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Tits To Die For


Studio: Penthouse » Review by Dr. Jay » Review Date: 9/24/09



XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Genre: All sex.
Director: Kelly Holland.
Cast:  Audrey Bitoni, Jayden James, Marco Banderas, Nick Manning, Niko, Phoenix Marie, Rhylee Richards, Scott Styles, Tommy Gunn, Victoria Valentino.
Length: 01:34
Condoms: None.
Bonus: One bonus point for condom-free sex.

Synopsis

Tits to Die For is a five-scene all-sex release that highlights the big and buxom tits of some of the hottest girls in 2009 porn. Featured are Audrey Bitoni, Jayden James, Phoenix Marie, Rhylee Richards, and Victoria Valentino.

Tits to Die For is definitely a couples-friendly flick. The sex is all-vaginal (except there's a tiny bit of anal finger-fucking in Scene Two) and never gets edgy. However, that's not to say that the sex is not enjoyable...because, for the most part, it is.

I have begun to really enjoy movies produced by Penthouse. Although all their movies that I've reviewed are couples-style, I am very impressed by the attention to detail that their directors demonstrate. Tits to Die For--and indeed all the Penthouse flicks I've watched and reviewed--are classy movies. For example, Tits to Die For features very nice locations and plush sets, first-class make-up and wardrobe, sumptuous surroundings, expert videography, competent editing, and musical soundtracks that support the on-screen action. In contrast to many of the movies--both gonzo and all-sex--that I've reviewed lately, Tits to Die For is quite refined.

One of the higher-end features of Tits to Die For is the extensive use of voice-overs. A male (presumably Scott Styles, based upon the story line), introduces us to each scene and makes sure we pay attention to the fantastic imagery (breasts, in particular) in front of our eyes. This costly attention to detail goes far beyond the competition and puts Penthouse releases, such as Tits to Die For on a slightly higher plane than other movies.

There are three very fine scenes in Tits to Die For. In particular, Victoria Valentino, who happens to be new to me, is an absolutely outstanding fuck. You really owe it to yourself to get this girl onto your screen! Second, Jayden James, who I think is one of the hottest-ever porn chicks, burns up the screen with Niko in an oil-massage-themed scene. Whew!

I also ought to mention Rhylee Richards. She and her partner Scott Styles have so much fun in Scene Five that their enthusiasm is contagious. Although their scene is not rated quite as high as those featuring Jayden and Victoria, it's great fun to watch.

I've left out two of the scenes...those featuring Audrey Bitoni and Phoenix Marie. In the case of Audrey's scene, she routinely disappoints me because I've never seen her cum once in any of the dozen or so of her scenes that I've reviewed. I also wish to God that she'd sue the ass off of the plastic surgeon that botched her breasts. On the other hand, Audrey is so fucking sexy--especially her thrusting, grinding, gyrating, and undulating moves during cowgirl and reverse--that it's hard not to like her scenes. In Scene One of this movie, Audrey's partner, Marco Banderas, also disappoints me because he never took an opportunity to go down to eat Audrey's entryway-to-heaven pussy. I'll never understand guys who fail to eat their woman's pussy during sex.

Similarly, Tommy Gunn disappointed me in Scene Two...with Phoenix Marie. Although he did manage to please her pussy a bit with his fingers, he never ate her out. Pity. Phoenix, on the other hand, gives a very impressive performance.

Bottom line? Tits to Die For is a comfortable couples-friendly movie that was well made and features very busty and attractive women. It's worth a look.

Check out some photos of the girls in Tits to Die For here. Pay particular attention to the screen captures I made of the action...especially Audrey Bitoni's unbelievably beautiful vagina. Enjoy!

Review

Note to readers: My reviews are provided in two parts. This webpage provides you with an overview of the scene's setup and action as well as my ratings for sex, video, audio, and production values. A separate Word document checklist details the foreplay activities, positions, pops, and features of each scene...as well as the calculation of each scene's ratings. The checklist for Tits to Die For can be downloaded here. You'll need a password. It's drjay2009.

