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King Cobra

Studio: Vivid » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 7/3/08

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

King Cobra


Genre: Feature

Director: Jack the Zipper

Cast: Lanny Barby, Sasha Grey, Page Morgan, Chapel Waste, Christian, Marty Romano, Brian Surewood, Jade Starr, Roxy DeVille, Lela Star, Shannon Kelly, The Sundowners, Sledge Hammer
Non-sex roles by: a variety of uncredited people, Warren SD, Zed

Length: 54:49 minutes

Date of Production: 10/16/2006

Extras: The best extra for most people will be the six full bonus scenes totaling 110:05 minutes from other alt-porn projects by the company. I didn't find most of them appealing but if you're buying this one for the director rather than Lanny (my reason for getting it), you probably already have his previous works. There was also a 13:30 minute Behind the Scenes feature that wasn't half bad, some trailers, a photogallery, spam and a biography for Lanny Barby.

Condoms: Some

Audio/Video Quality: King Cobra was presented in a gritty 1.78:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen color as shot by director Jack the Zipper for Vivid to be released on a MPEG-2 standard definition DVD using 480i resolution. The video bitrate hovered around the 7.4 Mbps mark a lot, bouncing around as the conditions merited. There was grain, video noise, all sorts of amateurish special effects, and even the use of black & white at times for those unfamiliar with Jack's works. Most of the crappy looking visuals were designed to look that way, coming across more as a set of obscure music videos made with no budget that had sex tossed in than anything else. The composition of the shots was such that I never got the impression the ladies were being favored and this was clearly made for a small niche audience. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital using a 48 kHz sampling rate and 192 Kbps audio bitrate, the vocals always weaker than they needed to be in favor of the music. The music was interesting to say the least, employing bands such as Drachrist, The Mutants, Mendozza, Gobsausage, Crank Country Daredevils, Bourbon Saints, and "Music to Watch Porn By" with some of the musical interludes preciously short while others were repetitive as could be. Still, as a series of amateur music videos made on a zero dollar budget, there were times that I liked the clips (just not the lame editing).

Body of Review: Jack the Zipper is one of the current crop of "alt-porn" directors and has been for some time now. As part of the really small movement to provide an alternative form of porno for the young & hip that are too cool to masturbate, he has had some success convincing people that the Emperor is wearing some mighty fine clothes to those that are believers while the rest of us scratch our heads and wonder if his works are a way to lash out against the industry in some manner. Jack's latest release for Vivid is called King Cobra. Sold as a feature with Lanny Barby in the lead in a presumably post apocalyptic world ala The Road Warrior, my first impression of the movie was that Jack was trying his best to channel Robert Rodriguez in his Grindhouse flicks by providing an exploitation movie of sorts that could be called an updated porno version of Brando's The Wild One (at least before dropping the pretense altogether). The back cover said it like this: "It's a full throttle joyride through the American wasteland...where the bikers are bad and the biker bitches are badder! King Cobra barrels along at breakneck speed with ultra sexy Lanny Barby as the leader of the girlgang who corrupts the not so innocent blonde creampuff (played by the outrageous Page Morgan). This movie will excite you with extra large doses of rough sex, spitting, slapping, swearing, mud, sand, booze, fire breathing, and an authentic biker orgy. King Cobra is about the nomads of the outer limits, and dirty girls on clean machines who are hungry for the taste of sex...and burning rubber!" Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that some condoms were used for those still interested:

-- sponsored by --

Scene One: Looks Like A Party In Here: Lanny Barby, Sasha Grey, Page Morgan, Chapel Waste, Christian, Marty Romano, and Brian Surewood, were up first in an admittedly crowded motel room. They broke off into groups of specific interest and began licking, sucking, spanking, and otherwise engaging in sexual misconduct of various forms. The sex was vaginal and oral here and it ended with Marty and Christian busting a wad of population pudding on Lanny's chest but it seemed as though the action was truncated. Lanny looked hot and the rest of the cast looked like freaks caught in a time warp, but Sasha's sloppy blowjob was probably the best thing going in the scene. There was a condom used to drill Lanny with and I almost wondered if this was merely a teaser for the footage that was shot (and perhaps discarded).

