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Jersey Shore XXX


Studio: Adam & Eve » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 3/18/10



XCritic's Advice: Skip It


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Jersey Shore XXX A Porn Parody

Adam & Eve/Taryn It Up Entertainment

Genre: Sitcum porn parody


Director: Jim Enright

Cast: Dylan Ryder, Memphis Blake, Taryn Thomas, Johnny Espizedo, Veronica Rayne, Johnny Castle, Angela Aspen, TJ Cummings

Length: 88:13 minutes

Dylan Ryder

Date of Production: 1/15/2010

Extras: The only extra was a photogallery.

Condoms: None

Taryn Thomas

Audio/Video Quality: Jersey Shore XXX A Porn Parody was presented in a 1.78:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen offering as shot by director Jim Enright for Adam & Eve in the MPEG-2 codec. The video bitrate was on the low side at times, occasionally dropping down to 2.1 Mbps when I spot checked it, the resolution looking lower than the 480 the production sported likely due to the low quality of lighting in most scenes. There were numerous visual defects here, the movie looking almost as if it were shot quickly on a lark with a minimal timetable to be released soon after a bigger budget parody for the same show. Seriously though, Jim has shot a lot better looking smut in his time for other companies but this one had a lot of issues with it, the editing quirky and the shaky camera at least mimicking some of the original show's lamer aspects. In terms of the audio side of things, it was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital English with a 48 kHz sampling rate and 192 Kbps bitrate, the music and background noise hampering what were already short scenes. The MTV style of production employed on the original was not closely mirrored aurally or visually but this was a low budget porno so what would you expect?

Veronica Rayne with Johnny Castle

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Body of Review: Jim Enright has directed porn for years longer than most, his current efforts distributed by Adam & Eve on behalf of Taryn It Up Entertainment. His latest release is called Jersey Shore XXX A Porn Parody, parodying the MTV reality show about losers in New Jersey hooking up with other losers as their only outlet in life. If you've ever seen an episode of MTV's "The Real World" where the players spend a lot of time whining to the camera about how poorly they are treated. Having seen part of the original show a few times, the entire concept of making a parody struck me as weird, the show itself pretty much a parody of the entire reality television genre. Essentially, a group of 20-something people live together with a film crew, talking to the camera as if it were the audience along the way of dealing with life "their way". The boxcover described the show like this: "8 hot porn stars. One summer. Lots of uncensored sex. Life doesn't get much better when you're young, beautiful, horny & tan! The real Dirty Jersey is right f'n here, and it's captured in all of its uncensored glory! These Italian Princesses put out, and the only thing that rivals the height of their poofs are their sexual appetites. You can't blame these Guidos for creeping on these Guidettes as reality TV never looked so good. Get ready to pump those fists as America's top guilty pleasure just got hotter!" Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Taryn Thomas with Angela Aspen

Scene One: Dylan "Sammi" Ryder, wearing a purple top and blue jeans, was up first snuggled on an easy chair with Memphis "Ronnie" Blake, their dialogue as grating as the manner in which it was performed. They made out and their clothing just disappeared, the gal on her knees blowing him before he skips her turn to just vaginally bang her in a couple of positions. It was mechanical sex without chemistry, setting the stage for the later trysts, the guy unable to remain hard when she went back to slobbing his knob, the guy beating off until he launched his load of genetic juice on her chest.

Angela Aspen with TJ Cummings

Scene Two: Taryn "Snooki" Thomas, looking quite chubby and sporting a hairdo like Morticia Addams, was then up as she skipped most dialogue to blow Johnny "Mike" Espizedo on the bed. Her hummer was majorly hand-assisted and lengthy, the guy again skipping his turn in order to go right to the limited vaginal pounding. She blew him once more and he jerked off to her face in a scene about as strokable as watching grass grow.

Veronica Rayne and Taryn Thomas

Scene Three: Veronica "Wow J" Rayne, a curvy brunette in a small black dress, was up next in the bedroom with Johnny "Pauly" Castle after a lame dance club scene. They kissed and pawed each other, her fleshy ass and big tits appealing to my sense of proportions even before he bent her over to go down on her. She reciprocated and he gave her some more, the couple then vaginally boning on the bed. It was an active tryst and she seemed into it a little, Johnny giving her more head before she did likewise and they ended with a small wad of population pudding jerked off to her crotch.

Scene Four: Taryn Thomas and Angela "Angelina" Aspen then displayed the benefits of lesbian love, getting each other off in bed with a small wand device. Yeah, they licked and fingered one another but their incessant blathering in semi-mumbled dialogue greatly weakened it despite Taryn looking like she was on the clock. Without a definitive conclusion, the scene was indicative of the problems with the rest of the flick in terms of how wasted the opportunity was.

Scene Five: Angela Aspen, next up in an unflattering metallic bikini, was up next outside on a like blue couch with muscular TJ "Vinny" Cummings. Their discussion was as painful as the rest of the show and his fingers were soon jammed up her snatch, the gal reciprocating orally on his rod to thankfully shut up. It was a messy hummer leading up to an active vaginal ride, complete with taste testing, her need for seed among the best in the show by reasonable standards. Sadly, his muscles seem to have come at a cost as the velocity of his ejaculation was so weak he barely came at all.

Scene Six: Veronica Rayne, Taryn Thomas, and Johnny Espizedo were up next after another sad club scene destroyed what was left of the non-sex part of the movie. The ladies showed interest in each other at the club, moving to the home setting (where it was shown to be a set) where they played together on the white couch. He walked in on them and showed some interest, their diddling and titty play meaningless without a cock. The next thing you know, he is surrounded by them with the gals taking turns on his pecker, Veronica taking the initiative to ride his dick first while Taryn watched and masturbated. He then took Taryn while Veronica sat on her face, her last ride eliciting his minimal facial both ladies shared orally as the vocals took backseat to the generic music.

Summary: Jersey Shore XXX A Porn Parody by director Jim Enright for Adam & Eve did not remind me of any of his past works in the slightest, my previous status as a fan left unaffected because I just did not see any of his usual touches on display. The parody portions of the movie were so slight that they did little to connect with the original and the sex seemed more often forced & mechanical than anything else so I rated this as a Skip It. In terms of the cast, most of the men were mopes, at least in a straight movie, with Castle the sole exception, the ladies almost all looking much thicker than I am used to seeing them (I like thick chicks but the cameras continued to show their rolls of fat in unflattering manners) so unless you're a fan, there really wasn't any specific reason to enjoy the movie given the lack of strokable sex in most cases and the laughable replay value. In short, Jersey Shore XXX A Porn Parody was by far of the weakest of the two attempts to parody the already terrible television show, the creative process truncated so much here that it lacked on all levels.


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You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon



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