Look for scenes and movies with a 4.5 or higher (A) sex rating and at least 4.0 (B) in video, audio, and production values. Those are my favorite scenes and I'm quite certain that you'll like them, too.

Scene 1

Scene Type: Boy/girl.
Performers: Audrey Bitoni, Marco Banderas.

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: As the scene fades in, Audrey, wearing only a towel, struts from the bathroom into her elegant and well-appointed bedroom. She sits on her bed and begins to massage lotion into her gorgeous and shapely legs. Soon thereafter, Marco, similarly attired, joins Audrey and takes over the task of massaging her flesh. Of course, Marco zeroes-in on Audrey's big tits because this movie, after all, is about "tits to die for." Soon, creamy massage morphs into kissing, groping, and deep-throat-intensive fellatio as the two prepare each other for very erotic sex. Meanwhile, a male (presumably Scott Styles, who gets to fuck Rhylee Richards in Scene Five) extols, in a voiceover, the virtues of Audrey's big tits and explains how lucky Marco really is. "Look at that! Look at them! They're beautiful! So big, luscious, perfect! What man wouldn't want to bury his face in those? Let's be honest. Most men love big tits. It's easy to understand when you realize that big tits we associate with femininity, estrogen, and fertility. So, the bigger the tits, the more there is to hold, to caress, to kiss, to suck...and the more we like it. Look at this guy. He's so lucky!" Truer words were never said. After hot and sexy foreplay, the couple moves on to vaginal sex and enjoys hot and erotic (and superbly-filmed) in-and-out action in reverse, doggie, and spoon. As always, Audrey's moves are fucking hot and guaranteed to give any cock she rides the workout of its life. Sadly, however, Audrey's super-hot moves do not reward her with an orgasm during the scene. Marco does, however, get to cum when he explodes all over Audrey's big boobs. She milks him dry with her hands and then massages his semen into her flesh.

Foreplay: Kissing, oil/lotion, caressing/groping, tit squeezing, handjob, fellatio, deep-throat.
Vaginal Positions: Revere cowgirl, kneeling doggie, spoon.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: No.
Pop: Tits

Sex rating: 3.00
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.00

What I Liked Most:

  • The scene was beautifully shot, beautifully lit, and nicely edited. There are very effective camera angles and excellent close-ups.
  • Audrey's fucking moves, especially in reverse and spoon, are absolutely outstanding. She even moves very erotically while Marco fucks her in kneeling doggie! As always, happy is the cock that gets to experience Audrey's thrusting, grinding, undulating, and gyrating moves...especially in cowgirl or reverse cowgirl. Nobody fucks better than Audrey Bitoni!
  • Audrey's pussy looks especially nice...in particular, when it's ready to swallow Marco's cock in spoon (see screen capture here).
  • The scene has a very nice Spanish-music soundtrack.
  • Audrey and Marco share deep and intense kisses while they fuck.
  • Marco fucks Audrey's abundant tits and then jacks off onto them as she jiggles them.
  • Audrey's beaming face portrays her intense pleasure.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • There should have been more transitioning footage between kneeling doggie and titty fucking.
  • Audrey doesn't climax during the scene.
  • I fervently wish that Audrey would have her breast implants redone. I also wish that the plastic surgeon who butchered her breasts would be sent before a firing squad. Audrey Bitoni is one of the sexiest girls in porn. Everything about her exudes sexuality. To have her body defiled by a quack plastic surgeon is a travesty.

What I Didn't Like:

  • There was no cunnilingus during the scene.

Scene 2

Scene Type: Boy/girl/minimal anal.
Performers: Phoenix Marie, Tommy Gunn.

