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On The Couch (Blu-Ray)

Studio: Vivid » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 6/9/09

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Nikki Jayne!

On the Couch (SD and Blu-ray)

Vivid Entertainment

Genre: Vignette

Director: Chuck "Paul Thomas" Lords

Victoria Valentina and James Deen

Cast: Nikki Jayne, Chris Johnson, Victoria Valentino, James Deen, Devon Lee, Marcus London, Sara Stone, Brooke Banner, Christian XXX, Nikki Jayne, Tony DeSergio

Length: 115:17 minutes

Date of Production: 12/14/2008

Devon Lee and Marcus London

Extras: For many of you, the bonus scenes will be the best extras possible, even though they were not unique to this release. The SD version had 5 scenes lasting 88:11 minutes but the Blu-ray version provided only two, balanced out by the fact that they were presented in high definition Blu-ray. The two shared by both versions were from Bounce and All Dressed Up, with Strip Tease, Funny Bone and "Nurse Monique" rounding out the offerings in the SD version (that also offered a text biography of Nikki Jayne). Both versions also offered a 19:26 minute long Behind the Scenes feature, a number of bloopers, flashes of sex/nudity, and amusing anecdotes presented to add entertainment value, the learning of lines, the wearing of apparel from competitors, and little interviews all well received. The SD version also had a photogallery and some trailers along with spam.

Condoms: None

Sara Stone, Brooke Banner, and Christian XXX

-- sponsored by --

Audio/Video Quality: On the Couch (SD and Blu-ray) was presented in the same 1.78:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen color it was shot in by director Chuck "Paul Thomas" Lords for Vivid Entertainment using the standard definition MPEG-2 codec in 480p resolution for the SD version and the 1080i/VC-1 codec for the superior looking Blu-ray version. For those unfamiliar with his background, Paul is well known and well awarded in porn, a number of fans appreciating his better movies. This one was shot in 1080i high definition, making the Blu-ray version of it look much better, but the camera work seemed a definite upgrade in most of the scenes to the work he has done even in the recent past, evidence that cameramen B. Skow and Shylar Cobi were as good in the second chair as in the lead. The editing was a bit smoother this time and whatever minor issues popped up were dealt with on the fly, Alex Fuentes editing and Justin Silverlake with handling post production chores but the Skow touch was evident throughout the flick. The composition of the camera angles was not optimal this time, catering to the director's decisions to change things around (and not have all the sex scenes "on the couch"). The fleshtones were generally accurate though but the DVD mastering was well done (if only in a bitrate hovering around 4.1 Mbps in SD and 13.1 Mbps in the high definition Blu-ray), making it a mixed bag in terms of visual quality; leaning towards above average (if on the low side for Skow himself). There was a company watermark that I wasn't too keen on but most of the camera work seemed to keep this in mind, keeping the majority of action far away from the lower right hand corner. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital English (in 192 Kbps with a 48 kHz sampling rate) offering with the vocals sounding flat and the music pretty decent. For some reason, the levels were about the same as usual but aside from the added background noise, the dynamic range was average and the separation of the vocal track nonexistent. For an all sex feature though, it was a sufficient soundtrack with minimalist leanings most of you will appreciate over loud generic music found elsewhere.

Nikki Jayne and Tony DeSergio

Body of Review: Chuck "Paul Thomas" Lords is almost the definition of "old school" porn directors these days, his legacy strong enough that he could retire tomorrow and be well thought of by many in the industry but as times change, some consider him a bit of a relic too. While my own views on his movies admittedly tend to favor the "best days behind him" school of thought, Vivid Entertainment would need a true features director to take his place were he to bask in the glow of his past successes. Having found his big budget release Throat lacking on several levels, I thought it might be nice to see how he handles the quickie vignette titles he tosses out so often, their relatively disposable nature putting less pressure on the big guy to make things work. As such, I picked On the Couch (SD and Blu-ray) to give a look at, the high definition version looking exceptionally crisp by comparison. The focal point of the movie was the ever lovely Nikki Jayne, the blond hotty from England that took the porn world by storm in her very first release and never let up since. While Nikki is the perfect pornstar in many ways, combining beauty, a nasty streak, and a love of sex in all sorts of ways, only a few movies have allowed her to live up to her reputation so I was hoping this might be another ultra heated set of scenes. The movie was a feature made up mostly of vignettes this time, requiring some dialogue but mainly focusing on the sexual exploits of the women, Nikki gracing the world with two more scenes. The back cover said it like this: "Did Somebody Say Analyst? Nikki has no friends and she can't figure out why. She hopes a day at the shrink's office can shed some light. Just before entering, she decided that it will be a more effective session if she removes her panties under her short skirt to "get the doctor's attention." And of course this is Nikki's blessing and her curse...her insatiable sexuality. She uses her body to get whatever she wants, and as she relates her problems to the good doctor, we hear how she stole her best friend's boyfriend, her neighbor's spouse, and her business partner's chauffeur. In other words, Nikki's been busy...on the couch and off." Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Scene One: Nikki Jayne, the beauty featured on the front cover, was up first in the messy garage, wearing a white top but no pants, beckoning moper Chris Johnson to fuck her. She provided some dirty talk that I really liked but then there was a jumped cut to him boning her from behind in a standing doggy. Many of the product labels were blurred out and the company logo in the lower right hand corner was as painful as the buzzing of the airplanes in the background, Nikki bringing me back to reality by turning around to slob his knob with a degree of enthusiasm that would drain most men within seconds. While he licked her slightly too, she provided by far the most oral of the scene, finally getting a chance to actively ride his pecker when she was on top of him as he laid on the floor. It ended when he rubbed out a load of genetic juice to her stomach but they were rushed to get dressed due to a story part of the show.

