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Porn Reviews » Sex Toy Reviews » Stephanie Swift's Crystal Playmate

Stephanie Swift's Crystal Playmate

Studio: California Exotic Novelties » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 12/1/08

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

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One type of email I get is from a handful of (presumably) ladies that complain how my personal toy testers are all "fluffy" (built for comfort over speed) since that means they are necessarily into larger toys.  While I disagree with the sentiment on some levels, I am the first to admit that the more experience someone has with toys in general, the more they tend to want to experience larger, stronger, and more advanced toys.  This is the same dynamic as watching couples' porn when you don't know any better, soon finding there are thousands of titles on the market for just about anything you can imagine.  In the case of toys, so many are afraid to go into a smut shop and buy one, they rely on gifts (I know since I give them out frequently).  The problem with that is how often a giver of such gifts plays it conservatively, giving beginner toys out to those that might appreciate so much more.  Well, for those of you wanting to give out a beginner toy to a loved one, I came across a potential offering the other day out of the Wicked Pictures line made by California Exotic Novelties called Wicked Essensual Elements in the form of Stephanie Swift's Crystal Playmate.  The toy is small and from the "Earth" series, no rational behind the designation but none needed as this is a fricking sex toy darn it. ;)

The toy is bright blue about 5.5" long but only 3" of that is insertable, a clitoral "arouser" (nub) sticking out as seen in the picture limiting how much you can diddle yourself with.  The jelly material it is made with is the same type as described in my review of the Crystalessense Gyrating Penis years ago, that toy made large enough for a horse to get off with but this one far smaller in scope and size.  This one is also only just over 1" wide so unless it was designed for unstated anal use, there is clearly an intention that it be for beginners, the amount of power generated by the 2 AAA batteries actually pretty strong for as long as it lasts.  The switch was located on the bottom of the toy for those that care.

There was only one setting for it too, so it was an all or nothing approach, kind of limited compared to similar toys, and this was not a waterproof toy so be extra careful around water or overly turned on ladies.  Other concerns would be the lack of a "phathalate free" label so it may well be dangerous to your innards if the marketing surrounding phathaltes is even partially correct (the substances are being debated by Congress as an urgent matter so expect to see properly worded legislation within the next fifty years).  Lastly, the toy was made in China, an oppressive communist state, and some socially active friends of mine always press me to mention it despite the fact that almost all toys are made there. 

How to rate a toy with the stated limitations is kind of tricky and there is no middle of the road regarding our toy reviews (ie: no "rent it" rating) so unless you're a beginner, consider the Stephanie Swift Crystal Playmate as a Skip It, much like the Sydnee Steele Amethyst Arouser (they are almost identical).

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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