Some good previews before the movie for Hazel does Hollywood. It actually makes me want to see the movie. Gasp! Has this ever happened?
The second preview isn't nearly as good. At least, it isn't for me. Your mileage may vary and all that. It's more S&My but the chicks are not as hot.
And then there is another preview and I am bored. Also not as good.
And OH MY GOD there is a preview for cowboy tranny porn. With Native American, uh, princesses. LOLOL.
OK, so, I am totally confused with the title of this movie. Bailey Jay is... Line Trap. What does that mean?
I do not know.
The movie itself says that it is "Bailey Jay's Line Trap". This small change brings instant clarity.
Or not. Not at all.
IS Bailey Jay Line Trap? Or does the Line Trap belong to Bailey Jay?What or who is a Line Trap? What kind of title is this?
A bad one.
OK, so Bailey Jay is lying on a couch jacking off. Like, that is all that is happening. There isn't even any music. I feel confused.
Nowhere is this advertised as an all-solo masturbation movie
She's talking to the cameraman about how there's never a cock that's too big for her. And... that's it.
No seriously, the scene just kind of ends, and it cuts to her in a short skirt and t-shirt. This is in fact a new scene. What.
Now she's stripping, and again, there's no music and it's just her. So she strips down and poses in a chair, and that's it.
I love the cock-in-panties bulge! Too bad she strips out of her clothes in about 10 seconds and we don't get to enjoy any of it.
Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?
-- sponsored by --
Nowhere is this advertised as a movie with a hot transsexual in hot outfits that she is already taking off when the scene begins so that you can't even enjoy how hot she looks in it!
Next scene. She's wearing a sailor outfit. And she is stripping. Again. She gets naked and lies on the bed, looking vaguely uncomfortable. Hilariously, there is REAL PORN on a laptop next to her. Then there is an extreme closeup on her not-hard junk.
This is not real porn. This is... weird.
And OMG she is actually masturbating now! And now get this. She makes lots of moany noises as if she's cumming and then... nothing happens. She makes a pouty face, shrugs and says, "Nothing."
Don't worry Bailey, I'm much sadder
than you are by this turn of events.
Now she's stripping out of a red dress. I'm sensing a theme here...
She gives the whole masturbation thing another go here. And we wait, and we wait, and I contemplate how I'm going to give this movie the worst possible grade ever.
She eventually does cum, and it's pretty good. She licks it off her hands but they cut before she can swallow really.
A sexy, hot transsexual licks up her own cum and you cut before she can swallow or play with it more? WHAT!?
Next scene... she's like in this carhop outfit outside, and then she is indoors wearing roller skates. She's talking but I really don't care. And she's stripping now and I care even less. She's chewing gum, and she masturbates while blowing giant pink bubbles.
Nowhere is this advertised as a movie full of crap like this.
Then she kneels on the couch and wiggles her cock around... seductively?
Now she's stripping out of a ref outfit. Gingham bra and panties is nice. Curtains? Hideous.
There's a dildo next to her, which ends up in her ass. OK. She cums at the end of this scene, and again, it's a pretty good cumshot, but I am confused as to why every scene does not end with a cumshot. I mean, this is porn, right? Again, she licks it up, and again, they cut away before she does anything that can be construed as swallowing.
And you know what, I'm done here.
Every scene is like exactly the same, and I use that term loosely, because a scene that does not end with a cumshot isn't really a scene. And there is no one else in any of these scenes. No one!
What the fuck kind of porn is this?
Photo slideshow and behind the scenes footage and cast interviews (what?? There's only ONE person in the cast!!),
and it's all this content that clearly had nothing to do with anything on the actual DVD.
She explained that "Line Trap" is a nickname. But if you didn't know her before seeing this, you didn't know that. And so the title makes no sense and is just confusing.
The previews are actually better than the movie.
The good: Bailey is smokin' hot, very cute, looks like a girl, knows how to dress cute and sexy and slutty like a girl would and seems to have a nice cock. And when she cums, it's hot, and she even licks it up!
The bad: THIS MOVIE. If you're going to do a solo masturbation movie, you need to tell people! You also need to put more than ONE HOUR of content on the disc! That's all we have here... one hour with like 10+ scenes of Bailey alone, sometimes masturbating, sometimes cumming, sometimes just writhing around. The hell?!
Final Grade: D-
To be clear I actually like Bailey a LOT, but I'd like to see her DO something and have sex, etc. I doubt it's her fault that this movie is such a cheap, short mess.
Apparently, somebody thinks it's enough to see a good lookin' tranny naked. It is not.
You're really hot, honey, and you deserve better. Here's hoping your future releases involve some actual sex!