Scene Two: Victoria Valentino, a curvy Latina with long black hair, was up next in a grudge fuck with James Deen on the patio. They fought before fucking, James warming her up with his hand even as he spoke too much, Victoria aggressively blowing him with all the attendant noises to show she was no stranger to slobbing a knob. James had some minor wood issues before penetrating her pussy, her best position being on top of him since it was the only one where she pushed to meet his thrusts. There was no chemistry between them and precious little enthusiasm too, his load of population pudding landing mainly on her titty and his leg though he aimed for her mouth.

Scene Three: Devon Lee, a curvy MILF with large breasts, was up next as she played with real life lover Marcus London in the kitchen (after he warmed up thinking grossly about doing his daughter Nikki). I've seen this pair screw a lot before and the chemistry between them wasn't even limited by the haphazard editing too much, the retro-sounding music weird in how it seemed to come out of nowhere. After reducing her clothing down to a bra and matching panties, she sucked him off, savoring the taste of his rod as she took her time, Marcus reciprocating very briefly before pounding her pussy. They screwed in several positions but without any taste testing or other means to break up the action, his wad of spew left on her lower abdomen before he tried doing her a few more pumps. It was creepy the way he was shown looking at Nikki while doing Devon, weakening it for me a bit more than perhaps it should have (maybe if I just skipped the story, it would have worked better).

Scene Four: Sara Stone and Brooke Banner, a couple of well endowed busty babes, were up next with Christian XXX, the trio having rehearsed their lines both with and without Nikki. Sara then came on to Christian out of the blue, his hands all over her as Brooke took off her top to masturbate while she watched them. Okay, the believability factor tossed out the window (Sara and Brooke are swell but there is no way that a straight man would ditch Nikki for either, or both, of them [editor's note: we are talking about Christian, are we not?]), the ladies double teamed his cock orally with some winning skills before they screwed vaginally. He took turns with each of them but focused most of his efforts on Sara, Brooke strangely sitting back on the couch to masturbate and not touch her two friends together most of the time. It was almost as if she didn't like Sara or something but it bugged me nonetheless. That both gals kept looking at the camera didn't help me regain my arousal, the rest of the scene done by the numbers before Sara's breasts became the landing place for his semen.

Scene Five: Nikki Jayne, now masturbating her pantiless pussy as she thought of the previous sexual encounter, was rebuffed by moper Tony DeSergio until their hour was up, at which time he seemed quite taken by her. That it tossed out the whole point of the movie and his professionalism was odd (I wondered if the script took two or maybe three matchbook covers to cover) but even with a third tier male like Tony, I was happy to see Nikki back in action after so many thwarted attempts. He set her on the couch and ate her out at length, Nikki's talented mouth taking over to give him a swell hummer before impaling herself on his modest sized cock. They boned vaginally until he gave her the facial she wanted, Nikki looking up to the camera as all was revealed regarding the thematic elements of the show.

Bonus Scene: Bounce: Rebecca Lane, an attractive redhead with light blue eyes, was up next as she followed the formulaic process, teasing with her breasts in such a manner that breast fanatics will find much to like about the scene. She also had a sweet looking, heart shaped ass but there wasn't nearly enough time devoted to it, the color tone slightly saturated (and off) when Mick Blue entered into the picture on the couch to engage in titty play. Mick likes tits as much as any guy and took his time with hers, massaging them as he inserted his cock in her tight pussy. While out of order for most such scenes, that follow a more traditional formula, this lent an air of expectation about what would come next, Rebecca wrapping her lips around the juice-soaked cock to blow him before a titty fuck. She looked at the camera a bunch too and concentrated her oral efforts on his head during the extensive oral, but the hand assisted hummers were still well done and I loved the way her fleshy ass bounced when she rode his cock during the cowgirl variations. It's funny but I was actually happy that the vaginal penetration portions of the scene were the shortest (not just in this scene too), Rebecca milking his spew onto her 100% natural titties before the camera went to her eyes one last time.

Bonus Scene: All Dressed Up: Sunny Lane, the foxy blond seen on the cover's middle (second from the right side), was up next as a stripper cop, complimenting the prisoner outfit of lean Monique Alexander as the two discussed their roles for the day. The showcase tease added some fun and they appeared to embrace their respective roles, Sunny getting frisky with Monique before sending her inside the house so she (Sunny), could finish her tease. That was when Alex Gonz joined in, Sunny eating Monique as Monique blew Alex, both gals eventually getting to blow him and eat each other though Alex did not engage in a lot of oral here. He saved his energy and enthusiasm for the vaginal pounding he gave both of them, drilling the active riders well as the gals took turns assisting him with the other. While this was not either of the gals' best scenes to date, it was a decent way to end the movie as Alex jerked off to Sunny's crotch and Monique's face.

Summary: On the Couch (SD and Blu-ray) by director Chuck "Paul Thomas" Lords for Vivid Entertainment was one of the modest offerings the director has placed under his secondary alias. For the most part, when he is referred to as "Chuck Lords", the movie is going to be at once disposable and ultra low budget, probably shot at the same time as a few others to save money. That doesn't mean that they are all crap, it just means they don't waste much time on anything other than the sex, the story barely there or worth checking out. Such was the case here, the movie earning a rating of Rent It from me in both formats, though I'd be lying if I said seeing Nikki in high definition Blu-ray did not spark a few memories of January 2009 for me (no comment). In short, On the Couch (SD and Blu-ray) were not bad to rub a few loads out, especially if you find Nikki Jayne as breathtaking as I do but the staying power of the story or the rest of the scenes just wasn't there this time.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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