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Porn Reviews » Adult Movie Reviews » Actiongirls: Horrorbabe.com Volume 1

Actiongirls: Horrorbabe.com Volume 1

Studio: Other » Review by Omniphiliac » Review Date: 4/20/09

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

Length of Time: 85 Min.
Category: Horror, Gonzo.
Director: Scotty JX
Dates of Production: 2002-2005
Condoms: No, because there is no sex.
Cast: Kathy lee, Kobe Kaige, Susana Spears, Adriana Zarcova, Jirina James, Saint Adams, Marketa Morgan.

The Movie:

Sexy Zombies, Sultry Serial Killers, Sumptuous Cyborgs and Seductive Gothic Babes. This movie views more as a collection of music videos with goth burlesque dancers shaking their naughty bits to thinly veiled covers of White Zombie and Kraftwerk. This video is strictly soft core and all girl meaning there are no sexual acts that take place. What does occur is simply women dressed in different costumes dancing in ways only skilled strippers can perform. Their costumes range from steam punk goggles, to torn and tattered lingerie that make them look zombie-fied, to a female SS officers uniform. Overall, the dancing and outfits of these women were a bit over the top and absurd, making me laugh more than become turned on. However, there were certain women and certain scenes that piqued my interest a great deal.

Scene One, Sexy Cyborgs Act 1:

Opening this tawdry scene we see glorious half naked cyborg women move about in a stuck and belabored fashion, and by this I mean there are women in bikinis with steam punk goggles doing the robot. However, I did enjoy the industrial setting, with torn down cement walls, peeled off dirt-covered paint and piles of rubble laying about. The film geek in me also enjoyed the grainy digital effects and exaggerated use of lighting. But let us not forget the over use of red fishnet, somehow that just worked really well with these sexy
cyborgs. While two of the three women were pretty damn hot, the other, I am sorry to say, did not do it for me since I have an issue with overly fake breasts and collagenized lips. Once the pseudo-Kraftwerk moog music began and the women started their more vibrant of robot moves, I quickly started to realize my funny bone was being tickled rather than my bone bone. Granted, this was pretty fun to watch, since as I stated earlier I enjoyed the industrial run down building set and the effects, however I was not necessarily turned on by this scene.

Scene Two, Sexy Dead Babes:

With yet another fantastic background, featuring old abandoned buildings with facades that are scraped down and dilapidated, these sexy dead babes move about and dance with the vigor of women with life. One in particular, donning a leather bird mask and a red cape had a fantastic ass that was quite enjoyable to watch. Set to a higher paced sci-fi/industrial tune, these dead girls performed spectacular dance moves only a first-class stripper would perform for you. The most believable dead girl, dressed in black with her hair teased out and sporting deliciously pale skin, danced and ravaged around atop a pile of black rubber hoses. I can't put my finger on it, but it worked incredibly well.

Scene Three:

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A slower bass-filled song is featured as a big breasted bat/cat like woman attempts to seductively dance and writhe on the floor. I am adding the qualifier of "attempt" since this particular dead woman does not have the sort of style I generally go after, that is, blonde and fake breasts. Sorry, I know, sacrilegious. After a long solo scene with the bat/cat woman, other women dancing about under moody lighting are edited in, making for a horrorifying (in a good way, for the most part) music video. One of the dancers, perhaps the scariest, wore an incredibly creepy clown mask with over-sized teeth. Well played, well played indeed.

Scene Four:

The next installment is for those of you who are fans of SS women. Wearing nothing but leather straps, boots, gloves and a SS officers cap, this blonde beauty stands over a corpse and stabs away as she dances over the body. Edited to the pace of another fast-paced industrial song, the SS female officer leads her troop of hungry zombies to a pile of corpses as she carries a large swastika covered banner. In between cuts of the zombies devouring their lunch, the SS woman dances and splashes water on herself to make you confused asking yourself, am I turned on or disturbed? The answer is a little of both, my friend. Watching her stand in at the entrance of a tunnel, seductively dancing and dousing herself in water makes you want to forego any risk of being eaten by her zombie minions just to get one touch of her succulent body.

