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This Ain't Celebrity Apprentice XXX


Studio: Hustler Video » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 8/17/10



XCritic's Advice: Recommended


click for trailer

This Ain't Celebrity Apprentice XXX

Hustler Video

Genre: Sitcum, Porn Parody

The Ladies

Director: Stuart Canterbury

Cast: Jessica Jaymes, Derrick Pierce, Kylee Reese, Lee Bangs, Brooke Haven, Dale DaBone, Misty Stone, Celeste Star, Tanya Tate, Kyle Stone

Length: 112:07 minutes

Kyle Stone as Donald Trump

Date of Production: 2010

Extras: The extras were the cookie cutter standard, as expected with some trailers, a photogallery, spam, and a short Behind the Scenes feature lasting 27:30 minutes. Most of the BTS is just interview material but it helped flesh out a few of the performers, I just wish it had been more complete as a time capsule for the show itself like some of the other sitcum makers have been providing.

Condoms: None

Jessica Jaymes with Derrick Pierce

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Audio/Video Quality: This Ain't Celebrity Apprentice XXX was presented in a fetching 1.78:1 widescreen color by director Stuart Canterbury for Hustler Video using MPEG-2 with the usual 480p resolution. The bitrate hovered around the 5.1 Mbps mark. The use of video bothers some folks but it suited the nature of the show far more than film would have and the contrasts were all enhanced by the high definition approach. There were no obvious compression artifacts, no grain to speak of, and I saw no macro-blocking or other issues that pop up; thanks in no small part to the proper lighting applied here in most cases (the editing by Scarlet Begonia in need of some polishing up though). The summation of the visuals is that they made the show look decent, my sole complaint being that the composition of the camera angles and editing, while often respectable, did not seem to be the best way to enhance the looks of some of the ladies and/or make them look more like the roles they were playing. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English using a 224 Kbps bitrate at 48 kHz in both versions. The vocals on the scenes were flat and even in most cases, the voice-overs sounding somewhat warmer in tone and always easier to hear, and the minimal music seemed to come from the stock library used for years by the company.

Kylee Reese with Lee Bangs

Body of Review: Stuart Canterbury has been working at Hustler Video of late to increase their sheer volume of sitcum hits, the results being they are probably the number one production company in terms of quantity of such movies made. While this hasn't always translated into all of their flicks being of the highest quality, fans seem to appreciate them all the same. Their latest collaboration is for This Ain't Celebrity Apprentice XXX, making light of the lame reality business show where Donald Trump pisses all over folks for the amusement of the viewing audience. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a fan of the show itself so any of the usual mocking coming out of Hustler's sitcum assembly line will probably be met with amusement and higher ratings, at least so long as the sex warrants it. Having seen lead male Kyle Stone prove he is the best in porn for the Donald Trump role in Celebrity Apprentass, another company's take on the show, I was anxious to see how well Cyndi Lauper, Bret Michaels, Sharon Osbourne, Darryl Strawberry, and Holly Peete would fare in this version, Stuart's rendition somewhat curious in its own manner. Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Brooke Haven with Dale DaBone

Scene One: Jessica Jaymes, the skinny brunette featured on the left side of the front cover, was up first with Derrick "Bret Michaels" Pierce, his wig surpassed in lameness only by Kyle's toupee. She was slobbing his knob on the couch as though she had seen a great many cocks orally, her skanky outfit left partially on even as he reciprocated briefly. She then actively rode him vaginally, impaling herself on his throbbing manhood with a lot of heavy breathing. She looked better doing doggy or taste testing his juiced up pecker, a few more positions leading to a titty pop by his own hand as he rubbed out a wad of genetic juice.

Misty Stone and Celeste Star

Scene Two: Kylee Reese, reprising her role as Ivanka, was up next in a small apartment wearing a black dress with sexy underwear on. She was undressing when Lee "Darryl Strawberry" Bangs snuck into her place, the scene cutting away during the preliminaries only to return with him pounding away at her pussy in doggy style. She was rocking on his cock as he spanked her, the gal providing some panting as his girth stretched her out. He gave her a few licks and she blew him a little with some taste testing, the flexible lass seemingly enjoying the penetration more in missionary, though she was more aggressive during the cowgirl variations. This kept up until he jerked out a modest wad of population pudding to her mouth, her smile speaking volumes as to how much she liked the taste.

Tanya Tate with Kyle Stone

Scene Three: Brooke Haven, a busty blond playing an aging pop singer, was up next with Dale DaBone, the man portraying the lead's obnoxious son. He picked her off the street during one of the contests, rewarding her services with money to win in the apartment as she inhaled his cock orally. Her sparkly bikini undies enhanced her curvy figure, Brooke's devotion to cock sucking employing the use of her hand to gland combat style before gyrating actively on his cock during the vaginal penetration positions. The white couch served as their launch pad and it was far from her best work, his nut of semen going all over her chest.

Scene Four: Misty Stone, a black beauty well versed in sitcums, was up next in a lesbian scene with hotty Celeste Star, the personal demonstration of a sex toy going further than expected as the two engaged in a licking tryst. The solo act by Misty started the liaison as she reclined in a comfortable chair, the large pink vibrator stroking her clitoris as she became aroused. Celeste has a lengthy reputation for liking the ladies too, her hands freely roaming around Misty as the couple kissed and exposed themselves to one another. They ate, fingered, and enjoyed a 69, additional toys coming into play before they closed out with a smile, their chemistry obvious.

Scene Five: Tanya Tate, the busty MILF seen on the front cover (third from the left beside Kyle Stone), was up last as she sought to break the tie using old fashioned methods in the boardroom. Kyle played the role as woodenly as the real character does, Tanya's portrayal of Sharon Osbourne somewhat less convincing as she spread her legs for him to eat her out. She bossed him around and told him what to do with a bad English accent, demanding he vaginally bone her like he owned her. She was an active rider and used some decent levels of dirty talk, blowing him to completion for her facial.

Summary: This Ain't Celebrity Apprentice XXX by director Stuart Canterbury for Hustler Video had an attractive cast with some passable dialogue, surpassing the previous effort elsewhere on a couple of points, including sexually so I rated this one as Recommended. In short then, This Ain't Celebrity Apprentice XXX wasn't the best of the batch from Hustler of late but it showed some potential in terms of the cast that many of you might find appealing, the show serving as a comparison piece to Celebrity Apprentass by a company best known for their gonzo works, the cast doing a pretty amusing job individually as well as how they interacted together as a team to give this one some added appeal, especially for sitcum fans that enjoy parodies.


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You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon



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