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Cum Fu

Studio: Muffia » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 6/23/09

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Cum Fu


Genre: Asian Women, Web-to-DVD

Director: None Credited

Cast: Gianna Lynn, Rocco Reed, Roxy Jezel, Christina Aguchi, Kaiya Lynn, Charles Dera, Voodoo, London Keys, Kimmy Thai, Mikey Butders

Length: 156:51 minutes

Gianna Lynn

Date of Production: 2/20/2009

Extras: The best extra would be the 34:53 minute long bonus scene from "King Dong" starring Aletia Ocean as shot on 3/3/2009. It was a cute vignette about a kept woman finding the bar tender more sexually appealing than her dried up old loser of a sugar daddy with plenty of anal for those that care. There were also some trailers to various shows from Reality Kings and Muffia, as well as spam.

-- sponsored by --

Condoms: One

Jandi Lin (click for scene specific trailer)

Audio/Video Quality: Cum Fu was presented with a couple of different aspect ratios, most of the scenes presented in 1.33:1 full frame while others were handled in a letterboxed widescreen simulating a 1.78:1 ratio as shot by the uncredited directors of Muffia. The 480p resolution, MPEG-2 encoded footage was hard to pin down in terms of consistent factors making up the visual elements (perhaps due to the likelihood of several directors and crews) but it ranged between a decent home movie and some of the more established internet company material I'm used to, the unpolished look of the footage endearing in a few cases, bothersome in others. The framing sometimes cut off a gal's head or crotch while the inconsistent lighting provided shadows, grain, and other elements weakening the overall look of the show but I went in expecting little and found the sex itself was often pretty decently performed. If you're a technophile demanding the best looking porn on the market you will want to skip this one but if you like hot Asian babes banging, you should consider it despite these elements (the video bitrate often hovering around the 2.3 Mbps area, showing the numbers do not equate to better resolution). The audio was also nothing special, presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital English with a 48 kHz sampling rate and 192 Kbps bitrate. There was a hollowness to the aural portions of the show, occasionally sounding dubbed or looped, with a bit of amplification gain in some of the scenes where the microphone was probably too far away from the cast.

Roxel Jezel and Christina Aguchi (click for scene specific trailer)

Body of Review: Muffia is an internet company perhaps best known for their comedic takes on various television shows, their recently released Star Trix: Deep Penetration far and away the funniest (even sexiest) parody of the popular "Star Trek" show to date. I was so surprised by their hit that I picked up Cum Fu, their latest release, figuring it might be an equally hilarious take on the David Carradine (RIP) show from the 1970's, "Kung Fu" but it turned out to be a relatively generic set of vignettes shot for the internet. Despite my initial disappointment, I pressed on because while I am not exactly fixated on Asian gals, there are some mighty fine ladies falling into that genre. The company website described the series like this: "Forget cage fighting and mixed martial arts. Who wants to see a bunch of sweaty Asian men rolling around on the floor when you can learn to practice Cum Fu instead! Karate and Tae Kwon Do are ancient Asian arts but fucking and catching cumshots is an art that has been around since forever! These Asian cock-sockets are out to prove that whorientals are the true masters of sexual combat. They aren't politely asking you to have sex with them, they are demanding you shove your dick into their twats until it bashes against the back wall of their vagina like you were a black-belt trying to break a stack of wood boards with it! Like any good Asian martial art Cum Fu utilizes some specialized stances including: Squatting Whore, Slut On Her Knees, Open Throat Technique and more! Each Asian student of Cum Fu is carefully trained by Oriental masters from Japan, Korea, China and even Mongolia! Just when you think you are safe in top position, the Cum Fu slut can spread her holes wide to let you inside before trapping you as her Korean, Japanese or Chinese pink slit snaps shut tighter than any white girl's pussy you've ever fucked before. She'll make you cum whether you want to or not because she needs your cum! After all, Cum Swallowing is where her chi power comes from!" Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action (as well as the scene descriptions from the company website), noting that a condom was used for those still interested:

Kaiya Lynn (click for scene specific trailer)

Scene One: Wang Slang: Gianna Lynn, the Asian gal featured on the right side of the front cover, was up first taking on Rocco Reed in a massage parlor. The action was pretty standard with some oral and vaginal penetration, Gianna actively jumping his bone. It was a decent scene and she took the wad of genetic juice to her mouth after milking it out so successfully with her skillful ride, the lack of chemistry only marginally weakening it for me thanks to the energy involved. The company said it this way: "An Asian massage parlor is the place to go for special treatment. The beautiful big breasted Gianna Lynn was there to take care of the situation with her gentle hands. Once she bumped into Roccos hard dick under the towel is when it all began. Wow, she immediately swallowed his dick and let Rocco know he was in for a long ride. What a way to take care of your customers, from back rubs to doggy style is the way of the samurai.. Enjoy.."