-- sponsored by --

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Any man who has ever visited a strip club fantasizes about Scene Two. In it, sexier-than-sexy Phoenix Marie gives Tommy Gunn a one-on-one pole dance which inevitably morphs into mutual stripping, tit worship, hot and slobbery deep-throat-intensive fellatio, and finger-fucking (of course, Tommy tips her reams of dollar bills before he gets his dick sucked!). Again the scene is introduced by a male voiceover: "Every man's dream. A beautiful, sensuous, buxom girl...dancing for an audience of one...you! If we could only be him (Tommy). In a dream, he is hers for the taking. He only hopes...and prays...that she WILL take him. And, take him all the way!" Of course, Tommy's fantasy...and ours...does come true and, after they stoke each other's lust during foreplay, they move on to very nice vaginal sex in cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, and doggie. Phoenix even ups the ante by allowing Tommy to shove a finger up her ass to, in effect, double-penetrate her while he reams her pussy with his dick in cowgirl. Phoenix, too, DPs herself by finger-fucking her asshole during cowgirl. Phoenix's body absorbs lots of pleasure during the scene and climaxes during reverse cowgirl. In keeping with the theme of the movie, Tommy spews his load onto Phoenix's fine big tits at the end of the scene. Phoenix uses his semen as first-class moisturizer when she massages it into her voluptuous chest. This is a good solid scene that, unfortunately, contains no cunnilingus.

Foreplay: Pole dancing; mutual stripping; tit sucking, squeezing, and fucking; caressing/groping; handjob; fellatio; deep-throat; stringers; balls-gobbling finger-fucking; clit jacking.
Vaginal Positions: Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, standing doggie.
Anal Positions: Finger-fucking only, including finger/cock DP.
Girl cums: Yes.
Pop: Tits.

Sex rating: 4.05
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.40

What I Liked Most:

  • There is superb tit worship during foreplay...including titty fucking. You'll wish you were Tommy (check out the screen captures here)!
  • Foreplay also contains lots of very fine fellatio, including deep-throat thrusts and stringers...and cock-to-tit action.
  • The scene was beautifully shot and expertly edited! The strip-club lighting is realistic and quite effective.
  • A hard-driving musical soundtrack during foreplay morphs into softer and sexier music later in the scene.
  • There are great close-ups, especially during standing doggie and cowgirl.
  • Phoenix is fucking gorgeous! She looks especially hot in reverse cowgirl. You're particularly going to love her beautiful and very juicy bald-shaven pussy (see screen captures here). By the way, Phoenix's tits and ass are to die for!
  • There is effective use made of a stripper's pole throughout the scene. In particular, I like how Phoenix uses her tits to fuck the stripper's pole while she fucks Tommy in standing doggie (see screen captures here).
  • Phoenix gets so fucking hot that her body glistens with sweat. Speaking of glistening, wait until you see how shiny her abundant girl juice makes Tommy's cock!
  • Phoenix's moves are very erotic during cowgirl.
  • Phoenix DPs herself my shoving her fingers up her asshole while Tommy's reams her cunt.
  • Phoenix cums during reverse.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • There are too many oblique camera angles during fellatio and sex.
  • There is insufficient transitioning footage between cowgirl and reverse.

What I Didn't Like:

  • There's no cunnilingus.

Scene 3

Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Victoria Valentino, Nick Manning

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Scene Three, which is, in my opinion, the hottest scene in Tits to Die For, begins atop a very nice bed as Victoria and Nick wrestle playfully with each other. When Victoria fights her way on top of Nick, she exclaims, "Now I have you right where I want you!" Indeed. Both Victoria and Nick manage to be on top several times during their tussle. But, I think that Nick prefers to be on the bottom so that he can feast on her ripe and erect nipples when he tugs aside her lingerie to reveal her "to-die-for" breasts. For the next few minutes, Nick and Victoria devour each other utilizing lots of hot foreplay including superb cunnilingus, outstanding deep-throat fellatio, and lots of tit worship. After both of their lust engines are purring, they move on to vaginal sex and have a great time fucking each other in several positions (see list below). No matter what position they enjoy, Victoria shows off her truly incredible fucking moves. Damn, she's hot to watch as she thrusts and grinds joyfully! To end this excellent scene, Nick splatters Victoria's fine tits with his semen. Then, she uses her talented hands to milk him dry. Meanwhile, the male narrator exclaims, "Big tits, big trouble. And, BIG satisfaction."

