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Pretty As they Cum

Studio: Jules Jordan Video » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 10/15/08

XCritic's Advice: Highly Recommended

Alexis Texas! (click pictures for trailer)

Pretty As They Cum: Special Edition

Jules Jordan Video/Chris Streams Productions

Tori Black

Genre: Gonzo

Director: Chris Streams

Jenna Haze!

Cast: Alexis Texas, David Perry, Tori Black, Mark Ashley, Jenna Haze, Michael Stefano, Toni Ribas, Shyla Stylez, Marco Banderas, Alektra Blue, Tory Lane, Angelina Valentine

Length: 234:06 minutes

Shyla Stylez!

Date of Production: 8/25/2008

Alektra Blue

Extras: My favorite extra in almost any JJV release seems to be the Behind the Scenes features they provide, there being two this time, the first on the first disc lasting 32:28 minutes and the second on disc two lasting 41:24 minute long; each including the cast having a great time, plenty of discussion with Chris, extra nudity and sex, as well as some quirky moments by the cast (even a cameo appearance by hotty Rebeca Linares on the second one). There was also a helpful cast list, 2 lengthy photogalleries, a pop shot compilation from the scenes on each disc, five trailers to shows like Dirty Rotten Mother Fuckers 2, Oil Overload, The Interactive Gina Lynn, Squirt Machines, and Dirty Rotten Mother Fuckers 1, and some websites; each disc set up as though it was a separate movie given the distribution of the extras here.

Tori Lane and Angelina Valentine

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Pretty As They Cum was presented in an appealingly clear 1.78:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen color as shot by director Chris Streams for Jules Jordan Video as presented in the MPEG-2 format so common to standard definition titles (with 480i resolution). The lighting was pretty good, limiting the grain and other visual flaws in the open settings of the house but some of the scenes had an uncharacteristic amount of washed out parts too, owing largely to the erotic manner in which the movie was shot (as if to emulate some of the couples porn found on the market). The composition of the shots was largely enhancing to the ladies though as they diddled themselves or took on their partners with my biggest concern being that so many portions of the movie had some aliasing and moiré (pattern noise) compared to some of his works of the past; the bumpy transition to new equipment likely the reason for this temporary issue that should clear up in the future. There were no compression artifacts (the bitrate hovering in the upper 6.3 Mbps range most of the time) but the fleshtones were not what I expected them to be, making this one visually fair for me and not the best I've seen from Chris in the past. The 2.0 Dolby Digital English audio (in 192 Kbps with a 48 kHz sampling rate) was a bit more basic with no separation or major dynamic range but I could always hear what was said and the music didn't interfere with my viewing pleasure. The music dominated during the tease sequences and fans may find this a marked change for the director from most of his works to date.

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Body of Review: Chris Streams has been a productive member of the porn industry for as long as I remember keeping track of such things, his works starting for Shane's World before moving to Third Degree/Zero Tolerance and now Jules Jordan Video. To sum up his style in a few words, the best I can do is suggest that it evolves as the man tries a variety of approaches, never content to follow the lead of his peers. This brings me to discussing his latest double disc release called Pretty As They Cum: Special Edition, a gonzo porn with nearly four hours of movie, decent extras, and a visual manner quite unlike anything else seen on the JJV distribution label in terms of how erotica flavored it seemed destined to be. The lighting was diffuse so as to give off a glowing sort of look to the gals, a bit of slow motion tease employed before they got downright nasty in terms of their sexual performances. The casting included some of the hottest names in the business these days such as Jenna Haze, Alexis Texas, Shyla Stylez, Tori Lane, Alektra Blue, Tori Black, and Angelina Valentine. Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Scene One: Alexis Texas, the blond hotty seen on the middle of the bottom of the front cover, was up first in a light infused, stylish offering that reminded me of some of Michael Ninn's stuff. While I'm not a huge fan of soft focus and camera tricks, I cannot deny that this was an interesting change for a gonzo effort released by the director. The slow motion was used in such a way (supported by the music too) that I wouldn't mind seeing it on occasion to supplement my regular, admittedly voracious, reviewing schedule. Alexis wore a frilly pink outfit that did little to cover her curvy figure, the seductive looks she gave as she posed coming off fairly well before she was set to work with David Perry. While not my favorite pairing of the flick, Alexis seemed to enjoy the action in an energetic manner despite the lack of chemistry, the regular motion picking back up after her solo bit. The glamorous look probably worked better for Alexis than a straight up gonzo look too, the reduction in minute detail glossing over minor blemishes for the fantasy look of the show. The pair did some oral and then screwed vaginally, Alexis returning to his cock in her mouth from time to time as she saw fit to clean her juices off of him. They did not talk a whole lot other than in whispers, Alexis actively riding the prick and giving him a foot job as the scene progressed. It ended when Alexis jerked out a modest wad of genetic juice to her mouth, my preference for the gal doing the work satiated and some diddling by David to her crotch okay as well. Nice!

Scene Two: Tori Black, the curvy brunette seen on the middle of the right side of the cover in black lingerie, was up next in black lingerie as seen on the cover. She followed the formula and the stylish look was maintained, her coy and seductive gazes toward the camera not nearly as overt as usual. While not as curvy as Alexis, she had an appeal of her own and the slow nature of the tease struck me as a bit more mechanical here but enticing all the same. Tori masturbated and massaged both of her holes before pulling out a toy, finding herself interrupted by Mark Ashley who took it from there as he disrobed and kissed her. Tori was propped up on a shiny black table and the two macked out, Mark going down on her before she showed how well she could slob a knob once it was thoroughly coated with her juices. The vocals played a larger role this time too, Tori spouting off some dirty talk to my delight, gyrating her hips as the two vaginally screwed. This included her actively pushing back to meet his thrusts and bouncing on his rod, the ending load of population pudding unleashed on her mouth by the time these two chemistry filled performers finished up. Whew!

