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Golden Girls: A XXX MILF Parody


Studio: New Sensations » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 6/23/10



XCritic's Advice: Recommended


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The Golden Girls: A XXX MILF Parody

New Sensations

Genre: Sitcum Porn Parody, MILF


Director: Lee Roy Myers

Cast: Diamond Foxxx, Johnny Castle, Raylene, Rocco Reed, Julia Ann, Levi Cash, Jewels Jade, James Deen, Puma Swede, Rachel Love

Length: 161:32 minutes

Diamond Foxxx

Date of Production: 4/6/2010

Extras: This was another high end production for the company (by current standards) so it warranted the double disc treatment, starting off the second disc with a 92:10 minute long "party version" of the movie. This was kind of cool, though an explanation as to the difference between the regular version would have been nice, my understanding being that the sex was less explicit. That was followed by 17:21 minute long Behind the Scenes feature by Will Bice & Ralph Long that included some comments by the cast telling the interviewer about their roles. There was an unrelated bonus scene between Julia Ann and Randy Spears in a scene from "Erotic Stories 3" as well, lasting 31:18 minutes. Then came a pop shot recap, 7:15 minutes of Bloopers, a large bunch of sitcum trailers, spam, an anti-piracy commercial, and an iPod compatible version of the movie on DVD Rom. In all, it was a great selection of extras, most of them related too.

Raylene

-- sponsored by --

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: The Golden Girls: A XXX MILF Parody was presented in a sharp looking 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen picture as shot by director Lee Roy Myers for New Sensations using the MPEG-2 codec with 480 resolution. The show looked like a lower end pornified version of the original series but the casting was far, far more appealing than it would have been had anyone even close to the television show been used. There were few compression artifacts that I noticed and the video bitrate seemed to hover around the 4.3 Mbps, the fluid camerawork coming across like the show too. This was a pretty good pornified version of the original show, the director again using editor Gabrielle Anex to enhance the final product. The company logo was always present in the lower right hand corner with a light watermark but it wasn't obtrusive except in a few of the sex scenes. The SD audio was presented in a standard 2.0 Dolby Digital English with a 192 Kbps bitrate and 48 kHz sampling rate, no separation between the channels, a limited dynamic range, and generic music to fit the bill of the original. In all then, the show was a cute send up to a popular television show, the technical aspects capably handled but not up to Myers' usual standards in some ways, the material thankfully not a mimic of the original show too closely.

Julia Ann

Body of Review: Lee Roy Myers is currently the most prolific parody director at New Sensations if not the entire industry. In terms of sheer quantity, he is perhaps matched only by Axel Braun, the two locked in a heated battle for second place most of the time to the current "top dogs" of the genre in terms of quality productions. Interestingly, both men have shown the ability to transform various movies and television shows into soundly pornified versions porn fans can appreciate, my understanding being that they tend to take the mercenary approach rather than polish up the best of the bunch. What is interesting is that despite the rushed productions, inconsistent casting, and limited set design, both men end up with a decent number of "winners" along the way, such productions able to combine strokable sex with humorous dialogue to fulfill the market needs. To an extent, Lee's The Golden Girls: A XXX MILF Parody was one of his attempts to surpass the original show sexually, the cast including such favorites as Julia Ann, Raylene, and Diamond Foxxx certainly assisting him in this endeavor. I won't ruin the threadbare plot or the occasionally cute quips included in the movie for those into cougar flicks but I will suggest that going into it, I felt confident that it would be better than most of his works to date. The back of the box cover described the movie like this: "From the studio that brought you the AVN award-winner, 30 Rock: A XXX Parody, New Sensations presents The Golden Girls: A XXX MILF Parody! When you put Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, and Sophia together, the sarcasm and silliness will fly. But add in Dorothy's lesbian friend, Jean, and you will have some of the hottest MILF sex you have ever seen! Jean comes for a visit, but it gets awkward when she reveals that she is in love with Rose. So, the girls try to show Jean that a studly man almost half their ages can fill a void that another woman just can't reach. And are those voids ever filled! The Golden Girls become The Golden Cougars as they fuck their way through all of the young man-meat that they can handle. But will they bring Jean over to the cock side? Thank them for being such whores! Your favorite TV grannies become cum-guzzling super slutty MILFs in the Parody that you will never want to retire!" Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Jewels Jade and James Deen

