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Barely Legal Brand Spankin' New


Studio: Hustler Video » Review by Jonathan M » Review Date: 1/31/10



XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

Genre: young, gonzo


Director: Alex De Large


Cast: Ally Ann, Jessica Right, Isis Taylor, Lana Violet, Cameron Love, Jay Lassiter, Kris Slater, John Espizedo, Cheyne Collins


Length: 105 mins.


Date of Production:  ?


Extras: There's a very interesting five-minute featurette on longtime Barely Legal director, the late Clive McLean, perhaps to celebrate the upcoming centennial anniversary of the long-running Barely Legal title.  It is a very brief exploration of his filmmaking techniques, history and his interactions with his actors.  How does one direct a beautiful young girl to extract cum all over her face from a used condom?  With great seriousness, that's how.  Also included is an extensive photo gallery and the usual promotional ads for Hustler Hollywood (that's the retail location), hustler.com and the requisite Hustler Honey phone line.  There are also trailers for Barely Legal 96, Daddy Please Stop Fucking My Sorority Sisters (love that title), Lez Be Best Fucking Friends, Real College Girls Lesbian Stories 3, The Whores Have Eyes (mutant radioactive hookers in New Mexico!?!), and Your Ass Is Mine.  In addition to the chapter select, there is the always useful Select a Star feature with position menu.  Very nice.


Condoms: none


Audio/Video Quality: This film is presented in 16:9 aspect ratio.  The audio is crisp with little distortion.  Those genital mashing squelches can be heard quite nicely.  However, the video gets at least a point off, if only for those garish fluorescent furniture accents.  Ninety minutes of watching those would make anybody want to scratch their own eyes out.


Overview: The Barely Legal series has got to be the longest-running adult film series going today.  It has become a staple of the industry where a lot of young stars get an early experience, if not their first taste, of the business.  Apart from the numbered volumes, it has spawned a great deal of "one-shots" or rather, single films that are part of the franchise, just not preceded or continued with further volumes of a series.  Largely, my experience with Barely Legal has been minimal.  Admittedly with a few exceptions, their stuff has always seemed pretty vanilla to me.  Barely Legal specializes in hot, young, natural girls having old-fashioned vag sex.  Period.  If you're looking for more fun stuff (i.e. hardcore anal, creampie, DP, gangbang, etcetera), generally you look elsewhere.  However, Ally Ann on that cover looks exceptionally hot.  So here we go.  


 

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Scene 1: Ally Ann & Jay Lassiter - Cover girl Ally Ann seems like a great reason to see this film.  With that alabaster skin, cute breasts, silver eyes, and some really nice DSL (that's "Dick Sucking Lips"), she looks like a very young Jeri Ryan - the kind of girl you obsessed about in high school.  In the interview session, she claims this is her first scene.  Well, she seems to work the camera just a bit too well for that to be true.  Nevertheless, Collins has her strip her stuff off slowly, demonstrate a very alluring doggie position, and then has her crawl to the waiting cock of Jay Lassiter.  Some brief cock-sucking, pussy-licking and Lassiter seems impatient to plant himself in this beautiful young lady.  Spread-eagle missionary.  Some shots from the "behind the nutsack" angle where you can see her pussy has really gotten loose and wet from the short five-minute thrusting session.  Definitely Ann's best feature is her lips and she knows it.  She keeps her mouth wide open and moaning for most of the scene.  Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggie, then in-the-mouth facial.  Ann is a gorgeous lay, but gets minus points for being a spitter.


 

Scene 2: Jessica Right & Kris Slater - Jessica Right is a young, leggy brunette (in knee-high socks!) with some natural, tiny breasts that hang very separately from each other, so much so that "you'd have to fit two cocks between them."  She also claims this to be her first scene and has the audacity to not wear panties to the interview session!  It's okay.  We don't mind too much.  She starts by slurping Kris Slater's inappropriately soft member nice and loudly with spit trails and all.  She tries with all her might (and her long tongue, I might add) to maintain Slater's erection.  It does take a few minutes.  Although she receives no oral pleasure herself, he enters her cowgirl with no problem.  Together they manage to hold her ass cheeks open so that we can see her lovely, tight flower.  Reverse cowgirl.  Right hisses, thrashes, moans and smiles all through this session.  Next some nice thrusting doggie, inducing whimpers (the best kind of doggie, if you ask me), concluded by a splattering facial.  Altogether, there was a definite disconnect between actress and actor in this scene, most likely from the unfortunate wood problems.  However, it seems Ms. Right is so fine that she'll certainly have more opportunities to get fucked in the future by more serious woodsmen.  