Scene Five:

Entering into an abandoned hangar, the SS female officer confidently walks around checking her surroundings. Wearing heeled boots, an SS officers cap and long black leather officers coat, she stands triumphantly and poses with her gun, making sure her hangar is well secured. It's time for a little honesty here, while I don't agree with EVERYTHING the SS officers did, you have to admit they had a particularly hot and sensual sense of fashion. Dark colors, straight lines, crisp, clean and well fit. Taking advantage of her gun as a phallic object, the SS officer caresses her body with the hand piece, sliding it in between her tits and up and down her inner thighs. Finally taking off her restricting leather top, the officer uses one hand to cup her supple breast and the other to point the intimidating gun towards the camera. While she may be sexy and embody your every fantasy, let it be known that she will keep you in line, little boy. Now fully naked she stands in a door way, leaning back and forth allowing you to have just enough of a look to see what you could have.

Scene Six:

Revisiting the sexy cyborgs, these bikini clad women donning steam punk glasses move around in a robotic fashion just as they did in the first scene, however this time with a little more  spunk. At times this spunk means you get to witness some selective jiggling of your favorite parts of the female anatomy, and other times this spunk just makes the women look like they're spazzing out. After a long period of time of the two engaging in spastic movements in a cyborg type manner (to be honest I fast-forwarded through that part because it was just boring me), the women take off their steam punk goggles and transform into elegant moving vampires. Glaring their fangs to you as they stare into the camera with their cat slit eyes. The red fishnet vampire woman sways back and forth in signature stripper moves, showing off her naughty bits to the camera.

Scene Seven:

For the last scene I'm not even sure what the theme is supposed to be. Perhaps it was Burning Man girls stuck in an abandoned warehouse with nothing to do but dance and make funny faces at the camera. If so, they did a fantastic job carrying out that genre to its fullest potential. However, something about close ups of the dead stare of a womans' eyes doesn't really do anything for me. Luckily another woman enters the scene, one who is far more attractive, with her blonde hair and blue fishnet outfit. What got me was her hair style, while I'm not a fan of blondes, her style was a bit tattered and rugged. Despite her following the videos standard of making silly faces as well, her seductive moves were well
choreographed and sensual in such a way that I could look past the silliness of this "theme."

Final Thoughts:
If you're looking for a hardcore porn video that features all variations of debaucherous sex acts, then this DVD is not necessarily for you. With it's use of music as the leading force
behind every scene, each woman is dressed in a different horror genre dancing and seducing you in front of your very eyes. Just like in some horror movies, the theme and make up are so absurd or low-budget that you can't help but laugh (primarily the cyborg scenes). However there are moments where the costume, the setting and music is set in perfect harmony to get your interests raised high. This may not be the best material for self-pleasuring, but that all depends on if you truly just like watching women dance and not having sex. Personally, I could see this DVD going over very well played in the background of a Halloween or an industrial party. Rating this DVD is quite conflicting for me, because this video has redeeming aesthetic qualities and contains certain scenes that legitimately aroused me but also had a general sense of absurdity and a b-movie quality that left me less than satisfied. For those reasons I'm going to have to suggest that you Rent It. It's also important for me to note that the Chapter Stops in this DVD were obviously loosely decided upon. The first two scenes have titles such as "Sexy Cyborgs Act 1" and "Sexy Dead Babes," but there was no other indications of new scenes other than a drastic change in set design and costume.

The DVD:

There were no extra features on this DVD.

There was no dialogue in this DVD, but the sound quality of the music was crisp and clear. If you like industrial bands such as White Zombie and CombiChrist, as well as
electronica bands like Kraftwerk then you'll enjoy the music. The visual quality was also impressive, primarily because they had the proper usage of lighting to set the mood in such
a creepy and thrilling way that gave off a sense that you were watching a horror or sci-fi movie.

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