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Gia Darling Will Kick Your Ass

Studio: Third World Media » Review by Crimson Clown » Review Date: 9/4/08

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

"Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
Its a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo lola"

So, Gia Darling, as it turns out, is a transsexual porn star. I did not know that. Weird... wild stuff. My editor will have hell to pay. I kid. Certainly, I had no idea going in to "Gia Darling Will Kick Your Ass" that Gia Darling was some sort of transsexual sex symbol, but after the requisite surprise of seeing Gia and then her cock while reviewing this movie for what I assumed is for the straight section I did some research online and she's definitely a transsexual porn star. A good looking one, but still a transsexual which isn't quite my fetish. Being the open minded lad that I am though, I powered through and made the best out of "Gia Darling with Kick Your Ass." She will you know. She has the tool to do it. There's been a lot of debate over the years about whether Transsexuals and porn revolving around their niche is exclusively for homosexuality or heterosexuals. I mean on the one hand, you ARE lusting after a guy who has become a woman, and on the other hand not all transsexuals are gay. On the other hand is your cock and you're just ignoring these words aren't you? I'll move on.

Gia kicks ass with Mistress Berlin

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The Insurance Salesman just made the mistake of coming across Gia and then flirting with her as she takes his sales pitch. He wants ALL forms of payment and she brings him to Berlin preparing him for punishment. She sends Gia off and demands him to sit on the floor. She slaps him and pulls his hair, and unclothes him looking damn great in her corset. After abusing him some more, she takes his pants down and abuses his penis, whipping it and jerking it. Gia arrives to make him lick her boots, and Berlin dresses him up in a frilly lingerie piece clutching his penis abusively. Gia and Berlin prepare their male subject for the torture block first standing over him then watching him strapped to the wall as he groans with a ball gag. Gia reveals her cock to their subject who looks on in surprise, and they dangle his cock around comparing sizes. She teases him daring him to suck her cock and pulls his hair as Berlin readies a big black dildo. They unstrap him and bend him over to suck on Gia, and Berlin takes him from behind fucking him with the dildo. If that humiliation is not enough, they dress him up in a dress and long haired wig, and force him to suck Berlin's dildo. Gia parts him and fucks him as Berlin insults him and smacks his ass. They take him from both ends fucking him hard, and switch as he takes the black dildo sucking on Gia. After finishing him off they paint dirty words on his body and cackle at his humiliation.

Gia kicks ass with Mistress Nicolette
Is it weird that Mistress Nicolette looks more like a transsexual than Gia? I don't mean that as an insult, the woman is gorgeous, but I couldn't help but notice that when I put on the flick. For a porno directed by Gia, the movie uses her more as a secondary novelty more than anythiing, and this is proven with Nicolette who is given way more time than Gia. The two jabber a bit before preparing for their next subject, a man who seems to want it this time. He greets the two who coddle him briefly and then inflict punishment. He bows to kiss their feet, and undresses for humiliation. He is collared and then has his cock wrapped and hanged by a noose by Nicolette having it smacked and spanked by Gia. He bends over to take a spanking from Gia and Nicolette who make the man suffer with whips like a cut scene from "The Passion of the Christ," and sucks on Gia's tits for a while. Getting his cock bound and wrapped, he licks and kisses Gia's feet for a while and then takes a full on nipple sucking from their subject. She pets him for a while and bends him over and Nicolette forces him to caress her dildo. After some forceful interjection in his mouth, he takes to Gia sucking on her cock and then gets bent over to be fucked by Gia. After tonguing both cocks, he takes it up the ass by Nicolette, soon cummed on and forced to cum with his balls in a vice. Gross.

Mistress Gemini and Mistress Jeannine
Gia go now. Leave it up to Dominatrix and a really ugly Tranny. Attempting to put away his Mistresses clothing quickly as possible, their victim is interrupted by them getting pulled by the hair dropping him on to a table smacking his cock and punishing him by vicing his cock with a rag and smacking his balls. They then turn him over to smack his ass repeatedly, and dress him up as a woman. He bends over to suck Gemini's cock while Jeannine fingers his hole, and he sucks Jeannine dildo. He's fucked from both ends by both doms who switch hit, and she cums on the table forcing him to lap it up. Ho hum.

Ms. J and Jessie
Gia go now. Leave it up to these women. Grabbing ahold of a random club goer, Ms. J and Jessie instantly strip him down to his bare ass and bend him over strapping his cock and balls while he sneaks in some muff diving on Jessie. Ms. J takes the chance to spank and whip him mercilessly and jerk him off, and spreads him along his back to take a whipping on the nuts as they cackle and tease him. They torture him by fisting him and strapping his legs back, and he cums then turns over to such Jessie's cock. Surprise, she has a cock! Who knew? He's then bent over to take it up the ass by Jessie who pounds his rump, as he sucks Ms. J's dildo. He then gets his hole eaten out by Jessie who straddles him and fucks his ass finally cumming all over his cock. This leads to him jerking off and cumming all over the floor.

The audio is perfect with most of the commands and slaps heard with great resonance. There were times where the mic seemed to be too far away from the performers so not all of it came through, but as is, it's good. The picture is great with a full screen format, and though Darling's direction isn't top notch, it's good enough letting us in on the action.

We're given a ten minute cum shot recap with the male performers and Gia popping off. We also get a two minute photo gallery. That's all.

After Thought:
So, I won't lie: Gia Darling is kind of hot if too skinny. I know, I know, I still love the rug, but Gia makes a good argument for the appeal of transsexuals. "Gia Darling Will Kick your Ass" is a good bondage porno with intense sex scenes and average extras. It's definitely Recommended. So is tranny porn gay? Well, as stated, not all trannies are homosexual, so here's my scale upon which to judge your horniness on tranny porn: Pre-op: you're gay. Post-op: Hard to say. Sexuality is a very gray area gents and at the end of the day it's all up to your little man. Pay attention to your little man and decide from there. Cock a Doodle Doo bitches.

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