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Kung Fu Beauty

Studio: Vivid » Review by Christopher Thorne » Review Date: 7/12/10

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Kung Fu Beauty
Vivid Entertainment
Running Time: 2:08
Condoms: None
Directors: B. Skow

The Movie:  Ninja Porn! How could that not be something you'd want to watch?!? The premise of Kung Fu beauty is an ex-ninja / kung-fu beauty in witness protection trying to give up her old life. A murder of her partner brings her back into her gi, dusting off her numchucks, samurai sword and throwing stars. Where Kung Fu Beauty falters is in the story. 

The movie is really a series of vignettes connected by very short and very thin connective tissue. While some of the interstitial scenes are fun we don't get any kung-fu or sword fighting.  

An opening scene with AJ in bra, panties and a samurai sword shows the promise of the concept. Unfortunately the promise is never really explored.  The acting in this film is also porn star bad. But the sex is very good and the movie is shot really well.

Here's how it breaks down:

A.J. Bailey & Scott Nails

The scene stars out with a short narrative intro, sort of cryptic with AJ looking through some ninja stuff in a chest. We get to the action pretty quickly with some kissing and AJ giving a fantastic blow job. I loved B. Skow's camera work in the scene as he's often below the action looking up, which really puts you in the thick of things.   

AJ was really into the scene and I like how she kept coming back to the blow job which was very hot.  When she was being eaten out it was clear she was going to go for a real orgasm and she fingered herself through the next position to get it. Even after cuming AJ didn't slow down and she rocked a number of positions to finally take a load in the mouth.  

Positions:  Blow job, Cowgirl, Blow job, Reverse Cowgirl, Side Strattle, Blow job, Cunnalingus, Missionary (with real orgasm), Blow job, Collapsed Doggie Style/ Spoon hybrid, Blow job, Standing Side Angel, Doggie, Cum in the Mouth.

Another narrative vignet bridges the scenes with AJ toting a samurai sword and finding her partner pumped full of throwing stars.  She dons ninja gear and goes out to seek revenge.  Aj looked amazing in a bra, panties and samurai sword, would have loved to see more of her in that space. 

Dylan Ryder & Denis Marti

Dylan gets out of her gi pretty fast and gets to work with a solid hand job. Dylan gives a nice blow job to start the scene with great eye contact but once it moves to her being fingered plus the blow job the scene starts to falter. It's an outdoor scene so there's less for the performers to work with and they do a solid job with fucking on a hard stone staircase. While I liked Dylan Rider I felt like AJ's opening scene was stronger. The chemistry was a little lacking and the male performer lacked heat, he just fucked.  

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Positions: Hand job, Blow Job, Cunnalingus, Blow Job while getting fingered, Standing Doggie Style, Standing Side angle, Blow Job, Cowgirl, Blow Job, Reverse Cowgirl, Spoon, Cum on Her pussy.

More narrative scene, but this one is pretty bad, sort of the prototypical bad porn acting scene. It's shot infront of a fountain that makes the dialogue hard to hear. 

A.J. Bailey & Johnny Sins

As with her first scene this one starts with some nice kissing and a blow job. Aj has a nice sense of how to start the action in a scene nice and slow so it'll build. I always like her oral work and it's as solid as ever here. As with her first scene AJ is completely dialed in here obviously enjoying the sex and equally working on trying to orgasm as have a good scene. The end of this scene she is so into it she makes Johnny Sins blow his load, no editing here for the money shot and it was clear he was going to come weather he was ready or not.  All in all a fantastic scene.

Positions: Blow Job, Cunnalingus, Missionary, Blow Job, Doggie, Cunnalingus, Reverse Cowgirl, Pile-driver, Cunnalingus, Missionary, Cum on her Pussy.

Isis Taylor & Billy Glide 

I haven't seen a lot of Isis Taylor's work before but I was really impressed with it her. She's got a real nice natural look with very beautiful natural breasts. She brings real nice energy to her scene work and is a solid all around performer. Unfortunately Billy Glide totally fucked several fantastic moments in this scene. One point they n they were in side angel, Isis was VERY into it and and he stood up and had her blow him. It took the steam right out of the scene. The scene does build back up after some cunnalingus as Isis really goes for it.  She yells to Glide "Don't Fucking Stop", but he seems winded and can keep it going, totally unacceptable. 

