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Crack Whore Confessions Vol. 1


Studio: Kick Ass Pictures » Review by Guy Incognito » Review Date: 12/15/08


XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

Kick Ass Pictures
Genre:
Crackhead Gonzo


Director: Cracker Jack

Condoms: Varies

Length: 131 Minutes

Date Of Production: 01/15/08

Special Features:

Interactive Menus
Chapter Selection
Slide Show
Trailers
Int. Tel. Sex
Web Site Information

Audio/Video Quality: The picture was presented in an anamorphic widescreen format with strong video quality. The transfer was really crisp and showed off a range that I haven't seen in awhile. The Dolby track was solid and it showed off a nice mix across the soundstage. The problem is that it's a little too clear. You get to hear all of the bullshit stories and see all of the stretched stomachs in perfect clarity. Those visions will keep you up at night.

-- sponsored by --


Scene 1 - Alexis. Alexis shows up with the worst stomach on the planet. She bullshits the interview and promises to blow him. They smoke and screw around. Then, the cock comes out and the whore goes down. The sex is pretty decent, but it doesn't beat the sheer oddity of how the scene opened. Still, the chick's an uggo and I don't see many people being that into this crack whore. Onto the next one.



 


Scene 2 - Jasmine.

Jasmine's got this weird Suburban look about her. I can't quite figure out what the fuck her deal is, as the interview really went nowhere. It was a bunch of gibberish and some sob story material. Then, she sucked a dick. It was a really weird jump in how she went from setting up the crack whore backstory to dicksucker. Then, the dude pops on her. What the fuck ever happened to stamina?



Scene 3 - Annie.


I swear that I've seen this crack whore at Wal-Mart. She's the only one who seems willing to really screw. Plus, her interview ended rather quickly. I love when a plan comes together. She plays with her clit, she sucks the dick and she lets the interviewer tap that puss. They fuck around for a bit until the interview pops inside of her. We get a great shot of the creampie and the whore feels fulfilled. Just like America.



Scene 4- Kimmy.

Kimmy is one scary looking bitch. Her face is way to spread out, plus she keeps fucking with that tampon. Her stomach tattoo looks like shit, but it takes the eye away from her trainwreck face. I hate to bash a bitch for being ugly. But, when your cooter has been railed to shit, you've got to give a guy something to aim for. Still, there's not enough bukkake in the world to cover her face. Truly a boner killer.


Scene 5 - Strawberry.

Fuck Strawberry in her non-climax ass. All she does is drop the bullshit about her life and she has to be co-erced into the blowjob. The dick sucking is uninspired, plus it's met with just a quick chest pop. Seriously, guys. Work this out and make it something to look forward to. If I knew that this disc would end like shit, I would've stopped on the uggo from Chapter 4. Crack whores are such a fucking disappointment.

Final Thoughts:

Kick Ass Pictures should be applauded for kicking it weird. But, there's a line in the sand. Kick Ass Pictures crossed it with Kimmy. Somebody needed to leave her ass in the dumpster where they found her. She was the crack whore that broke my dick's back. 
First, Skinemax.
Then, The Internet.
Eventually, I'll fuck the chick from Tron.


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