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My Clitoral Hummer
WHAT'S ON THE AGENDA TODAY?
The Clitoral Hummer is awkward.
It looks like an alien's cum-stained finger. But, it's supposed to be a fun toy. My assistant Terra seemed interested in the gadget. So, I handed it over to her.
She loved taking it out of the box and observing it. She carefully inserted the batteries and then inserted the toy into herself. When she tried to turn the toy on, we ran into our first problem. That will be addressed down the line. What we have now to do is to explain how we got here.
CRASH-TEST FOR DUMMIES
I handed "My Clitoral Hummer" over to Terra to get warmed up. She was familiar with most of the Adam & Eve line and has had great experiences with them.
Cut to ten minutes later and she's wanting to know why the toy isn't working. We tried to lube it up and wait for the battery power to start. She had fun jamming the toy in and out, but there was no vibration fun.
So, we waited and tried other batteries. Nothing happened. Then, I slapped the shit out of the Hummer and we got something happening. Well, it was happening for five minutes. At that point, we said fuck it and threw it into the garbage.
RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT
The tech difficulties with the batteries made it hard to get the toy working. The batteries are inserted through the control panel at the bottom of the toy. The problem is that nine times out of ten, the diode from the battery compartment isn't going to firmly connect with the toy. This means no vibration. No vibration means that you're just stabbing your lover's pussy with a plastic wand.
Some girls or men or sheep take offense to genital jabbing.
I don't think that's what Adam & Eve intended for this toy. But, that's about all you are going to receive from not that many uses. What kind of green thinking is that? Contemporarize, people!
BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD
What the hell is this nub?
When the toy wasn't vibrating, Terra tried to use the nub on her clit. That's about useful as getting fingered by a mountain man named Bubba. It's a stub of plastic getting toyed around your clit. It's awkward and bulky to use. How is that a selling point?
In the end, I can't recommend this toy.
It's not any fun and the fucker rarely works. I've got too much time and money to spend on other means of pleasing my lady. Hell, I found a dog leash and a whip works pretty well. Until next time, this toy is shit.
Then, The Internet.
Eventually, I'll fuck the chick from Tron.