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Heaven or Hell

Studio: Wicked Pictures » Review by Crimson Clown » Review Date: 6/9/09

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

Candy is having a bad afterlife and to make it worse, she's not sure what after life she's stuck in.

"Heaven or Hell" is a lot like "Heaven Can Wait" and "Bedazzled" with a hint of "The Devil in Miss Jones" and it's the second feature porno I've seen from Wicked Pictures this month.

We begin with Candy celebrating her birthday with her boyfriend who showers her with sexual gifts including vibrators and lingerie but Candy is so pleased with her little get together she decides to unwrap another present from him, the one in his pants. Instantly she unpacks his cock and sucks him long and hard as he takes it with assorted groans.

It's followed up by a face fucking as she undresses and bears her sweet body rubbing his cock on her tits and licking his balls, he then spreads her out and sucks on her clit eating her out, and finger pops her as she begs to be fucked. After some rapid fire finger work, Candy cums all over his fingers and he mounts her fucking her pussy. The plot element that proves to be most crucial is shown in the background as while Candy is being boned her blue bicycle that proves to be her undoing is slowly revealed with a crafty wide pan. She then rides him reverse cowgirl, and she's set to her side to be pounded and then gets a facial discovering her present was in fact a pearl necklace all along.

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After their little celebration, Candy awakes the next morning trying to convince her boyfriend to ride her new blue bicycle. To no avail, she decides to go out on her own and faces a truck that wipes her clean off the face of the Earth. Minutes later she wakes up in a sea of clouds and learns from a spiritual guide that she's not in heaven. And she's not in hell. She's instead in purgatory, a menagerie of badly maimed folks revealing the poor special effects from the "Heaven or Hell" crew while also cribbing from the last scenes of "Beetlejuice" and his trip to hell's waiting room.

Look, "Heaven or Hell" isn't a particularly bad film, it just suffers from some downfalls that keep it from becoming a funny porno worthy of its hype. The movie meanders back and forth making Candy's antics all too minute to warrant an extended stay in purgatory while we're forced to sit through segues in to other purgatory characters' lives as a form of sneaking in segments for a movie that promises to tell a more fluid story. Candy dies too quickly to really get a sense of her character and for that we're never sure if she's a dunce who did inadvertently mean things in her life or is a genuine cunt underneath the ditzy act.

Alektra Blue's performance could use some work as she gives a certain flavor to Candy that sometimes succeeds and sometimes just outright fails. The segues in to the hard fucking also leaves a lot to be desired as they're too goofy to really get in to. While I normally don't mind goofiness, I wonder where all the heat and sexiness drifts off to.

"Heaven or Hell" could have been a better movie with Candy figuring out how to escape Purgatory and atone her sins. Instead she just sits around the waiting room going from character to character asking why they're there only to have us enter in to more segments involving fantasy scenarios that detract from the focus of the movie: Alektra Blue. She is the focus I assumed. The movie takes too long to get Candy characterized and the writers don't even seem to know what to do with her most of the time. After her opening fuck fest, there doesn't seem to be much to do with her and there's not even a closing fuck fest for Alektra who has to spend the next couple hundred years in purgatory. Fucking a dead guy. What a missed opportunity that was.

And couldn't they have told us whether she was going to heaven or hell? It couldn't have hurt to hint.

The picture quality is great with sharp detail and crystal clarity all topped off with a widescreen presentation. The audio is just about some of the best to come from a Wicked Pictures production as it often resembles surround sound thanks to the Dolby Digital presentation that kept the quality top notch.

We're given a trailer for Heaven or Hell, as well as a Bonus Sex Scene with Alektra Blue and Derrick Pierce that's quite good. We also have a twenty minute Behind the Scenes featurette interviewing the performers including Nicole Sheridan who is an avid skydiver, she reveals. There's also an interview with Audrey Bitoni the buxom young cheerleader from the film who is all kinds of hot. This is a great Behind the Scenes special with the crew revealing their tricks and tomfoolery. We also get a great four minute photo gallery and trailer reel.

After Thought:
It's a flawed little comedy porno with no grasp on story, or characters, and it doesn't even make good on its promise of being a flowing feature film, but when it counts the fucking is awesome, Jonathan Morgan is competent, the women are hot and Alektra Blue is cute enough to endure her bad hammy acting. So I suggest you Rent It.

Follow Crimson Clown: https://twitter.com/DeltonProuse

Email Crimson Clown! [email protected]

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