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Barrack's Big Stimulus Package

Studio: Other » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 10/6/09

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Barrack's Big Stimulus Package

Rezko Films

Genre: Parody

Director: Jeff Coldwater

Cast: Mae Victoria, Guy DiSilva, Austin Taylor, Almond, Tia Gunn, Cortknee, Aryana Starr

Length: 173:14 minutes

Mae Victoria

Date of Production: 4/29/2009 (box cover); 4/14/2009 (credits)

Extras: The only extra was a photogallery.

Condoms: None

Austin Taylor and Guy DiSilva

Audio/Video Quality: Barrack's Big Stimulus Package was presented in an anamorphically enhanced widescreen 1.77:1 ratio offering as shot by director Jeff Coldwater for Rezko Films. Encoded in the MPEG-2 codec for a 480i resolution, the colors of the show were pretty decent but the camera had a habit of bouncing around, unable to hold a static shot for more than a few seconds. This kind of amateurish work amounted to make the movie look like a home movie in that sense, at least the lighting was handled fairly well. The video bitrate hovered around the 4.3 Mbps when I spot checked it but this was never a huge issue as far as I was concerned. The audio was offered up in 2.0 Dolby Digital English using a 48 kHz sampling rate and 192 Kbps audio bitrate, the vocals never captured evenly from what I could tell (the ladies were always a lot louder than Guy who was always whispering as though afraid of what he was doing). There was also some weird background noises regarding ambient noises like birds chirping at times when the entire thing was shot inside a home setting made to look like an office.

Almond and Guy

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Body of Review: Porn parodies and "sitcums" have been the latest craze for porn production companies to offer, most of the larger companies at least paying lip service to sets, dialogue, and other aspects to make passable versions of other shows or political figures. One of the big winners last year was Lisa Ann portraying Sarah Palin though, mimicking her mannerisms and a few catch phrases that caught on like wildfire to elevate the status of the sexy babe considerably higher than it had been for years in porn, her movie Who's Nailin' Paylin? in Blu-ray adding in a scene of her doing a very presidential looking Guy DiSilva as our latest commander in chief. Lisa is still milking the role for all it's worth but Guy had been conspicuously quiet until Jeff Coldwater and Rezko Films came up with Barrack's Big Stimulus Package earlier this year. Designed to cash in on Guy's passing similarity in looks to the president, this was an example of how to make a parody all wrong, with little really going on in the unrelated vignettes or sexually for that matter. Yeah, a few of the ladies tossed in veiled references to some political issues at hand but frankly, Guy seemed to be half stoned throughout the show, mumbling his dialogue and coming across as feeling really uncomfortable in his portrayal of the president. Whatever the reason, I figured the sex might be the savior of this one and I was wrong because it struck me that none of the performers had any chemistry at all and the ladies were all third to fourth tier performers that must have lowered their rates enough to allow this one to slip under the five figure production costs most movies budget these days. Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Cortknee and Tia Gunn

Scene One: Mae Victoria, the chunky redhead featured on the lower right side of the front cover, was up first as the secretary of fellatio, sitting on a couch with presidential-looking Guy DiSilva. He acted clueless as she came on to him, the gal rubbing his crotch as she explained how this was just therapy to relieve some of his stress, the camera unable to maintain a static shot. She did most of the talking while birds chirped in the background, how mouth thankfully filled by his pecker as she knelt over his lap to give him a blowjob. She stripped down to give him better access and he gave her some head too, Mae granting him the lion share of oral before she passively rode his cock vaginally. The stream of nonsensical dirty talk aside, she kept looking at the camera as though acknowledging this was a performance, the anal soon following as she remained passive. The scene finished up with his modest nut of genetic juice landing on her face while she spit it out and acted like it was toxic waste.

Aryana Starr and Guy

Scene Two: Austin Taylor, the thick blond gal situated on the lower left hand corner of the front cover, was up next on another couch, the gal playing a Swedish chick in need of presidential seed from Guy DiSilva. Guy again offered the married man excuse for not taking her up on her offer at first but soon gave in to play with her large titties, this time him giving her more head than the other way around. She was also a passive vaginal rider until she was on top of him, acting loudly otherwise but not standing out from a pack of Craigslist escorts in terms of her abilities (acting or sexual). She took a wad of population pudding to close things out but her terrible accent and the weak sex made this a sucky scene.

Scene Three: Almond, a light skinned black gal with a white mesh top and short skirt, was up next on a couch as she introduced her extremely hairy bush. The silly verbal banter aside, Guy DiSilva again played out his character weakly and gave her some head with her reciprocating, neither showing a lot of love for doing so until the vaginal plowing that took place. Almond was passive until she was on top bouncing away happily, the thick gal leaving on her stockings and skirt throughout the scene but not acting as though they had any chemistry even before the ending facial of spew graced her face.

Scene Four: Tia Gunn and Cortknee, a couple of thick hillbilly MILFs (technically, "I" wouldn't want to fuck them but someone out there might on a slow month) with bleach blond hair, were up next in search of health care benefits, were up next on a couch (imagine that!) with Guy DiSilva. They took off their tops and helped remove his clothing, soon teaming up to slob his knob for a protein shake. They blew him and alternated between sitting on his face or sitting on his cock, this latest scene as un-inspirational as the others, ending with a facial that was cumswapped.

Scene Five: Aryana Starr, a darker skinned black gal reminding me of Jada Fire, was up last, joining Guy DiSilva on the couch as his first lady. I had no idea of how large she was until she sat next to him, her oral on the guy a bit mechanical but at least in the ballpark of what was expected. He ate her out and then they took to vaginally boning, her mostly passive ride boring the piss out of me even with some taste testing throughout the scene. This time, the scene ended in a believable vaginal creampie.

Summary: Barrack's Big Stimulus Package by director Jeff Coldwater for Rezko Films had a lot of untapped potential but it went to waste for the most part, Guy DiSilva looking the part but never climbing on the bandwagon to make this one a success so I rated it as a Skip It. In short, Barrack's Big Stimulus Package made Who's Nailin' Paylin? look like a Shakespearean play by comparison, not even falling into the category of "so bad it's good" as some parodies seem to shoot for these days. I hate to be a drag but this one reeked in such a bad way that the lack of redeeming qualities made this one a title to avoid at all costs.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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