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Soloists, The

Studio: Vouyer Media » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 10/5/09

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

The Soloists

Vouyer Media/Vouyer Raw

Genre: Female Masturbation

Director: Greg Centauro

Cast: Jeniffer, Kimberly, Zafira, Tomina Steel, Kristina, Barbara Voice, Liz Honey, Louise Black, Olivia, Nikki Rider, Vanessa Hill, Lora Black

Length: 119:42 minutes

Date of Production: 2009

Extras: There were three trailers and a photogallery but that was all.

Condoms: None

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Audio/Video Quality: The Soloists was presented in the old fashioned 1.33:1 ratio full frame color as shot by director Greg Centauro for Vouyer Media, employing the MPEG-2 codec with 480i resolution as expected. Greg has generally been a meat puppet in porn for most of his career and this was the first flick I recall being attributed to him in a directorial capacity, the camera generally moving around a lot as the ladies diddled themselves though usually showing decent lighting even if the color saturation and tint were a bit off. The video bitrate was all over the place but appeared to hover around the 4.6 Mbps area when I spot checked it, some issues arising with him cropping off heads or body parts in home movie fashion but probably as good as I would have done myself if horned up and in close proximity to the ladies. The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital but none of the women were talkative enough to label it as "English" and the brief opening music for each solo scene was as generic as could be; sounding exactly like the opening and closing credits for the Digital Playground "Jack's Playground" series. The moans and groans were decent enough otherwise, just not really standing out from the pack in any way either.

Body of Review: Greg Centauro has been a European meat puppet for years now, never standing out from the pack of mopes he associates with but doing an okay job tapping the ladies from what I recall of him so it struck me as surprising that Vouyer Media would hire him to become their next director. The name of the movie is The Soloists and features a dozen lean European gals masturbating by hand for around ten minutes each, leaving the toys behind as they tease their way out of lingerie to caress and penetrate themselves with fingers only in each of the scenes. Rather than provide a generic look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used, the sheer sameness of each encounter was so similar that I figured providing a series of pictures would suffice to demonstrate what they look like, a few of them standing out ever so slightly from the pack in terms of how sexy they appeared but none as good as some of the domestically shot ladies that seemed to have been coached through to offer more exciting performances in other productions. The gals this time were Jeniffer, Kimberly, Zafira, Tomina Steel, Kristina, Barbara Voice, Liz Honey, Louise Black, Olivia, Nikki Rider, Vanessa Hill, and Lora Black.

Okay, I admit that few gals at this writing really trip my trigger in solo work, be it the lack of their need for seed, the manner they work out the genetic juice from a pipe, or just the desire for population pudding so lacking that I was less interested than usual. Truth be told, I truly enjoy watching gals masturbate but these performances were so generic and canned that as physically attractive as they were, I found it difficult to envision them having a lot of replay value, let alone sufficient stroke value to merit a higher rating than a single glorified bout of hand to gland combat.

The series has potential in terms of the manner in which the ladies were all within a distinctive class of porn performer, none of the butt ugly chicks or the extreme queens used in circus act sex outings appeared to be playing here. I just wanted more than mediocrity in terms of camera work and editing, the believability of the ladies such that I rolled my eyes more than a few times when they were getting loud and proud over their allegedly getting off. Granted, I'd have nailed any lady in the movie were I approached in my hotel when staying overseas, but in terms of conveying personal heat or a juicy snatch, the gals did not seem to be out of the ordinary or able to make me think they were getting off so this is one to check out before dropping dough.

For the record, this is what the company website said about the show: "You never know what to expect from acclaimed European director GREG CENTAURO. Visiting the realm of solo girl masturbation after exploring lesbian action in CANNIBALS: WOMEN EATING WOMEN and I KISSED A GIRL AND I LICKED IT, he's ready to turn up the heat once again in THE SOLOISTS, only in a more "intimate" way... This explosive celebration of masturbation ups the erotic ante by featuring no less than twelve of Europe's finest exports, including ZAFIRA, LORA BLACK, NIKKI RYDER, VANESSA HILL, BARBARA VOICE, KIMBERLY, LIZ HONEY, LOUISE BLACK, OLIVIA, KRISTINA, TOMINA STEEL, and beautiful blonde covergirl JENIFFER. Make no mistake about it, Cantauro has rounded up a dirty dozen of Europe's finest - and horniest - ladies, and they prove it in every scene. And Centauro shoots each decadent solo sequence like the pro he is, focusing on the sheer beauty of the ladies while never letting the heat falter in the process. THE SOLOISTS. Just watch how the Dirty Dozen handle themselves."

Summary: The Soloists by director Greg Centauro for Vouyer Media were not a terrible movie but it was on the generic side for a solo chick flick, meriting a rating of Rent It on a slow day for me at best. There did appear to be glimmers of hope at times but the relative lack of extras, the lack of heat, and the generic performances just did not strike me as being anything able to compete with the domestically produced titles in the same genre. In short, The Soloists may well appeal to those of you that want highly polished and practiced performances of ladies doing themselves but you will want to check it out before spending the money, a distinctive departure from most movies released by the company since it was founded several years ago.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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