Foreplay: Kissing; mutual stripping; tit sucking, squeezing, and fucking; hair pulling; fellatio; deep-throat; jaw breakers, cunnilingus; finger-fucking; two-finger-fucking; spanking.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: Tits.

Sex rating: 4.80
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 3.70

What I Liked Most:

  • The rough-and-tumble wrestling by the couple on the bed before foreplay is very hot and extremely enjoyable.
  • There is excellent tit worship, including titty fucking and nipple biting by Nick (see screen captures here--look at her lust-filled eyes and superb deep-throat talent!).
  • Victoria fervently worships Nick's cock during fellatio. Be sure to check out the screen captures here.
  • Victoria has a very nice, curvy, and buxom body. She looks especially fine bouncing up and down on Nick's dick in reverse cowgirl.
  • Victoria cums at least three time--twice during foreplay alone!
  • There are excellent close-ups during mish.
  • Like this others in Tits to Die For, this is a beautifully shot scene...nice lighting! The editing, too, is very effective...as are the camera angles and motions. The musical soundtrack, although not as appropriate as those in the previous scenes, is very nice, too.
  • Excellent chemistry between Victoria and Nick...they truly enjoy pleasing each other.
  • Victoria's moves in reverse cowgirl are energetic and HOT! They're even more incredible during cowgirl. She's a fantastic fuck!
  • Nick and Victoria work up full-body sweats as they fuck each other to heaven.
  • Victoria's nicely-enhanced tits dance joyfully in reaction to Nick's thrusts. Speaking of her tits, they look especially fine wrapped around Nick's cock (see the screen captures here).
  • This is a very hot coupling! It makes me proud to be a porn critic!

What Could Have Been Better:

  • There should have more consistent transitioning footage between positions.

Scene 4

Scene Type: Boy/girl.
Performers: Jayden James, Niko.

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Without a doubt, I'd definitely "die for" an opportunity to participate in Scene Four with Jayden James. Jayden, who's one of the hottest girls to grace the blue screen in 2009, gives Niko an absolutely outstanding massage using oil, her hands, and her magnificent tits. While Jayden works the kinks out of Niko's back, and causes his pulse to quicken with lust, our narrator fills us in: "I knew a masseuse once whose tits were so big that they'd drag on my back as she gave me a rubdown. Kind of like this girl. Her nipples got hard as she'd rub me down. And, you could feel them...like fingernails going across my bare skin. I asked her once, 'do you charge extra for taking your shirt off?' She said, 'no,' but that she DID charge extra for keeping it on. Like a lot of women with big tits, she was proud of them. She liked to show them off--liked to flaunt them--and that got her off. You've really gotta love a woman like that!" Amen! Meanwhile, as if on queue, Jayden tugs the strap of her super-tight top off of her shoulder so that her boobs can begin their job of bursting free. Of course, she uses her naked boobs and erect nipples to massage Niko's back. In due course, the siren call of Jayden's breasts is too hard for Niko to resist. So, he earnestly worships them with his hands and mouth. He even fucks them. As foreplay intensifies, Jayden and Niko enjoy deep-throat fellatio, rimming, and extremely effective cunnilingus. Of course, foreplay transitions to sex and the couple enjoys lots of pleasurable in-and-out action in mish, doggie, and standing reverse cowgirl. To finish up this "A-grade" scene, Niko fucks Jayden's fine tits until he blows his load onto them. She then sucks him dry. Meanwhile, our narrator exclaims, "Moments like this are really what make a man's life worth living. And, every man has his moment. Mine is about to come!" Frankly, I wish my moment could be with Jayden.

