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Car Wash

Studio: Vivid » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 12/8/08

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

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Car Wash

Vivid Entertainment

Katie Morgan

Genre: Feature

Director: Paul Thomas

Katie Gold

Cast: Katie Morgan, Steven St. Croix, Katie Gold, Trent Soluri, Shay Sweet, Stefani Morgan, Lanny Barby, Alexis Malone, Nick Manning, Van Damage, Jack Venice

Shay Sweet and Stefani Morgan

Length: 79:11 minutes

Date of Production: 7/21/2005

Lanny Barby and Alexis Malone

Extras: Most of you will appreciate the five unrelated bonus scenes from past movies that totaled a whopping 78:27 minutes long; all of them edited to an extent for the purists that demand (rightfully so!) uncut extras. There were also trailers, a text biography for former contract hotty Stefani Morgan, a photogallery, some spam (including commercials at the front of the DVD), and a 29:59 minute long Behind the Scenes feature by Ben Hoffman and Victoria Woodhill that was a lot of fun to enjoy.

Katie Morgan

Condoms: Many

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Audio/Video Quality: Car Wash was presented in full frame color using a 1.33:1 ratio offering as shot by director Paul Thomas for Vivid Entertainment in 480i resolution as presented in this MPEG-2 encoded release. The front cover advertises the movie was shot in high definition but the show was full frame, making me think the copy writer did not see the movie before making the cover. The lighting was reasonably well handled, limiting the grain, video noise, and other distracting flaws seen all too often in porn these days but there were some compression artifacts at times. The composition of the camera angles and lighting were not always optimal this time, the camera spending too little time in the first scene and too long on some of the later establishing shots. The fleshtones were usually accurate this time and the DVD mastering was well done, making it look pretty solid in terms of visual quality (though perhaps the compression ratio was set too high as the bitrate was averaging about 3.5 Mbps). The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital offering (at 192 Kbps with a 48 kHz sampling rate) with the vocals sounding flat and the music pretty bland. The dynamic range was average and the separation of the vocal tracks nonexistent but it was a low budget quickie and no one expects such flicks to offer great audio.

Lanny Barby and Stefani Morgan

Body of Review: Paul Thomas has directed for Vivid Entertainment over many years now, some of his works standing head and shoulders above the rest of his output. Unfortunately, a number of his titles look good on paper but fall short when they make it to the small screen, numerous problems arising in the shooting and post production portions of the movie. One such case would be the long lost Car Wash starring former contract gals Stefani Morgan and Lanny Barby, a take off of the Debbie Loves Dallas idea with a cheerleading squad employing a hitman to ascend to the national championships when they don't quite make the cut. The condom clad show was described by the back cover as: "Cheerleaders are funny. They'll do anything to win The Nationals. And in the dark comedic world of Paul Thomas, that includes "busting up" the competition. But that takes thugs. And thugs cost money. What's a cheerleader to do? Have a car wash! A bake sale! An amateur photo contest! And if that doesn't work, clean their clocks in poker! Car Wash. It's all about sex, envy, charity and greed. Hey, you know the saying... girls just wanna have funds!" Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that lots of condoms were used for those still interested:

Scene One: Katie Morgan, an adorable little blond with a high pitched voice, was up first as she blew the hitman played by Steven St. Croix as partial payment for him to erase another team. While initially balking at the idea, she slobbed his knob and jerked him off until he came on chest (and he originally stated he wanted to pop in her hair), all while her teammates diddled each other or otherwise made out. Katie Gold, Shay Sweet, Stefani Morgan, and Alexis Malone all seemed inopportunely used this time, wasted when there could have been an all girl orgy, but the team was deployed this way several times in the background in following scenes too so if you hate the idea, know ahead of time that it was a common practice.

Scene Two: Katie Gold, wearing tight white pants and a blue crop top, was up next as she caught Trent Soluri masturbating in the bathroom on the toilet. They struck up a conversation instead of her believably running away scratching her eyes out, Trent unwilling to keep going until she blew him. The scene was shot behind a very dirty bathroom shower window and the levels of grain were high due to too little lighting but she gave good head, the gal then bending over the counter to take his condom clad cock vaginally. This led to some anal penetration on the toilet as she rubbed her clitoris, a small wad of genetic juice landing on her face (missing the sores all over her legs).

Scene Three: Shay Sweet and Stefani Morgan then enjoyed some lesbian sex on the stripper stage set, undressing and prancing around as though they had never done so in the past. This led their three friends to engage in a lesbian tryst too, the fingering, licking, and caressing on both segments showing some better action, Katie Morgan watching as Katie Gold and Alexis Malone did most of the work, the others using a strap on dildo mechanically until the scene ended without any population pudding. The enthusiasm and chemistry needed to make the scene work were missing, killing any real heat or replayability so unless you're a diehard fan, pass it up.

Scene Four: Lanny Barby, Alexis Malone, and Nick Manning were up next at the car wash where Alexis wanted to make more money for the team by joining the nasty couple in their limousine. The "bikini car wash" soon became a nude car wash with a bunch of smiling mopes checking out the entire squad as the gals masturbated and got frisky but it was Alexis that took it all to a new level in terms of joining in for some sex. The problem here was that the limo did not have enough room to light properly, the trio all over the place (as was the camera), at least Lanny looking exceptionally fine in her red dress. The editing was choppy and while I appreciated seeing more of Lanny (who has been on "hiatus" for far too long), the amount of blowjob and vaginal screwing was not enough to overcome the participation of Nick (but his dirty talk routine was minimized). The ladies took his facial and fans of urination will enjoy the last bit too.

Scene Five: Katie Morgan, resting on the couch during the sleep over, was the target of lusty Trent Soluri; the pair going at it in the dark. The other gals either masturbated to the scene or engaged in some lesbian antics, Stefani sleeping one off given her devotion to snoozing as Morgan slobbed his knob and took the cock vaginally, the sleepyhead waking up after the pop shot landed on Morgan's ass. It was short and modest as far as a porn scene goes, the intent not living up to the reality.

Scene Six: Lanny Barby, Stefani Morgan, Van Damage, and Jack Venice, were up next as the gals sought to score big against some rich folks without any poker skills. Jack was the doorman, Lanny was there without Nick (why she was there was never stated), and Van looked about as much like a rich guy as Hillbilly Mike from Atlanta but Stefani was all made up and it struck me that whomever wrote this scene must have missed the rest of the movie. Lanny ate Stefani's pussy as she bounced between Jack and Van, Lanny moving to get some cock from Van before they started vaginally fucking. Maybe the best action was lost in the editing room but they looked to be at sea the way the camera moved and the facials were kissed and Lanny was held back to Stefani's level of fucking.

Summary: Car Wash by director Paul Thomas for Vivid Entertainment missed on some many levels that I can see why the company sat on it for so many years. The technical considerations were weak, the amount of fuck for the buck greatly limited, and the project seemed more like it came from a rookie with a single day to shoot it than veteran Thomas. Still, there was some fine eye candy and decent extras so I rated it as a Rent It but this was definitely low end Vivid from years back, not half as good as many of their current features. In short, Car Wash was a mess of a fuck flick and I'm not going to hose you about how sucky most of it was but there was no way it was shot in HD and it might have been best left in the vaults or split up as a series of unrelated bonus scenes compared to this movie release.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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