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Gran Prix


Studio: Cal Vista Classic » Review by The Mooninite » Review Date: 6/16/09



XCritic's Advice: Recommended

The Movie:

Here's an obscure one, a 'Trojan Production' shot somewhere sometimes in the seventies if the fashions are anything to go by. Nobody in the cast has evidently done anymore work, you can't find any information on them anywhere. The accents place and racing theme place this bad boy somewhere in the south, but only those mysterious artisans who made it know for sure.

When the movie starts, a pair of greaseballs are at the race track. One dude is watching, the other, a dumpy looking guy, appears to be a driver. He excuses himself because he has an 'emergency' to take care of and we cut to a dramatic shot of him on the phone talking to his old lady. From there we see him inside a slick paneled room drinking from the water cooler. A girl with dirty blonde hair tells him to stop pacing and to relax and then we see the two of them tell an older man that they want to get married on the track at 120 miles per hour. The blonde wants a church wedding, or so she says in an amazing monotone voice, but our dumpy guy has got the need for speed. They bitch back and forth for a while in a remarkably unconvincing manner and then they head to the bedroom. No sex until marriage in the deep south? Not for these horny campers. Blondy gives dumpy a blowjob which causes him to moan like he's dying and then he eats her out at which point she asks him if doing her is better than 'racing a Goddamn car?' He doesn't answer and they sixty-nine for a while and then she rides him reverse cowgirl style. She spins around for some traditional cowgirl style action and we get a look at her boobs, which appear to have been the pet project of some hack plastic surgeon. Ick. He calls her by her name at least, and we learn that it's Maggie as he spoon fucks her incredibly hairy bush. The carpet don't match the draps, kids. He pulls out and she lets him spooge into her mouth.

Dumpy moves on and we see him cavorting with a pretty brunette. She lies in his lap and they talk about this and that while the same song that played over the last scene, a free stylin' bee-bopping jazz number, oodles away on the soundtrack. This brunette gives dumpy head and we can hear somebody off camera bark a direction. There's a knock at the door and the guy who was talking to dumpy at the beginning walks in and threatens to rat him out to Maggie. Dumpy points his shoe at him and threatens him but the threat of a pitchfork up his ass ceases any violence that may have occurred.

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Meanwhile, Maggie is getting fitted for her wedding dress. She talks about marrying Timothy so I guess that we'll stop calling him dumpy and start calling him Timothy. At least it sounded like said Timothy but later on it sounds like someone calls him Earl. So let's cut back to him where he's getting head at the same time the other dude is from the brunette we met earlier. She sucks one cock at a time as they talk about racing. Meanwhile, Maggie is sharing a double ended dildo with a female friend, the one who was helping her with her dress. They bump and grind that toy and reminisce about the day they bought it together... ah, memories. They lap away at one another's pussies and play with the toy while a sexy saxophone number wails away. Meanwhile, the racers are playing with the nameless brunette's snatch, still talking about racing. The girl looks bored, and rightfully so, but eventually the guys each slip two fingers into her at the same time and she retorts with 'Ooo, you've got me so hot' but you can tell she's a liar. The guys eventually get around to fucking her one at a time while Maggie and her lesbian lover munch the carpet.

The next day at the race track the two dudes are bickering about cars and muttering about girls. It's kinda hard to hear over the race cars zipping by them. Timothy meets Maggie out in the parking lot and they get into a bit of a spat but Timothy doesn't seem to give a shit. He heads over to the lesbian lover's house looking for booze. She's not dressed but lets him in anyway. He takes her towel off and plays with her tits. He eats her out and fingers her and then she gives him head before riding him cowgirl style and then fucking him missionary style. Meanwhile, Maggie and a friend are sucking the cock of a random dude that has wandered onto the set. They ride him a bit and suck him a bit more and that's that. Drama ensues when Timothy finds the double ended dildo that the lesbian was using with Maggie. He gets upset not realizing she and a friend are tag teaming the random stranger nearby. It all leads up to a not so thrilling conclusion where Maggie and Timothy must work together to save their marriage if it is to happen at all. Oh and there's a lot of stock footage of race cars thrown into the last ten minutes too, to remind us that there's a racing theme here.

The Video:

While this newly remastered 2008 release from VCX is bugged with their obnoxious and insulting 'copyright VCX 2008' bug, it otherwise looks okay considering its obscurity, save for the fact that it is, like most of their transfers, interlaced. Sourced from a reasonably clean film source, this fullframe transfer presents the picture in what has to be its original aspect ratio. The image is stable despite some omnipresent print damage and scratches and it looks pretty film like with some welcome grain and, thankfully, no evidence of any digital artifacting to note. Keep in mind that this is a pretty obscure picture that has not been preserved the way other more mainstream titles have. The fact that it looks as good as it does here is something of a small miracle, even if to fans who aren't particularly familiar with the genre it'll probably look pretty bad.

The Audio:

The Dolby Digital Mono audio isn't so hot. The music is much louder than the dialogue so you'll find yourself reaching for the remote from time to time to turn it up or down depending on what you're watching. Expect a bit of echo and some mild hiss in some spots but those accustomed to the way these films are generally treated on DVD will probably be fine with it.

The Extras:

VCX has included short bonus scenes from Suzie Superstar, Three Faces Of Angel, Trinity Brown and Here Comes The Bride. They average about five minutes in length a piece and are moderately amusing even if they have nothing at all to do with the mysterious feature film. Also included is a Legendary Tribute bit, which is basically just a five minute montage of clips from various old porno movies. Rounding out the extras are a slideshow featuring some production stills and glamour shots of the cast in action, and trailers for Pink Champagne, Making It Big, Easy and Tramp as well as some animated menus, scene selection and a web-link.

Overall:

Amazing in its ineptitude, Gran Prix isn't in the least bit erotic nor does it come anywhere even close to good - that said, it's pretty entertaining stuff for those who appreciate the baddest of the bad when it comes to low rent seventies smut. Bad acting? An unattractive cast? A horrible plot? Bad camera work? Terrible soundtrack? Primitive cinematography? They're all here and more. Those looking for something to stroke to will look elsewhere but trash movie fans and exploitation buffs can consider this fantastic turd of a movie heartily recommended... just know what you're getting into first.



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