Scene Two: Crash Pit: Jade Starr, Page Morgan, and Chapel Waste, having a rough lesbian sex scene from a year prior, that imposed loud music, posing, and a total lack of chemistry in this antithesis to strokable porn. The skanky and heavily tattooed females wore slutty clothing and mechanically fingered one another, ate each other out, and that was about all since it was so short and incomplete.

Scene Three: Spitfires/ Smokin, Baby: Roxy DeVille, Lela Star, Page Morgan, Shannon Kelly, Marty Romano, Christian, and The Sundowners, were up next in a bar scene orgy. The camera bounced around as much as the editing did, many of the non-participants screaming out encouraging catcalls to the ladies going at it. The oral and vaginal sex was neither cutting edge not particularly strokable; Roxy giving an active ride with Lela close behind. The nontraditional camera angles and split screen effects did not help, though I have to admit that Roxy and Christian seemed to have some spark together in their limited acts together. The pop shots went to the chest and face, a blended edit ending the moment.

Scene Four: Creampuff & King: Page Morgan, the fleshy albino-esque lead of the movie, was up last in a junkyard scene with Sledge Hammer. She's the blond on the far left hand side of the front cover, looking like someone that missed their scheduled dose at the clinic, though to her credit, she provided a crazy sort of energy and active vaginal ride here. The blowjob and vaginal screwing did little for me but her love of the camera (looking at it every chance she could) should be noted for those of you that don't hate this type of thing as much as I do. The scene ended in a facial for those that care.

Bonus Scene: The Doll Underground: Presley Maddox and James Deen: When this scene starts, Presley is going down on James like blowjobs are going out of style. For what it's worth, I personally hope that never happens. Regardless, she gives him some quality head in the stairwell of an industrial building. He bends her over and plays with her pussy from behind and then fucks her doggy style and then she blows him some more. She lies back and spreads her legs for some missionary style action, with periodic breaks so that he can eat her out. She rides him reverse cowgirl, blows him, rides him some more then gets more missionary loving before blowing him one last time and taking a wad to her face to finish the scene. This is a solid scene with some genuine heat and solid camera work. It's light just enough that all the detail you'd want is there but it still retains a nice cinematic quality, it doesn't look bleached out or overly lit like so much porn does. (review by The Mooninite)

Bonus Scene: The Rebelle Rousers: Mysti May, Page Morgan, Tyler Knight: These two lovely ladies are dancing and hanging out in a bar with a Confederate flag hanging behind them. A big black dude walks into their room and remarks on the 'nice pair of southern beauties' in front of him. He drops his pants to show the ladies what he's got and they decide that maybe the flag behind them is just for show as the two of them drop to their knees and start sucking his prick. At this point the music switches from country/rockabilly to funk. The two dolls take their time with his prick, really getting into the oral action, and then Pace starts to strip for him and lets him spank her ass while Misti keeps sucking. Soon both girls are getting out of their skirts and tight tops, and as he plays with Misti's ass Pace starts sucking his cock again. Misti gets on the couch and spreads her legs so that Pace can eat her pussy while he fucks her cunt doggy style from behind, pulling off him to suck his cock every know and then. He pulls out of her and starts fucking her foot, which is clad in a black high heel shoe, and then he moves over to Misti, spread on the couch, and starts fucking her snatch while Pace kisses her and sucks on her nipples. He bends Misti over and fucks her doggie style while Pace eats her pussy at the same time, licking away at her clit and his cock as it pumps away. Both girls bend over the table and he fucks one doggie style and then the other, going back and forth between the two of them and spanking their asses. They stop for a minute to suck him off then sit on the counter with their legs spread and he goes back and fourth between the two of them again. Misti finger fucks Pace for a minute and then he starts eating them out one at a time. Pace rides him reverse cowgirl style, hooting and hollering as she rides him and spanking Misti's ass as she bends over for her. From there Misti rides him cowgirl style and finger fucks Pace's little snatch while she rides. Pace gets back on top then bends over for more doggie as she eats Misti out. The girls get down on their knees in front of him and suck him off as a team and soon enough he he's back in there with Pace bend over and lying on her side taking his cock in her pussy again and Misti using her tongue and fingers on the two of them paying special attention to her friend's clit. He takes Pace's shoes off and puts his prick in Misti's mouth and rubs it on her tits before he makes Misti lick Pace's feet as he rubs his cock between them. From there Pace bends over and gets fucked doggie style again, before Misti bends over for the same treatment. Both girls bend over and he finger fucks them before trying to fuck them with a plastic alligator. That doesn't work, so he lifts them both up at the same time, carries them over to the other side of the room, and they double team him and suck him off to a finish where he shoots his load all over the two of them. Say what you will about putting a Confederate flag in the background of an interracial three way (it is kind of funny if you think about it, especially as the black guy calls all the shots here anyway), this is a hot scene. The girls are both completely gorgeous and the sex is hot. The foot fetish angle is played up nicely in a few spots and the interplay between the two girls was also a nice touch. (review by The Mooninite)

