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Million Dollar Boy

Studio: Marina Pacific Distributors » Review by Brady Jansen » Review Date: 11/3/08

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Director: Falk Lux

Cast: Andrej Kaminer, John Ashton, Michael Shade, Josh Ford, Felix Stallone, Mike Corner, Dave Starr, Patrick Hanson, Kevin Less, Michael Bahrendorff; non-sexual performers: Pete, Patricia Sonneberg, Mustafa

Length: 1 hour, 25 minutes

Production Date: September 2007

Condoms: yes

The Skinny:
Oh those crazy Germans! Even if you don't always understand it, you have to admire the artful effort of German porn. This five-scene entry is structured around a rich men's quest to find the right boy toy, his briefcase of money soon to be transferred to a mysterious woman who shows him his options on a monitor. They don't speak, just gesture (I'm guessing an effort to make it more universal). All of the guys here are smooth and think to toned, and most have lighter skin.

Scene 1
In the opener, a blond "prisoner" is led by a mysterious warden to two fellow inmates, all three dressed in skimpy silver cloths. The three start to kiss and suck, and one of the film's problems becomes apparent: a lot of the action feels like quick clips edited together, and it takes a while for each scene to settle down. Additionally, the camera is framed and placed in awkward angles, making for shots that are either too close/claustrophobic--or too far away. The music is also loudly distracting, minimizing the natural sounds of the sex; the men in all of these scenes make very little sounds, which is a shame--not only do we not get hot German sex talk, we don't even get many moans. After some decent sucking, the blond bottom gets tag teamed by the two tops, but there aren't many good close-ups, and two of the men leave the third alone to jack off by himself.

Scene 2
Another threesome follows, and this one is a little stronger than the first. Three more subjects--all light skinned, trim guys--are given minimal costumes by the warden. A beach motif takes over (meaning there's a mound of sand on the floor and we hear seagull sounds). The huge uncut piece of meat from the blond cutie steals the show, with another blond (the died-hair one) dropping to his knees to suck his two scene-mates before they take turns fucking him (with a few decent fuck shots below the action). The three jack on the bottom to finish the scene.

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Scene 3
One of the odder sequences (with an Egyptian tomb feel) plays out, as a tall, bald, goateed man starts to rub and slowly unwrap his bud, who's wrapped in rubber from head to toe--with only a breathing tube keeping him from being completely covered. The bald man slowly unwraps the man and sucks on his pierced cock, then unwraps his face and feeds him his own thick meat. The two briefly lick each other's holes, and soon the freed mummy is getting plowed in a few positions (the sit-down shot shows off the tops nice shaft). The top then face fucks the bottom before the two shoot.

Scene 4
Another odd entry follows, as four twinks slowly break free of their aluminum body shells (think lots of foil) and start to suck each other. They break into pairs, and once again the quick edits and cuts prevent any genuine heat from building. The action settles down eventually, and a few big cocks stand out, although the sucking leaves something to be desired. The pairs then start fucking (one guy gets pounded atop a bouncy ball), but there isn't any fun interaction between all four.

Scene 5
The finale has a hot, dark-haired stud (a little more muscular than most of the cast) oiling up his cute co-star. The two get their bodies nice and slick, kissing as their bodies rub up against each other. They start to jack each other's hard boners, providing one of the hottest visuals of the film. They trade sucks and get into some 69 action, and the dark-haired hunk starts to fuck the bottom, and a great aerial shot captures the bottom stroking his huge meat as squirting. But we get few close-ups of the actual fuck, and we never see the top come--the scene ends without a real finish.

The picture here is decent but a tad dark. The most distracting issue is the fuzzy bottom bar of the letterboxed image. The audio is adequate; there's very little natural sound, so it's all about the music.

Leading the way is a "Backstage" behind-the-scenes clips (10:12) that have some fun footage of the models having fun, including a suck and squirt in the shower. The final few minutes are boring, focusing on a scene with the non-sexual performers. Also included is a cumshot compilation ("Cumpadre") and trailers.

The Naked Truth:
I always love to see what the Germans have in store; they're never boring. But these five scenes are only mildly entertaining, hampered mostly by awkward camerawork and editing that really limits the enjoyment factor. The scenes never settle down and give you extended looks at the hot footage, and you just get fleeting glimpses of the hot cocks. And the finale is a bust, with the hottest performer not even squirting. Rent It.

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