Scene One: Diamond Foxxx, portraying a busty Blanche on the prowl, tipped plumber Johnny Castle the old fashioned way, their clothing coming off as fast as needed for him to start orally servicing her. He liked older women and thick asses, rimming her and drooling all over the floor before she reciprocated aggressively by slobbing his knob. I liked her fishnet stockings and shaven pussy as much as he did, the man going the extra mile on her when it came time to pound that pussy into oblivion as she wanted. Several positions later, some of which were orally punctuated by taste testing, he busted a nut of genetic juice on her face with the popular gal cleaning him off one last time. She was an active rider and the kitchen served nicely as their base of operations, some chemistry between them noted.

Puma Swede and Rachel Love

Scene Two: Raylene, wearing colorful retiree clothing and portraying Dorothy (as seen in the blue bikini undies on the far left hand side of the cover), was up next in the living room with shirtless Rocco Reed, the man acting slow as could be while she flirted with him. He took it in stride and the annoying laugh track aside, he kissed her at length. Under her layers of clothing were the same tits and ass her fans have long appreciated, Rocco going down on her before she gave a semi-POV hummer using her mouth and hand. Raylene has been thick for some time now, even before leaving porn so many years ago to come back now, her vaginal riding not as active as some of her peers in the movie. It didn't help that Rocco initially had wood issues either but both of them came around when she was on top of him, pumping away and moaning loudly as if trying to convince the world she was still as viable as ever. This continued until he jerked off to her face, his semen oozing out with a small load of spunk, Raylene looking up at him as though he did her a favor.

The Extras

Scene Three: Julia Ann, the blond bombshell featured on the center of the front cover was up next as Rose, the gal the most convincing actress of the cast as she jumped on Levi Cash in their couch scene. She kissed him and pulled up his shirt to work his nipples, moving down to his pecker where she reminded me of why she was so popular for so long as a regular hotty, leaving her contract to become one of the preeminent MILFs in the industry. The hand to gland combat was great and her oral added a dimension to it, the lustful look in her eyes enhancing the sexuality of the scene even before she responded so well to his own oral advances. She was an active vaginal rider too, the positions including some taste testing and even minor anal play (no penetration by cock though), her hungry approach to servicing him adding to the fun. As expected in a formulaic porno, it ended when he rubbed out a wad of sperm to her face, the lady intensely appreciating his love of cougars.

Scene Four: Jewels Jade, a youthful brunette with a curvy body, was up next in the kitchen with James Deen, the gal offering him some cake as he lounged at the table while she sat across from him in her skimpy bikini undies. They had a heart to heart talk that ended as all such talks do in porn, the two kissing and her clothes coming off so he could eat her out. The tryst seemed mechanical and forced but they made the most of it as she reciprocated with a modest blowjob, the couple vaginally screwing with minimal effort. She put a lot more effort into her blowjob than the riding, the sole exception being when she was on top of him pumping up and down, James tossing off to her ass crack and Jewels sucking him clean to close it out.

Scene Five: Puma Swede, a bleach blond with a heavy accent, was up last playing lesbian Jean, the woman seducing the oldest member of the tribe Sophia (Rachel Love) as the two jumped each other on bed. There was a lot of titty love and caressing, the majority of action centering on oral such as cunnilingus and face sitting. For me, it was the second weakest scene of the bunch although they did seem to like each other enough with borderline chemistry that I couldn't dismiss it altogether. There was even some toy play towards the end of the scene, the abundance of lube used weakening the final effort for me.

Summary: The Golden Girls: A XXX MILF Parody by director Lee Roy Myers for New Sensations was one of the boldest attempts to turn into a sexual parody given the complete lack of appeal the original show had for me sexually but he managed to vindicate himself fairly well, earning a rating of Recommended for the levels of replay value and strokability it provided. While cougar parodies are not exactly burning up the charts compared to scores of other releases, and I have my doubts that there will be a lot of mainstream folks picking one of these up to check into as they do with so many other sitcums on the market, Julia Ann, Diamond Foxxx, and Raylene showed they could work the small screen even when hampered by wigs and frumpy clothing playing down their usual physical appeal. In short then, The Golden Girls: A XXX MILF Parody was well worth checking out for those of you wanting to see a sexier version of the ancient sitcom, some care going into the theme song and technical values to make it all come together.


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You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon



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