Foreplay: Oil massage; kissing; body licking; tit sucking, squeezing, and fucking; stripping/mutual stripping; hair pulling; handjob; fellatio; deep-throat; balls-gobbling; cunnilingus; clit-jacking; tongue-fucking; rimming; spanking.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, standing doggie, standing reverse cowgirl.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Yes.
Pop: Tits.

Sex rating: 4.60
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.70

What I Liked Most:

  • The massage footage is absolutely outstanding. Jayden's uses her hands and her tits!. Be sure to check out the screen captures here.
  • Jayden's body is beyond gorgeous! Every inch of her is wet-dream material!
  • Jayden has a pierced clit hood. I fucking adore genitalia jewelry.
  • This is a beautifully shot scene! I particularly like the attention to detail. There are even dozens of burning candles on the set to set the mood of the scene.
  • The musical soundtrack is just about perfect to support the theme and mood of this scene.
  • Every second of foreplay is delicious...from the titty play to the kissing, to the handjob, to the fellatio, to the outstanding cunnilingus. Yum!
  • Jayden fuck's Niko's cock with her tits. I don't know about you, but I'd DIE to have those magnificent mams wrapped around my trembling dick!
  • Speaking of Jayden's breasts, they look damned fine as they bounce and gyrate in doggie.
  • Niko does a superb job eating Jayden's gorgeous cunt.
  • There are great camera angles and close-ups during mish.
  • Jayden's bouncing tits look fine, no matter the position!
  • Jayden shows off her sexy moves in standing doggie. She also climaxes during this position.
  • Niko fucks Jayden's fine tits to make himself cum. He splatters his load all over her bounteous boobs and into her abundant cleavage.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • I would have preferred more consistent transitioning footage between positions.

Scene 5

Scene Type: Boy/girl.
Performers: Rhylee Richards, Scott Styles.

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Our narrator, Scott Styles, gets to share his "Tits to Die For" moment with us in Scene 5, with oh-so-sexy Rhylee Richards. As Scott and Rhylee wrestle playfully on her bed (she's wearing a sexy animal-print outfit) the voiceover explains: "I'm a guy like you. Same dreams...same turn-ons. The only difference between us might be...I turn my dreams into reality." Meanwhile, on-screen, Scott and Rhylee begin foreplay with some titty play, playful spanks, and more good-natured roughhousing. I particularly enjoyed how Rhylee is agreeably aggressive with Scott...getting what she wants from him in a playful win-win way. As foreplay intensifies, Rhylee fucks Scott's cock with her fine boobs (see screen captures here) and gives him a hot deep-throat blowjob while he gropes and caresses her fine curves. In due course they, of course, have loads of fun as they enjoy vaginal sex in three positions (see list below). Rhylee does her share of the fucking, using sexy moves, and, in doing so, works up an all-over sheen of sweat. Rhylee gets to cum in missionary. And, at the end of the scene, Scott fucks and then pops on Rhylee's tits. Then, the nasty bastard licks up some of his own semen and cum-swaps with Rhylee. Wow! Meanwhile, the voiceover explains, "And that's what I live for. It's what MOST men live for...double d, super-sized tits to die for." How true.

Foreplay: Kissing; body licking; caressing/groping; tit sucking, squeezing, and fucking; handjob; fellatio; deep-throat; balls gobbling.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, on-her-side.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Yes.
Pop: Tits; guy licks it up, cum swaps with girl. Nasty!