Scene Three: Jenna Haze, the superstar standing in the lower left hand corner of the cover, was up next as the last scene on the first disc, her makeup and seductive lingerie looking exceptionally enhancing to her admittedly attractive appeal. Jenna has had a number of scenes that looked like this in the past so the stark contrast was not as prominent as the prior scenes, her slow motion, music infused tease and solo work still catching my eye though. The scene advertised that she would be getting a DP, the lucky men this time being Michael Stefano and Toni Ribas (I haven't seen much of Toni in a very long time too), the various sex acts used to warm her up adequately for the double penetration including oral by both male and female, vaginal plowing, and anal once she stretched herself out with a large glass dildo. There was a lot of messy saliva (spit) thanks to the dirty gal, Jenna finding it worked best as a lubricant while she actively worked the cocks inside her three holes (loudly too!). Despite what some critics and fans have said, Jenna gets better with age, her figure fleshing out and her skills better than ever as she performs, this case being no exception to that rule. She slowed down with the anal action and the DP was nothing to write home about but it was a well done scene starring a gal well versed in hardcore antics, the ending streams of semen coating her face better than the rest of the scenes here. Sweet!

Scene Four: Shyla Stylez, the exceedingly curvy blond on the middle of the top on the cover (standing in black lingerie), was up next as the first scene of disc two, following the stylish look of the show. Teasing and playful, Shyla benefited greatly from this approach too, her penchant for hardcore action under harsh lights understood but again, this being a nice change of pace over her work in movies like Pirates 2 as she performed a striptease act. The camera loved her curves too, from her thong riding up her ass to the moist spot on her panties, Shyla's eyes glistening with approval when Marco Banderas came in to work her over. I have to hand it to Chris in how much footage he devoted to her tease too, the act lasting longer than many scenes at other companies giving her the kind of range that worked so well. When Marco walked in wearing a suit (that didn't last long of course), she knew the best way to relieve him of it, caressing his body as she tossed his articles of clothing to the side nonchalantly, their chemistry significant and impressive. Shyla dropped to her knees to slob his knob aggressively too, leading to Marco reciprocating in equal fashion. That they plowed into each other using a passionate approach almost goes without saying, the enthusiasm alone standing out as special to me but the chemistry again shining through. Shyla showed a sense of urgency in her vaginal work as if she had an itch to scratch, the anal slowing her down but the gal still embracing her need for seed just fine. The penetrative sex led to Marco busting a nut on her face soon enough, her oral tendencies pushing her to provide some heated post coital head too. Yum!

Scene Five: Alektra Blue, the seductive brunette contract gal seen on the upper right hand corner, was up next as she gazed deeply into the camera with her stunning eyes, lounging on a black platform surrounded by a sea of white in her bikini underwear, sipping her drink as she followed the program. Using a strawberry to tantalize with, she ran it along her frame before devouring it, masturbating until Michael Stefano came to her side to provide the meat stick she craved. Her blowjob was enthusiastic and complete, Alektra sucking his balls as part of her offering to the man before they moved into the kitchen where she jerked him off with her feet until he gave her a few licks. His oral was decidedly weak this time though and she seemed to display some discomfort over the jeweled anal plug gracing her backside, Michael doing most of the work during their penetrative session. Alektra was always the oral expert though, cleaning his cock between positions and eventually coming around to show some enthusiasm for the vaginal and anal sex. It was the weakest scene of the bunch by far but she did look good and her oral was strokable enough to minimize the collateral damage to only one dropped grade overall. In the end, she took the facial well enough to seal the deal too, marking it as a scene best left on the middle of disc two.

Scene Six: Tory Lane and Angelina Valentine, the masked gals on the upper left hand corner, were up last in a montage where they moved about the luxurious setting in black attire. Their minimal lesbian antics aside, the tease was too far off in the distance to work as effectively, only a small amount of footage close up enough to make it work here. Thankfully, the sex was shot much closer in, the gals rubbing Mark Ashley before double teaming his rod orally, both gals showing they were no stranger to a large cock in their mouths as they alternately wrapped their lips around him in a fitting display of heat. Mark gave some head too as Tori sat on his face, but all three of them seemed driven for the penetrative acts, the vaginal pounding going on showing both gals having as much fun as he did, Tori claiming the prize for being better at it in this scene. Angelina even took a short break to masturbate as she watched, Tori drawing her back in to go down on her feminine friend as Mark tore into her pussy. The minor pattern noise caused by the black fishnet stockings was a nuisance but the action definitely struck me as being another highlight of the show, the chemistry and passion surpassing several of the other very well done scenes. I was a bit surprised that there was not a bunch of anal here too but the ending facial, once rubbed out to the faces of the gals, was shared and swapped to provide an extra kink for those in need. Wowzers!

Summary: Pretty As They Cum by director Chris Streams for Jules Jordan Video was an exceedingly heated stroke flick full of a superior cast, great sexual conduct, and a stylish look completely different than anything I ever expected from one of his movies but largely working for me once I got past the initial shock so I rated it as Highly Recommended. The amount of fuck for the buck, strokability, and replay value were such that the attempt at "pretty porn" was chalked up to the director stretching his comfort zone to try something new, the approach working well as an alternative to his usual gonzo even if I wouldn't like a steady diet of this kind of thing. In short, Pretty As They Cum: Special Edition is the kind of project that some of you will really love while others will hate but give it a chance as I did since you will possibly find it a lot hotter than the kind of movies the visuals emulate. Nice work!

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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