Here's a female performer who is genuinely going for an orgasm and a male performer who doesn't have the stamina to deliver it. WHAT THE FUCK!!! The second half of this scene is cut apart as it's clear that Glide had to take a break or something as he's really unable to deliver.  Again at the end Isis seems like she's going for it and Glide doesn't deliver. His money shot is limp and anemic. Ultimately fucked up what should have been a great scene.

Positions: Blow Job, 69, Cowgirl, Blow Job (super quick), Cowgirl, Blow Job (super quick), Reverse Cowgirl, Side Angel, Blow Job, Cunnalingus, Missionary, Doggie Style, Missionary, Cum on Her Pussy.

Another short connective scene with two guys playing go fish....lame.

A.J. Bailey, Bill Bailey and  Clarke Kent

The scene starts with AJ tied up and gaged with Bill Bailey fingering her. She's ungagged and then gives a bound blow job.  It would have been nice to see more play with AJ tied up but perhaps that would have been more edgy than what they were going for here.  Clarke Kent joins in to make it a threesome.  While I liked this scene I think AJ does better when she's one on one. Of the two guys Bill Bailey seems to be the better of the two really adding heat to the scene, Clarke is more of a stunt cock here.

Postions:  Blow Job (while bound), Double Blow Job, Cunnalingus with Blow Job, Missionary plus Blow Job, Solo Blow Job, Reverse Cowgirl plus Blow Job, Doggie Style plus Blow Job, Cowgirl plus Blow Job, Spoon plus Blow Job, Dual cum on her face.

Final scene that's a pseudo fight scene.

Audio and Video:  B. Skow is a master behind the camera and the image on Kung Fu Beauty was impecable. Even on the DVD version this movie looked like it was in high def. Sound was also solid through out (except for one scene where dialogue is obliterated by water sounds).

Special Features:  A 22 min Behind The Scenes has more action than the movie itself, here AJ plays around with some numchucks! There's a nice bit here with Kiara Diane where she teases the camera, it's a nice bit. There's also some great talking with AJ, how can you not lover her after listening to her here!

There's a 21 minute "deleted scene" with Kiara Diane and Michael Pacino although this really doesn't tie into the film so it's really more of a bonus scene. I am not familair with Kiara bur I REALLY liked her in this scene. These two would have been a much better paring for the 2nd scene in this film as Kiara's work is much stronger than Dylan and Pacino's work here is equally strong. I'd definitely like to see Kiara in more stuff.

There's also a photo gallery, previews and a mess of commercials for Vivid products. It's important to note that there isn't a Positions Menu even though it's listed on the cover. With so many  positions in these scenes this feature would be a tough one to implement, they should have probably removed it from the cover though.

Final Thoughts: I've been a fan of AJ Bailey's from the get go. In Kung Fu Beauty it's clear she's really honed her craft with consistently solid sex scenes with tons of energy, honest attempts to orgasm and great chemistry with her fellow performers. Sex wise you get three very solid sex scenes (All of which are with AJ). The scene with Isis Taylor should have been a blockbuster one but Billy Glide totally sucked ass. If you are going to be a male performer in this biz you need to fucking have the stamina.  Oddly there are a ton more dudes in this film than anything else. Six male performers vs only three female performers.  Is there a shortage?!?

There also was a huge opportunity missed between Isis Taylor and AJ Bailey in one of the transition scenes when AJ is tied up. Even if it wasn't a full sex scene it would have been fun to see Isis taunt and play with AJ.

Narratively Kung Fu Beauty is a mess. Attempting to pull together these sex scenes into a cohesive movie just doesn't work. Each could easily be viewed outside of the narrative and once the connective scene is done the sex doesn't really carry any of it over.  I'm most disappointed that there's really not much kung-fu in kung-fu beauty. I understand that huge fight scenes would be both expensive, time consuming and tough to pull off but I think the pay off would have been MORE than worth it. There is one 'action' scene at the end but it felt really rushed and doesn't really deliver.  One good sword fight (and a better paring for Isis Taylor) would have elevated this movie from a Recommended to a Highly Recommended.  Still AJ's work here is more than enough to recommend it, it's just a bummer that this isn't the ninja porn we were hoping it could be. 

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