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Xcalibur 3: The Lords of Sex

Studio: Woodman Entertainment » Review by Crimson Clown » Review Date: 2/12/09

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

See that's the shit about going in to a movie trilogy near the end: You really have to catch up with what's happened for the first two films, and I've had that experience a few times. "XCalibur 3" is that particular film where I was forced to wikipedia for the plot and then dive in to part three, the last of the series (I presume) that gives you almost three hours to catch up. There's really nothing about XCalibur 3 that doesn't strive to be excellent. We're given great set designs, an attempt at an epic story, really good sex scenes, and I repeat: An attempt at an epic story. How do you like them apples? "XCalibur 3" doesn't just use its mideval pretense to give us a reason to watch cosplayers or something. It gets truly in to the story and keeps up the time period pieces for as long as possible. Of course for a porno it gets about mostly there in terms of historical accuracy. One performer has eyelash glitter at one point, and most of the women here seemed to have had their hair done and are wearing make up. Aw but who cares, this is fantasy erotica that you'd mostly get in a Supermarket book aisle, so who cares about anachronisms?

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"XCaliber 3" sets down on Arthurian England where Chrisit Illenot dare to engage in orgies and sex play in the midst of Camelot where Arthur's knights attempt to protect the realm from Barbarians. Director Pierre Woodman creates a marvel of modern pornography that keeps the movie epic from start to finish with the massive threesome and fellatio scenes presenting the period England with some rather interesting performances. Nothing short of brilliant "The Lords of Sex" finale is a thrill to sit through. Hard as it may be to admit, the sex was distracting. Woodman focuses so heavily on story telling and sell the incredible landscapes that the initial fucking becomes so shoe horned in. With editing this could have been any other old B movie. The sex segments are absolutely erotic with the scenario playing to the advantages fantasy peppering the screen with cowgirl and cock sucking that makes this trilogy ender all the more interesting to sit through.

And for those looking for a catch up from the first two, Woodman supplies the rundown from the aforementioned installments and he does it well.

The picture is never as good as you'd think it would be considering this is supposed to be a superb production. During the night scenes I sometimes could barely make out what was happening and during the day there's a considerably murky dim picture quality. Look at the picture of the director below, that's been lightened thanks to Adobe photoshop. In actuality, it's a pretty dark little screen capture when I took it.

Among many, we're given an eight minute photo gallery with stills of the performers, captures during mid-intercourse, and stills during shoot set ups that are quite well shot. There are also trailers to Woodman Entertainment's productions including Anal Gate 3, and Sexxxottca 3. But the best is the hour long production featurette that explores the Behind the Scenes work that went in to the choreography and setting up shots in the mostly foreign production. Going in to this without knowing much of anything you wouldn't know that this is actually a porno movie. There's a hilarious scene when one of the performers is getting the life fucked out of her and we see two assistants reading in the corner not even drawing notice to the screaming. Morgana is given special focus and who can blame them? She is so goddamn sexy. There really isn't too much to this hour long special beyond watching the director set up every shot and showing us what work it took, but it's entertaining and a good little peek behind the curtains.

After Thought:
It's a mixed bag. In the end this three hour production tends fail in the way of proper photography and setting, but on the other hand, this is one of those special pornos that tries to separate itself from average porno, one with epic capabilities and excellent hardcore sex scenes with variety and a guaranteed lapse in logic you'll be able to watch with a smile at its idiocy but appreciate what it's going for. I Recommend it.

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