London Keys (click for scene specific trailer)

Scene Two: Kinky Ink: Jandi Lin, the heavily tattooed babe seen on the upper right quadrant on the cube of pictures on the cover, was up next trying to work out a deal for more, and cheaper, ink with some uncredited mope. The guy wore a fucking loser t-shirt supporting a South American dictator and made the deal with her as long as she took the tattoo he wanted and she act like a porn star ("it couldn't be that hard..."). The scene was again lacking in personal chemistry but showed Jandi giving a good hummer, the knob slobbing ending with a bout of vaginal boning. Since she has left the business, I suspect this scene was shot previously but also because she seemed to be more passive than usual until she warmed up. The scene closed up when she took the load of population pudding to her mouth and scooped up to swallow, joking with the moper as the camera bobbed up and down. The website's take: "Jandi Lin was going to get a tattoo at the local tattoo shop. The tattoo artists assistant had the idea to give a her a hook up on a tattoo if she would be on Kumfu. All she had to do was suck and fuck him. She went with it and was quick to shove his cock down her throat. Then, he flipped her on the tattoo bench and stuck his face in her beautiful little pussy. She got very wet and horny and demanded to get fucked at once. She got her sweet pussy banged hard to her request. Then, she received man juice all over her cute face. She got a free tattoo and a great pussy pounding. It was her lucky day."

Kimmy Thai (click for scene specific trailer)

Scene Three: Make It Hot: Roxy Jezel and Christina Aguchi, the duo seen underneath Jandi on the cover, were up next as they went inside on a cold day to warm up by the fireplace. This meant, of course, that they had to get their clothing off to showcase some skimpy lingerie, the gals licking and pawing one another on the floor with some toys and POV footage. The company's take: "On this cold afternoon, Roxy and Christina rushed inside to get warm by the fireplace. They sure got things heated up. Stripping out of their clothing, leaving nothing but their lingerie, they started kissing and touching each others perky boobs. Then the pussy licking started. Add some nipple sucking and even some toys in the form of dildos, these girls had tons of fun. It sure was steamy. I love Asian lesbian action. I know you will too."

Scene Four: Bang Like That: Kaiya Lynn, the gal with a parasol seen on the lower left corner, was up next as she was rescued by Charles Dera and Voodoo from the clutches of an evil organization. The spoof on the video game heroes from "Double Dragon" aside, the cheesy acting by the guys (especially Voodoo) was laughably bad (and done so intentionally) but the sex was okay. The oral and vaginal penetration led to anal but there was no chemistry and she was too passive for my tastes. The company described it like this: "Jimmy and Billy together are, Double Shaggon! They had to go rescue Kaiya from a crime organization and bring her home safely. Later, Jimmy tells his brother that the reason he did this was to have a threesome. It was a set up. After some convincing, he came to his senses and teamed up with his Brother for another tag team adventure. The Brothers became one, one rotisserie for Kaiya to spin on. The grand finale was a Cum shower, provided by two brothers."

Scene Five: Dirt Bike Loving: London Keys, the sexy little babe on the ATV seen on the lower left hand corner, was up next as she was rescued by an ATV enthusiast who had been having an otherwise uneventful day. She rewarded her hero and went back to his trailer, the pair taking off their clothes to suck and fuck in a standard scene. London is a babe, to be sure, and she must have tasted pretty swell given the way he ate her out at length but she was a most active vaginal rider too so, the scene finishing up with a vaginal cream pie. From the company: "The day went without a hitch. The day was set to ride the rhino and do amazing jumps off killer sand dunes. And with my amazing luck I did just that. Except there was a little twist to the story. I got to save a damsel in distress. A huge bonus if you ask me. Any mans fantasy to save a sexy fox that needs rescuing. So that's exactly what i did. Her dumbass friends left her behind. So i gave her a lift to my campsite RV. From there things got a little hot. I guess every favor deserves another favor."

Scene Six: Thai Titties: Kimmy Thai, the only gal not seen on the cover, was up last with popular Mikey Butders, the generic setting being one of the handful of porn houses in the valley. She was dressed to kill and began kissing him on the steps to the fireplace, Kimmy masturbating as she prepared to blow him. She gave a good hummer in POV fashion and then he hammered her passive pussy, eventually swallowing his wad of spew. The company version of events: "Kimmy wants to take us with her to her favorite place to relax. She says shes looking for inspiration, and she ended up getting inspired and horny as well. So, she calls Mikey to cum satisfy her needs. Satisfy he did. Mikey came into the house like a bat out of hell, and dove head first into those Beautiful Tits. Kimmy got Fucked Hard and swallowed every last bit of Cum that Mikey shot in her mouth."

Summary: Cum Fu by Muffia was a bit generic for me as someone not truly into Asian women as a genre so I rated it as a Rent It but aficionados of the genre might find enough to either pick up a copy of the DVD or join the website for a month to get all the scenes shot to date. The levels of fuck for the buck were enhanced by the bonus scene too but it was unrelated to the advertised concept so your mileage may vary. In short, Cum Fu was not a parody of an old television series, nor was it an awesome fuck flick but it had a lot of Asian babes to admire if you're in the market for them.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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