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John Holmes: The Lost Tapes
Advice: Rent It
Anyone who is anyone knows who John C. Holmes is. You don't even have to be a porn aficionado to have heard of his legendary exploits both on and off the screen. He's been gone for a while now but his legacy remains and evidently his name still sells - witness John C. Holmes - The Lost Tapes, a collection of material that, I guess, was lost at some point but isn't anymore? There are no credits given for any of the eight scenes collected on this DVD which, given Holmes' rather massive filmography, makes it a little tricky to figure out as far as sources go, but hey, it is what it is. Let's take a look:
Scene One - Ashley Welles, A Brunette and, John Holmes: I've no idea where this scene came from but it's set in a room with a lot of wood paneling. Ashley is in bed with John and the curvy brunette and a disco version of the theme from Star Wars is playing in the background. John eats Ashley out, riding his face, while the brunette, who has huge permed hair, sucks John's balls and cock. Ashley gets off of John's face and leans against the wall to finger herself and watch the oral action and then she rides John's cock while the brunette sits on his face. John flips the brunette over onto her back and after giving us a look at his rad knee high tube socks he proceeds to fuck her missionary style while the soundtrack bombards us with laser beam sounds. Ashley works her way on top of the other girl for some sixty-nine fun and sucks John off as R2D2 oodles and beeps in the background. John comes in Ashley's mouth and she spits the spunk onto the brunette.
Scene Two - Rhonda Jo Petty And John Holmes: This scene kicks in immediately, with John's face buried between Ronda's thighs, going down and slurping away. Some disco plays in the background and they move into a sixty-nine. She gets down on all fours and he hits it from behind, slowly working it all the way into her as she starts to really get into things. He flips her over for some missionary style fucking and puts it in her mouth to let her suck him off to a big ol' facial finish while some bongos flare up in the background music making you think a conga line should somehow come into play here. Sadly it doesn't.
Scene Three - Ashley Welles And John Holmes: Hey, Ashley's back. Sweet. When we bump into these two again she's blowing him in some sort of wardrobe room. She goes down on him for quite a while, and then he fucks her from behind. They go at it standing up and he crams his sausage into her as far as he can and then he pulls out and goops into her mouth and ends the scene.
Scene Four - Lesllie Bovee And John Holmes: When this scene starts John is in bed. He wakes up and turns on the light to find Ms. Bovee sucking his cock. He plays with her ass cheeks a bit as she blows him and then he returns the oral favors and goes down on her. He mounts her missionary style and pummels her pussy for a few minutes, getting her legs up for better access while she rubs her clit a little bit. She rides him cowgirl style and then they go at it missionary style again until he pulls out and shoots onto her tits.
Scene Five - Ashley Welles, A Black Chick And John Holmes: John's sitting on the couch with a tall black chick. They talk a bit and Ashley comes into the room and sits down with them. They talk some more and Welles strips and lets the other gal play with her twat. Both girls get nude and Welles sucks him off. The black chick sits on Ashley's face while John works on her pussy and then fucks her missionary style. The black chick goes down on Ashley while John fucks her from behind and then they girls lay on their backs, face to face, so they can take turns sucking on the head of his cock until he comes all over them.
Scene Six - Connie Peterson, A Brunette, And John Holmes: Sporting a fancy afro and some slick black shades, we see a shirtless Holmes cleaning the pool when this scene starts. Connie likes what she sees and she calls him over. She gives him head and the brunette moves in on the action and takes over. They alternate with blowjob duties and John plays with their tits before the girls move into sixty-nine with the brunette on top. She sits on Connie's face and John fucks Connie missionary style for a bit before slipping out and fucking the brunette from behind. The brunette gets on her back and Connie straddles her face while Holmes fucks her cunt and then, like in the last scene, the girls get face to face and take turns sucking his prick until he fires a load across their faces.
Scene Seven - Ashley Welles And John Holmes: John's on the same couch we saw him on in scene five, eating Ashley out. She sucks his prick and then lifts her legs up to let him piledrive her pussy. She turns over and takes him all the way in from behind, grunting and getting into it (these two have a good chemistry in most of their scenes together) and then she sucks him off until he hoses all over her cleavage and neck.
Scene Eight - Hillary Summers, Maria Tortuga, A Dude And John Holmes: Last but not least, we see all four participants disrobe while some funky disco music plays. John goes down on Hillary while the other two make out in the background. He fucks her missionary style while couple number two go at it doggy style a few feet away. The mystery dude blows his load all over Maria's fine ass while John keeps pumping away at Hillary's snatch. They switch partners Hillary gets fucked her from behind while Holmes mounts Maria and grinds into her before pulling out and putting a load into her mouth.
I'm not so sure that so much of this material is really lost. The last scene is definitely from Remember Connie and some of the other clips might be as well. A few other bits from this collection look familiar, so those with large Holmes libraries might get the feeling that they've been here before. Regardless, as far as clip collection go this one is pretty decent. The video quality is rough which makes some scenes harder to get into than others but the performances are decent and there's enough seventies camp value here (seriously, the first scene with the Star Wars theme in it is just weird) that it's kind of a fun way to kill some time. This isn't essential Holmes material here but it's not bad either, he looks to be in reasonably good shape and not too burnt out.
All of the clips in this collection look like they were shot and film, though this transfer is taken from old video masters. They are all presented in their original 1.33.1 fullframe aspect ratio. The transfers look about as good as you'd expect some twenty year old low budget smutty movies to look, meaning there's some softness throughout and plenty of funky color fading but they're all at least watchable enough when you consider the limitations of the source material. The tape roll that is visible at the bottom of each of the video sourced transfers is annoying though, and Adam & Eve probably should have just matted that out - it wouldn't have affected the compositions or the aspect ratio and it would eliminate the distraction. So yeah, overall, the video quality isn't so impressive here.
The English language Dolby Digital Mono audio is pretty unremarkable but it gets the job done. You won't have any problems understanding the dialogue or following the plot even if there is a bit of hiss in the mix from time to time.
Extras on the John Holmes - The Lost Tapes start off with a bonus scene culled from Lust Tango In Paries where a guy with goofy hair, Randy Paul, approaches a stacked brunette, Keisha - who has an amazing body, in a living room. She gives him a shoulder rub, then disrobes, and unleashes her massive tits. He plays with them a bit and then he goes down on her. She sits on his face for a good long while and shows off her splendid ass and then she rides him reverse cowgirl and cowgirl style. He fucks her doggy style to finish things off.
The DVD also includes a still gallery of screen caps taken from the film's weak DVD transfer, trailers for The Return Of Johnny Wadd, Marina Vice and Treasure Box, and a second still gallery of vintage box cover art. The disc features animated menus, chapter stops, and some web links as well.
I'm not personally a fan of compilation reels, I'd rather see the actual feature from start to finish. Sex is always hotter when it happens in a context and removing the sex scenes from that context rarely helps anything. That, coupled with the rather crappy video quality, prevents this from being a really essential purchase. That said, some of the material is pretty fun and Holmes fans will enjoy it, warts and all. It's tough to recommend it to all but the completists out there, however, so let's go with a 'rent it.'
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