Bonus Scene: The Bad Luck Betties: Smoking Mary Jane and Paige Richards: Ah yes, there is a God. Two Bettie Page look-alikes (Paige even played her in Nico B's biopic, Bettie Page: Dark Angel and this reviewer couldn't be happier to see her in hardcore lesbo action in this film!) start the scene by wrestling. If you dig the old Irving Claw black and white female fight loops, you'll catch that same vibe from this scene. Of course, with emotions running high, their anger soon turns to lust and the girls eat one another out and use a black dildo on each other. Both of these two dirty debs are completely delicious and obviously having fun with each other. As such, the screen almost melts from the heat they generate. Damn! (review by The Mooninite)

Bonus Scene: Man's Ruin: Roxy DeVille and Barry Scott: Roxy's all gothed out in this scene with black mascara running down her face. The action takes place in a Satanic Ceremonial chamber of sorts, red curtains and chains hang from the walls and pentagrams are displayed. Barry comes into the room hard and she sucks him off right away. He stands her up and bends her over and slips it into her from behind while she braces herself by holding onto some chains. Barry lies back and she rides him reverse cowgirl style, stopping to suck him off and then hoping back on, cowgirl style this time. She sucks his cock and then he fucks her missionary style, and we're given a chance to admire how nicely shaved she is. Yowza. He fucks her doggy style for a bit, and after that she gets down on her knees to take a load in her mouth. (review by The Mooninite)

Bonus Scene: Girls Lie: Riley Mason and Alex Gonz: When we catch these two, they've already got things well under way as she's straddling him and they're kissing. He gets her titties in his mouth and then she blows him. She lies back and he takes his time fucking her missionary style, before getting her on all fours and having her from behind. He pulls out and she strokes him off into her mouth. (review by The Mooninite)

Bonus Scene: Morphine: Kimberly Kane and April Flores: April and the slightly chubby but incredibly sexy April Flores are playing around backstage. They start kissing and one thing leads to another. April gets on all fours and Kimberly works her shaved pussy over from behind. They wrestle and lick each other then break out a strap-on dildo which Kimberly wears. April sucks it, and then gets on her back for some missionary style penetration. Kimberly slaps her face and tells her to shut up as she fucks her. Kimberly gets on all fours and April eats her out from behind, paying attention to her ass and her pussy and then fucking her with a glass dildo which she makes her taste. They move into a sixty-nine, a big mess of pale white flesh and flickering tongues, then April sucks Kimberly's cunt while Kimberly smokes a blunt. They play with a dildo then April sits on Kimberly's face and rides it until she climaxes. This was just as hot as the first girl-girl scene that the movie opened with. These two are having fun and it shows and they are obviously into one another as they fuck with mucho gusto and look incredibly hot as they do it. Yowza! (review by The Mooninite)

Summary: King Cobra by director Jack the Zipper for Vivid really didn't work as a strokable porn flick and the artistic material not related to the sex scenes was so limited that you figure it might have been a two hour masterpiece before editors tore it to shreds that left it hampered with a mere 54 minute running time. It's no wonder that the company included six bonus scenes from other alt-porn titles, though the limited use of Lanny Barby was what made me so curious as to why she was wasted on such an effort. Given the limitations of the movie though, I rated this one as a Skip It unless you are one of the Kool Aid drinking fans of the Alt-Porn genre, noting that there were some minor bits that could have worked well if expanded upon. In short, if you loved Jack's other works, give this a look but otherwise pass King Cobra up like a hitchhiker on fire.If you must try this one, at least look at the TRAILER first since that could help you decide absent of my beliefs. 


You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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