 

Scene 3: Isis Taylor & John Espizedo

Isis Taylor was raised in Porn Valley and this is her fourth scene in the biz.  She is a beautiful brown-skinned girl with shining brown eyes, jiggly bubblicious ass cheeks, and some sweet round knockers.  She's got a very well-proportioned body... long legs, round hips, and she claims that 40% of her graduating class is now in porn.  Man, oh, man.  To have been in that graduating class.  She looks with great interest at Espizedo's cock.  Some impressive deep slurping and sucking (inverted cheeks and everything).  Missionary.  Taylor seems to be really into the fucking.  Or perhaps she's simply taken a few Vocal Performance courses in the School of Sasha Grey.  Reverse cowgirl.  Spoon.  Certainly of all the couples so far, Taylor seems to have the most interaction and/or chemistry with her co-star.  Between the spooning and the cowgirl, we seem to have some wood issues where Taylor looks off-screen, perhaps for some direction.  On the upside, Taylor has the ass jiggle down to a very pleasurable science.  At the end, he strokes some icing onto her bosoms and she looks at his cock and the cum spewing forth as if it were a crate of asbestos.  Nice performance but what do you have to do to get your cum swallowed in this flick?  Or even just a decent facial?  Forget the courtesy post-pop oral clean-up.  Geez man!


 

Scene 4: Lana Violet & Jay Lassiter

Lana Violet isn't "brand spankin' new", "brand new" or even "new" in any sense of the word.  However, she certainly is "spankin" or rather spank-worthy.  She's a tiny Asian girly girl whose pink panties read "Initiate Me".  She too knows how to work the camera, especially when she pulls her camel toe up to reveal an already moist pussy.  She even makes her pussy fart seem cute.  She quickly buries her lips into Lassiter's nutsack, engulfing his soft member.  He's a very lucky guy.  As he firms up, she realizes she can't quite deep throat him, not that that stops her from trying.  Especially impressive was the Lassiter Ass-Cam, where we have a bird's eye view of a wide-eyed Violet trying to consume his cock like lunch and not suffocate with his balls up her nose.  In a scissors missionary, Violet thrashes like a wild-woman and Lassiter pounds into that squelching orifice.  Cowgirl.  Violet gets so excited at one point her eyes roll back into her skull and we envision whiplash in her near future.  Several times Violet commands her co-star to "put it back in", which he gladly obliges her.   A lovingly slow P2M.  Some intense doggie next, and then some real piston-action cowgirl then reverse cowgirl.  Lassiter sounds like he's having trouble containing his orgasm and he slows down the action attempting to digitally induce a rug burn onto her clitoris.  A nice and juicy manual squirt next, right out of the Axel Braun textbook.  Facial next onto a genuinely happy-looking, satisfied girl.  Finally a bit of cum-swallowing and customary clean-up.  A definite thumbs up for, probably the only girl on this disc, born in the eighties.


 

Scene 5: Cameron Love & Cheyne Collins

Cameron Love is a willowy San Franciscan and she certainly has the complexion for it.  This is her third scene and she's wearing matching tank and panties.  She literally has got the smallest tits I have ever seen for an adult film star.  Not that I'm complaining or anything.  Porno welcomes tits of all sizes.  She slowly sucks Collins's cock and we can hear all the associated gurgles.  Collins lets the director take the camera and she continues on his growing cock, until its clear she can only get half of it in.  Cowgirl.  She squeals excitedly as she jumps up and down on his cock.  Missionary.   She coos and begs him not to stop.  Love is a tiny girl and its clear she's enjoying the sheer size of Collins's dick.  Spooning.  Love certainly has the right energy for this sort of employment.  With this scene she proves she can fuck with the big boys.  She asks politely for some P2M and rubs her pussy in front of the camera.  Doggie.  Collins plows her loosey goosey pussy and she begs for more.  Unlike all the other scenes, without the use of an edit, these actors go from fucking to facial without skipping a beat.  As well, unlike most of the other girls on this disc, Love takes this one on the chin with pleasure, as opposed to revulsion.  She's all smiles as Collins compliments her.


Barely Legal: Brand Spankin' New

Final Thoughts: RENT IT

As expected, vanilla sex with hot, young girls.  As with all BL titles, it's great to see such young beauties get their brains fucked out early in their careers... and that's all there is to it.  This movie is recommended really only if you are specifically a fan of extreme hottie Ally Ann, the firecracker Lana Violet or are into the gothy, pale chicks like Cameron Love.  Truly there is no other reason to see this film, unless you love seeing De Large's obnoxious fluorescent couch accents over and over and over again.  After the first three scenes, I was silently begging the director to change locations.  At least start these girls outside, in the bathroom, whatever... any different setting would've been welcome.  Alas no.  All we get is a sub-par Bang Bros. style interview, the same horrid loveseat, and cute,  young girls having sex wearing dirty Keds.  Spectacular.  Thumbs up for Ms. Ann's beautiful features, Ms. Violet's uninhibited enthusiasm and the pervasive knee-high socks.  Thumbs down for facial avoidance, lack of actor chemistry and mediocre aesthetics, emphasizing the importance of set design.  


As first-timer gonzo flicks go, I've always much preferred Anabolic's long-running Initiations series.  The girls are generally not as seemingly flawless as BL's, but it is definitely a more hardcore series.




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