Directed by the mysterious Charleton Roberts in 1976 for the ubiquitous Videoblue Productions, Afternoon Tease isn't exactly the epitome of a star studded seventies porno movie extravaganza. In fact, it's not very good at all, and it just barely qualifies are pornography. That said, if you're into the camp value that the adult films of the era can often provide, you might find enough to enjoy about this oddball film to make it worth checking out. But yeah, if you're after it for its erotic content and are hoping for wall to wall close up balling shots, keep on walking, you won't find that here.
The film is set inside a fancy manor house owned by a rich bitch named Mrs. Van Updyke, (Casey Lorrain) who seems to get off on talking down to her butler, Jeeves, (Pete Dawson). The rest of her employees, or at least a handyman type named, get this, Peter Parker (Ron Darby), don't fare so well either. She's not really all that popular with her employees at all when you think about it. Things get marginally more interesting when Mrs. Van Updyke has a guest arrive in the form of a gentleman named Lord Farthingay (Ken Wade), at which point the hired help decides to hire some help of their own and find the right sort of entertainment for a man of Farthingay's status - hookers. Jeeves cruises his way through the Yellow Pages and before you know it, a trio of buxom beauties has arrived on the scene, one of whom is named Gertie (played by pretty, young Sandy Dempsey).
Jeeves lets the ladies in and they make themselves at home by pulling out a portable record player, spinning some tunes, and getting naked. From there, they sort of gyrate around the camera which shoots them at odd angles and seems more interested in their stomachs than anything else. Farthingay watches, makes some cheeky remarks, and the girls just keep on going, dancing circles around a garden table and snapping their fingers to the beat. Then they dance around the pool, more or less doing the same thing and eventually encroaching on Farthingay. They try to get it on with him but he's having none of that, so instead they turn their affections towards Peter, who boffs one of the girls on a folding poolside lounge chair. Jeeves is up next and he gets a roll in the hay with a brunette who takes his pants down and molests him on a picnic blanket. All of the sex is simulated, or so it would appear, and there aren't really any hardcore insertion shots here to get you all hot and bothered.
Once those two couples are done getting down, Jeeves decides to give it to Mrs. Van Updyke by roughing her up and taking her from behind on the grass. She protests and he trash talks her and it's a very odd, out of place, and surprisingly rough scene that contrasts in a really unexpected manner with the cartoon style sound effects used on the soundtrack. After a bit of that, however, she starts to get into it so ol' Jeeves doesn't have to feel like such a rapist after all. From there, Jeeves gets Sandy at the poolside, slipping it to her for a few minutes and then letting her ride him. She bounces up and down nicely, smiling in the sun and looking quite fetching. Meanwhile, one of the other girls tries, rather unsuccessfully, to give Farthingay head. From there, Parker gives Mrs. Van Updyke a ride, boffing her on the grass, while the other three girls get into a lesbian orgy. Once that's over with, Jeeves and Parker each fuck a hooker one more time before Jeeves runs naked near the pool and the girls splash water at his naked cock. And then it's all hand on deck for a big bump and grind orgy with all the characters more or less rubbing up against one another for a few minutes.
There's a weird video generated credit that appears on screen when the movie ends that reads 'Copyright 1982 VC III Cablevision' that may indicate this was a cut, cable TV version of the film, but it's hard to say. There's not a whole lot of information out there about this movie so whether or not it was shot hardcore and trimmed for this release or always intended as a softcore bump and grinder is really anyone's guess. What's not really debatable, however, is how bad this movie is. Mrs. Van Updyke speaks with the most obnoxious faux-British accent you've ever hard while Farthingay is a horribly dated and unfunny gay stereotype who doesn't really add anything to the film outside of one cheap laugh. There's no plot to speak of whatsoever, the sex isn't just simulated but it's simulated poorly, and about a quarter of the film is taken up by the hookers' unerotic and unappealing intro dance.
There's some unintentional comedic value to be found here, simply because the movie is just that awful, but it's not a film you're likely to need to see once, if at all, unless you've got a bug up your ass that requires you to see every XXX oddity ever made - in which case, jump right in, just know ahead of time that Afternoon Tease offers very little of anything remotely interesting outside of Sandy Dempsey's presence.
Afternoon Tease is presented in a fullframe transfer, which appears to present the film in its original aspect ratio. It looks a bit washed out but is otherwise not bad, though some of the darker scenes and night time scenes get muddy. The picture, like all of VCX's transfers, is interlaced but print damage, dirt and debris are never overly problematic despite some instances of heavy grain. This looks like it was shot sometime in the mid-seventies, this isn't a bad presentation at all. There are some really minor instances of macroblocking if you put this under a microscope and look for defects but if you're not watching for such digital anomalies, you probably won't even notice them - just expect some softness here, which looks to be inherent in the original photography rather than transfer based.
The Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound soundtrack is a little muffled and not of the best quality, but again, it's taken from an older source so the limitations of the era's technology are going to be there when that's the case. Dialogue is pretty easy to understand, however, and the background music comes through reasonably clear. There aren't a lot of sound effects used in the film, mostly just some random moaning and groaning during the action scenes and these are handled just fine, as are the talkier bits of the movie. There's very little surround activity here, it's a front heavy mix that doesn't sound too far off from an old Mono track, but 5.1 is what it says on the packaging, on the receiver, and on PowerDVD so 5.1 it is. The most irritating part of the presentation, however, is that much of the audio sounds compressed and tinny, which makes some bad performers even harder to listen to.
Aside from some tacky animated menus, VCX has included four bonus scenes - a clip from Eruption, a clip from Personal Services, a clip from Bad Girls II and finally a clip from Suzie Superstar. Rounding out the extras are trailers for Shared With Strangers, Vista Valley PTA, Visions Of Clair, and Swedish Sorority Girls , and the Legendary Tribute montage of vintage adult movie clips as well as some animated menus.
To be frank, Afternoon Tease stinks. It's not well made, it's barely funny and rarely for the right reasons, and as far as porno movies go, it's about as erotic as a slug. VCX's DVD looks okay even if it sounds pretty tinny and compressed, but it offers only extras that fans of their line have seen time and time again. Completists will want to rent it, everyone else can safely skip this one.