Cast: Britney Amber, Eric Swiss, Ryder Skye, Chris Cannon, Kenzi Marie, Marcus London, Claudia Valentine, Tricia Oaks, Aiden Starr, Jackie Avalon, Lilly Kingston, Alan Stafford
Length: 89:44 minutes
Date of Production: 9/25/2008
Extras: The only real extra worth noting was the 11:58 minute long Behind the Scenes feature by "Coach". It was too short to really give the cast and crew much time but there were some tidbits worth checking out and additional nudity so aside from a handful of anecdotes about the production and those within, it was on the low end of the spectrum for me. There was also a bunch of spam commercials, some trailers, a slide show, and a method to select a female performer to go straight to her scene.
Ryder Skye and Chris Cannon
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Audio/Video Quality: The Whores Have Eyes was presented in a fetching 1.78:1 widescreen color by director Stuart Canterbury for Hustler Video using the AVC codec; a standard on Blu-Ray discs; the standard definition version in MPEG-2 with the usual 480p resolution compared to the 1080i resolution of the high definition version, partially made up for by the SD's anamorphic nature). My knowledge of the SD version of the title allows me to compare the two; it lacked the better resolution and purity of fleshtones this version had, the bitrate often hovering around 22.1 Mbps area compared to less than a quarter that in the SD version which seemed to hover around the 5.1 Mbps mark. The use of video might bother some folks but it suited the nature of the show far more than film would have and the contrasts were all enhanced by the high definition approach. There were no obvious compression artifacts, no grain to speak of, and I saw no macro-blocking or other issues that pop up. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English using a 224 Kbps bitrate at 48 kHz in both versions. The vocals on the scenes were flat and even in most cases, the voice-overs sounding somewhat warmer in tone and always easier to hear, and the minimal music seemed to come from the stock library used for years by the company. In terms of upgrades then, the visuals got the largest boost by a wide margin with the aural capabilities once again cleaned up but only slightly.
Body of Review: Stuart Canterbury has been making porn features for years now, longer than most of the female performers he currently showcases in productions have been alive so it makes sense that his best work at Hustler Video helps support their status as one of the top sitcum/parody producers in the industry. While their very best titles are still brought in from outside, their learning curve is such that they can count the days until they are able to compete one on one with companies such as New Sensations using their in-house productions alone, their best titles already running for various awards according to several of my associates; This Ain't Happy Days XXX being the best of the bunch so far. While the lion's share of recent parodies have been sitcums and comedies shows in general, the largely untapped field of horror appeals to many too so it made sense for the company to commission Stuart to make The Whores Have Eyes, a parody of the brutal mainstream slice & dice remake flick "The Hills Have Eyes" by Wes Craven. This time, the family traveling the back roads is faced with a different kind of threat brought on by government testing, a threat of a sexual nature in the form of some 1980's looking tramps with big hair and self-applied makeup ravaging them for your stroking pleasure. The back cover described it like this: "When a family of five gets stranded deep in the desert they fall victim to an alien mutated race of fuck hungry whores. They crave fucking and the only thing that will keep them at bay is to give in shhh... They are watching you." Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:
Tricia Oaks and Claudia Valentine
Scene One: Britney Amber, the busty babe seen on the right side of the front cover, was up first outside by the gas station with Eric Swiss. She was dressed up as she was on the cover and he was wearing his attendant jumpsuit, though both were not covered for long as they kissed and pawed each other. Eric is considered to be one of the next big names in porn parodies given his acting abilities with dialogue, his every-man sexual skills allowing viewers to identify more with him than the plethora of pussy chasing top meat puppets that tend to win awards more often. This time, Britney dropped to her knees to aggressively slob his knob, throating the lucky man as she engulfed his pecker so deeply. This was followed by a very active vaginal ride in a few positions, her streaming dirty talk really appreciated to enhance her projection of a nasty, mutated whore. The scene finished up with him rubbing out a load of genetic juice to her face, the gal not swallowing it but at least not shying away either.
Aiden Starr, Jackie Avalon, and Lilly Kingston
Scene Two: Ryder Skye, a cute little redhead with ponytails and a green dress, was up next in a lounge chair as Chris Cannon went down on her. The camera did not catch the cunnilingus very well though the high definition version was detailed enough to show the bee hovering about the check next to them. She did not seem to have much chemistry with him and therefore over reacted to his ministrations or oral loving, her own blowjob showing her much more readily suited to giving over receiving pleasure. When their clothing was finally dropped in favor of the natural look, her landing strip was hot but her implants left something to be desired, her moderately active riding style enough to get the job done though not bring it home all by herself. The vaginal screwing was capped by a tiny bit of taste testing, the load of population pudding left rubbed out on her chest.
Scene Three: Kenzi Marie, the bleach blond featured on the lower left hand corner of the cover, was up next as the wanton whore in need of seed from muscular Marcus London outside the closed gas station at night. She was clear in what she wanted from him, the limited dialogue thankfully left to the curb as she tossed him down and ripped off his pants to consume his growing member. The lighting was modest here but it was plain to see she liked sucking cock, the gal attempting to maintain eye contact with him as she devoured his pecker so readily. Kenzi was an active rider of cock too, her pussy easily accommodating his average dick inside as she impaled herself upon it, the resulting barrage of spew going to her mouth before she did some post coital sucking.
Scene Four: Claudia Valentine, a curvy brunette in summer attire, and blond Tricia Oaks (the gal seen on the upper left side of the cover), were up next in the camper in a lesbian scene. They ate each other out and pawed each other well enough to add some pornified realism to the act. Tricia was the more convincing of the two here though both appeared to be held back at least a little bit (or instructed on what to do as they did it, the delayed response weakening the scene somewhat). I liked Tricia's slutware look a lot and found the complete lack of penetrative sex an interesting choice (no toys) but it was mostly a filler scene and both ladies have done far better elsewhere.
Scene Five: Aiden Starr, Jackie Avalon, Lilly Kingston, and Alan Stafford, were up last at night by the camper. Aiden wanted some cock and her slutty friends were perfectly happy to engage in some lipstick lesbian licking while they watched. Aiden was perhaps the most convincing in her role here sexually, Alan not doing much more than what she demanded of him. The camera work again got in the way of the production, the need for multiple cameras to "do it right" evidenced time and again as it had been previously. Aiden was a fine cock sucker and while Alan barely showed any emotion during his attempts at orally pleasing her, she threw herself into the role quite heatedly. Jackie and Lilly were relegated to secondary roles by the camerawork and editing but they did manage to play with Aiden ever so briefly during her vaginal penetration work. The active ride aside, he finished up when he beat off a round to her sweet ass cheeks, the minimalist production ending on a confusing note with some dialogue during the credits.
Summary: The Whores Have Eyes by director Stuart Canterbury for Hustler Video was a slight take off on the mainstream horror flick but the sex wasn't bad in most cases, one scene completely disposable, another few considered mediocre for replay, and glimpses of true energy in the rest so I rated this one as a Rent It. Better extras and more attention to the technical aspects, along with more worthy sexual footage would have pushed it over the top to a higher rating but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a lot of potential in the cast. In short, The Whores Have Eyes isn't likely to go on anybody's "top porn parody" lists but it showed that with some serious tweaking, Stuart could find himself with a winner on his hands in future works so check it out.
---- You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon