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Internet Allstars

Studio: Vouyer Media » Review by Wind Tunnel » Review Date: 10/13/09

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Internet All-Stars
A Vouyer Media Release
Starring:  Asa Akira, Bridgette B., Jayden James, Shy Love & Zenia Heart.
Runtime:  2hr 56min
Condoms?:  None.

Brief Synopsis:  Billed as a showcase for those familiar-to-some names above, I should admit that only one sounds at all familiar to this reviewer (Shy Love), be it internet or otherwise.  Otherwise, young Zenia makes her direct-to-disc debut here, even though the nearly the whole disc may seem like an introduction overall.  Let's go...to the internet?  Okay!

[Scene One]  Asa Akira

In a woodland spot, Asa and her partner fiddle around for a bit, spreading her legs apart for a fair amount of tonguing as he feeds her his now-wet fingers, parting her g-string and lifting up her small scrap of a dress.  She bends down and snuggles his sausage out of his pants, bobbing as she eyes the camera floating above them both.  Clasped between a few branches, she bends over as our dude thrusts doggy-style, cranking her leg up as they straddle together, face-to-face.  A quick prick lick later, they're back into doggy, with Asa's reactions a tad exaggerated.  Moving indoors, and with more cunted kisses to follow, the pair continue their doggy foray, pumping into Asa in a heady pile while as her heels stay on.  Cowgirl keeps her closer in tune with her partner, leading to a missionary-style coax that gains her a gush of seed spread across her lips, smeared and downed.  Closing in, the cameraman (Vince Vouyer himself?) hints "I've got a surprise for you", upon which another naked stud pops up and enters Asa as she's still reeling: "holy shit!" she cries.  Her giddyness continues as she and her new pal go doggy and into reverse cowgirl, sweating and spooning and pausing for a mid-fuck suck, going again into that familiar ass-wielding doggy.  It lands Asa another blast of hot white grease, this time aimed carefully at her bootyhole, dripped and strewn across her ass in a shiny gleam.  Number two dude does a steady, post-insert (there can only be one), after which Asa pans herself around and says goodbye.  Beginning with a less-than-savory/cheesed-out serious sex-face, Asa breaks free of that baggage once she makes way into the house, especially visible once that second, out-of-nowhere guy arrives and keeps her cumming onward.  The camera-work was a tad distracting, however, sometimes dizzy and unstable.  However, Asa more than makes up for this, load after load.

[Scene Two]  Bridgette B.

Barcelona-bred Bridgette, heavily tanned and brightly blonde, fools around with a soccer ball before her partner shows up, lifting her shirt up and sucking on her supple nipples while fingering her snatch.  Bridgette uses both hands to grip and lead his cock into her mouth, nuzzling the head and letting him fuck her, hands holding her hair.  She keeps her oral skills varied, rewarding her with her own licking between her legs via her partner.  Close missionary soon shifts to piledriver mode, the camera cutting in deep as our dude lays pipe from above.  Those gorgeous titties of Bridgette's bounce around in cowgirl, keeping her partner at bay with a medium pump rate, classic doggy leaning into a tightened-leg variation (goosing all that shimmering, browned skin), causing a climactic unload onto her chest, with a post-suck to follow.  While she's visibly groovy enough with her teammate here, Bridgette isn't too wild in the vocal department, though she keeps her attentions toward her partner as she keeps it all moving.  It's a nice view while it lasts, but it leaves you a bit starved afterward, sadly.

-- sponsored by --

[Scene Three]  Jayden James

In a pre-interview, Jayden admits that despite her current scene count to date (150!), her rear has been kept secure, a "virgin asshole".  With a vibrator she works herself over while still in mid-interview mode, clacking her hood piercing with a loud rattle as her partner arrives and lets his hands wander about her fleshiest parts.  He feeds his now-coated fingers to Jayden, taking over vibe duties while sucking on her clit, lending him a blow job in return.  Jayden offers her ample bosoms for a titty fuck, her dude eating her from behind right before he slides into doggy-style.  Grinding together, Jayden spouts "you really stretched that pussy out!", gobbling down his spear before being deep-dicked yet again, ass pointed upward.  In cowgirl, young stud winds that vibrator around Jayden's brown hole, teasing her as she shuttles up and down, going face to face on the couch in missionary for the final bout.  Sprouting to his feet, our guy spools out his spuzz into her mouth, swilling and frothing it around before spitting it all over her tits, with a few post-scene words bandied about for good measure.  Jayden's sparring is worthwhile overall, though not as tingling as her introductory teasing would prove.  Though her assets are ample and she's more than willing, perhaps it's all that unfulfilled ass chat that left and underwhelming aire afterward.  Either way, it feels a bit mid-level overall.

[Scene Four]  Shy Love

Pulling her thin undies down, round ass out, Shy introduces herself with a few words about her mainline careering (feature dancing & managing a cadre of performers), showing off her super-lean body as her shirtless partner arrives, diving in.  Nibbling away down to her pussy, he keeps Shy cheery, pulling her legs together, up and around, licking away at her little brown hole.  She chokes down all she can of his knob, keeping the trim sloppy, eventually coating the camera with globs and streams of the goodness.  Doggy begins the plucky fucking, onto spooning, with plenty of tasting in between.  The anal party begins in reverse cowgirl, emitting a kind of fury out of Shy's throat that continues in missionary (and piledriving) ass slalom, those legs of hers clasped together as our fella holds her weathered heels while he thumps away.  The deep dicking soldiers on via spooning again, the two cooling off with a slow storm of a blow job taste afteward, pussy-bound doggy the catch to follow.  He switches to Shy's ass again, lightly spanking her rump in the plugging, spreading her out for a final classical missionary spurt that leads to a pop into her mouth.  Shy carries what isn't flicked away mid-jerk and lets the load loose onto her kitty: "it's my new move", you guys.  Quite the fighter, Shy leaves her partner in a steaming heap afterward with all the capable moves of a true pro.  Some may find her enhancements less inviting, though it's her determined effort that shines through: she's never wobbly, and often goes harder than most, and voraciously so.  In between all the hole switching, sopping, and sweeping, it's quite the view.

[Scene Five]  Zenia Heart

From across the bedroom Zenia crawls across a carpeted set of stairs wielding a white bullet vibrator, doing away with her undies while answering a few of the cameraman's queries.  The toy's buzz cuts into the conversation, yet still loud enough to call in her male lead, upon which she doles out an oral inspection.  The blow job turns into 69, both of them bare-assed, and the two take turns anchoring the fun along in cowgirl, humping and jutting in turns.  She tastes the culmination of co-cream before switching to reverse cowgirl, a perfect opportunity to see Zenia's beautiful legs balance in the air, her feet floating as her boy carries her down onto his wiggler.  Doggy moves along faster, with Zenia's partner smacking himself in the face with one of her feet (priceless!), piledriving and shifting to spoon (vibrator broken out again).  Once his popped seed hits her mouth, Zenia drops it out casually over her chin, casting the end of her debut (on disc) scene.  Cool as she is to catch in action, Zenia's work here tends to feel lackadaisical in fits and starts, despite her partner's efforts to convince us otherwise.   She's bright and shiny enough alright, though her overall onscreen game tends to wander away from the action at hand, tending to slip into those camera-focused eyes (apart from the main event).


Bonus Features

A Bonus Core (9min) segment features  Jaeylnn Fox (above), picked up by Vince (holding the camera), lazily pattering around why she needs a ride.  Raising her tiny black dress, Jaeylnn masturbates while Vince drives, throwing questions around while she figures out ways to pose around while she keeps fiddling.  The SUV finally stops at the eight minute mark, Jaeyln unzipping Vince and stroking his stem with one hand, causing him to wean out a load over her tightened thumb; she licks a speck off and thanks him, kindly.  Quick and easy at it is, the scene is a little underwhelming, what with Jaeyln being slightly bored the whole way through her brief ride.  Better gleanings can be found on the Cut Footage (29min) slice, with each girl being interviewed pre-scene at length.  Jayden seems to be the most forthcoming of the lot (talking about her allergies), as well as Shy Love forecasting her day-to-day schedule (exhausting and awe-inspiring, actually).  A three-minute Hardcore Pics spins along too, with a few Trailers and Web/Company Info to finish off the section.

Audio/Visual Quality
The video was presented in 1.85:1, enhanced for 16x9 set-ups.  Overall the visual scheme tilts toward the lighter end of the spectrum, sometimes bleached-out (Asa's outdoor work) into a yellowish tinge, thin and reed-like.  The camerawork can be distracting at times (varies from scene to scene, though, again, Asa's is a familiar culprit), with various amounts of tilting and quick shifting that may cause dizziness to less constitutionally stable individuals.  Audio-wise, the stereo track is capable enough, carried through the picture in tandem with the shifting/floating, subject to the camera's eye-span/relative position to what is being shot.  The introductory and menu-based music thankfully does not carry through the scenes, which limit their intake to only the performer's goings-on.  A watermark fades in and out of the lower right-hand corner of the frame during the whole feature, small enough to miss but still a little distracting.

Overall Effects
With a feeling of middling consequence, Rent It seems like the most palpable option, being that the most dynamic work herein is Asa's scene (and even that has a few bumps along the way) and Shy Love (being the professional hand she always is).  As Bridgette and Zenia both share a fortune of good looks and come-hither tropes that may make you fall to your knees, their performances lack the oomph that someone like Jayden could provide (but oddly enough, doesn't fare well enough here) in theory.  On-screen it hangs close to middling-level fare on the whole, and unless you're hooked on any one girl, you may find yourself underwhelmed enough to run to bonus section (containing a true letdown, Jaeyln's handie that is closer to sleep-inducing than it is exciting).  It's all entertaining and shiny and neatly presented, but Internet All-Stars truly lacks the kind of passion that pulls off what could have been truly watchable sexcapades.  Maybe next time?

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