Sex rating: 4.60
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.00

What I Liked Most:

  • Keeping in the tradition this movie established in Scene one, the video was very nicely shot. There's a somewhat trite rhythmic soundtrack that is not quite as nice as those in previous scenes. but, I still applaud the editor's effort to support the se with music.
  • Rhylee's outfit is hot and sexy. She keeps portions of it on during sex.
  • The good-natured roughhousing by the couple on the bed during foreplay is a definite turn-on.
  • There's excellent titty worship during foreplay.
  • Rhylee is an adorable freckled blond who love to have fun...the sort of girl who makes life worthwhile. And, to make it even better, her body is smoking hot!
  • Rhylee is agreeably aggressive...pinning Scott down to the bed to have her way with him...and feed him her fine breasts.
  • Rhylee erotically fucks Scott's cock with her tits during foreplay. She really knows how to titty fuck!
  • The couple develops excellent chemistry during foreplay and maintains it through the rest of the scene.
  • Rhylee's pussy creams Scott's dick during cowgirl (I wish I could show you a screen capture, but I can't post photos showing insertions).
  • Scott eats and multiple-finger-fucks Rhylee's pussy between cowgirl and mish (superb video). See screen captures here.
  • Scott fucks Rhylee's tits until he cums on her firm and shapely breasts. He licks up some of his semen and cum-swaps with Rhylee!
  • This scene is very fun and the sex is "A grade." It's the kind of sex we ALL want to have.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • This scene is very well done from all aspects. Believe it or not, there's nothing that I can think of that needs improving.

Extras

The DVD-9 disc I reviewed contains a full-motion chapter selector organized by girl, multiple chapters per scene, a four-minute self-running slide show of hard-core and pretty girl photos of the female cast members, website access via [email protected] (DVD-ROM only), previews of six Penthouse movies, and a 17:00 minute bonus scene from Sinful starring Jessica Bangkok and Marco Banderas. Jessica plays a "live" sushi "plate" upon which delectable morsels have been placed for Marco to eat. Pretty hot, huh? The bonus scene even comes with a one-minute self-running slide show of photos related to Jessica and Marco's scene. The selection of extras is slightly below average in today's marketplace. I like the bonus scene, but there really should be a behind-the-scenes featurette in order for the extras to be on par with most adult releases today. Two and one-half stars. 

Final Thoughts

The best things about Tits to Die Forinclude:
  • the obvious attention to detail--from the choice of locations to the editing and musical soundtrack--that makes the movie classy and a cut above the competition. It's something you won't be ashamed to share with your partner.
  • Victoria Valentino, Jayden James, and Rhylee Richards. All three of these women are not only drop-dead gorgeous, but they provide first-class performances, too.
  • the stripper's pole theme of Scene Two. Anybody who's ever been in a "gentleman's club" will wish he was in Tommy Gunn's shoes as he watches Phoenix Marie dance...and then gets his chance to fuck her.
  • Scene Five. Although not the highest-rated scene in the movie (that honor goes to Victoria Valentino and Nick Manning's super-hot coupling in Scene Three), Rhylee Richards and Scott Styles have so much fun together that it's extraordinarily refreshing.
  • the video itself. I even think there might have been multiple cameras used during the taping of a couple of scenes.

Tits to Die For could have been better if:

  • Marco Banderas and Tommy Gunn had taken time to eat their woman's pussy during their scenes. Sex without cunnilingus is like a day without sunshine!
  • fewer oblique camera angles had been used. Although the video and editing are, overall, head-and-shoulder above those in most adult movies, I think that the movie features too many oblique camera angles in some scenes. This trite porn cameraman technique--in which the camera is turned to a slanted angle so that more of the action can fit into the frame--was necessary in the "old days" when the video proportions were 4:3. With today's wide-screen format, such oblique angles simply make the performers look like they're going to slip off the edge of the screen.
  • more consistent transitioning footage had been provided between foreplay and sex and between sexual positions.

Things I didn't like about Tits to Die Forinclude:

  • the deplorable lack of cunnilingus in Scenes One and Two.
Recap
Overall sex rating: 4.21
Overall video rating: 4.90
Overall audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.16

 


Dr. Jay



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