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Not Married With Children XXX 2


Studio: Hustler Video » Review by Dr. Jay » Review Date: 10/13/10



XCritic's Advice: XCritic Pick

Genre: Feature
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Brittany O'Connell, Jessica Bangkok, Scott Lyons, Farrah Fox, India Summer, Dino Bravo, Madelyn Marie, Eric Swiss, Kagney Lynn Karter, Barrett Blade, Faye Reagan, Dane Cross
Must-See Girls in Cast: Kagney Lynn Karter
Length: 02:11
Condoms: None
Bonus: Two bonus points: one for condom-free sex and the second for Kagney Lynn Karter, one of my 2010 Dr. Jay's Must-See Girls.

Synopsis

The Bundys are back! Yep, America's most beloved loser family is center-stage yet again in director Will Ryder's second parody of the classic TV show. This time, they're hotter and hornier and ever...and, they have the money to get what they want.

Money? The Bundys have money? Yep, through a cockamamie scheme that could only happen in a sitcom (or, dare I say, sitcum!), the Bundys give $1,000 of their hard-earned money to son Bud's friend...who just happens to work for the Illinois State Lottery. What do they get for that grand? A winning ticket. Yes, the Bundys strike it big and win a million-dollar jackpot.

Although they do purchase a yacht, frequent expensive and trendy restaurants, and even plan exotic vacations, the Bundys stay true to their natures. Peg (Brittany O'Connell) is always horny...and still has to resort to toys since Al (Eric Swiss) still doesn't want to have anything to do with her. Daughter Kelly (Kagney Lynn Karter) is still a slut. But, in addition to using her boyfriends as fuck toys, she can now buy them lots of presents to make them even happier. Dad Al, seeking to remain "grounded," keeps his day job at the shoe store...and continues to daydream about fucking his pretty customers.

The only one who really seems to be affected by the family's new-found wealth is son Bud (Dane Cross). He goes on somewhat of a spending spree and buys his buddy (Scott Lyons) a "happy-ending" massage. He even hires the school hooker (Faye Reagan) to take his virginity.

In a somewhat predictable wrinkle, the Illinois State Lottery Commission gets wind of the unusual circumstances surrounding the Bundy's win and sends an agent, James Bartholet, to investigate (as always, James gives a first-class non-sex performance!). Daughter Kelly, slut that she is, saves the day by using her considerable "powers of persuasion" in the back seat of James' car.

Director Will Ryder did a fantastic job with this parody (nobody shoots a better parody than Will). As always, the sets, locations, props, wardrobe, make-up, and hairstyling are all period-appropriate and perfectly spoof the "real" cast. Even the cast members' mannerisms mimic those of the old TV show's cast! And, as is always the case in a Will Ryder flick, the soundtrack is superb. There's lots of well-considered music that's nicely augmented with a hilarious laugh track.

Even better than the technical aspects and production values of Not Married With Children XXX 2 is the cast. Wow! You couldn't have asked for a sexier--or more "role appropriate"--cast than that chosen by Will Ryder. Brittany O'Connell is the perfect horny mom "Peg." Eric Swiss is an even better "Al" than Ed O'Neill (check out his disgusted sneer in the linked photo). But, the absolute best character in Not Married With Children XXX 2 is Kagney Lynn Karter. Of course, we always knew that Christina Applegate's classic character was a slut. Kagney, however, shows us just how much of a 'ho Kelly really is. Kagney DOES what we always wanted Christina to do!

Overall, I'd say that Not Married With Children XXX 2 is one of the most enjoyable movies I've watched all year. You definitely want a copy in your library.

Check out some photos of the girls in Not Married With Children XXX 2 here. Pay particular attention to the photos of busty blond Kagney Lynn Karter, and those of salacious and insatiable Brittany O'Connell! Enjoy!

Review

Note to readers: My reviews are provided in two parts. This web page provides you with an overview of the scene's setup and action as well as my ratings for sex, video, audio, and production values. A separate Word document checklist details the foreplay activities, positions, pops, and features of each scene...as well as the calculation of each scene's ratings. The checklist for Not Married With Children XXX 2 can be downloaded here. You'll need a password. It's drjay2010.

Look for scenes and movies with a 4.5 or higher (A) sex rating and at least 4.0 (B) in video, audio, and production values. Those are my favorite scenes and I'm quite certain that you'll like them, too.

Scene 1

Scene Type: Solo masturbation
Performers: Brittany O'Connell

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: After several minutes of plot development, during which the Bundy's ever-present poverty becomes perfectly clear, Eric Swiss (Al Bundy) and Brittany O'Connell (Peg) hit the sack. Of course, insatiable Peg is horny as hell and wants sex. And, predictably, Al isn't in the mood: "You're just gonna have to use your crotch rocket!" That's fine with Peg! So, after Al rolls over, pretends to sleep, and grimaces, Peg pulls out her super-sized tits so she can squeeze, lick, and suckle them. And, she grabs a long and powerful vibrator, too. After a couple of minutes of self-foreplay, Peg opens her legs wide, drizzles a liberal amount of lube onto her pussy and fire-red bush, and strokes her slippery labia with her fingers as ecstatic moans escape her lips. Soon, her well-used labia spread open (nice gape!) so that Peg can easily fit multiple fingers deep inside her vagina. Peg continues to finger-fuck herself, stroke and spank her labia, and jack her clit for a few minutes (her groans keep her daughter Kelly awake!) and then turns her attention to her super-long toy. After sucking it greedily, she cranks up the vibrator's speed, slides it into her insatiable and super slippery cunt, reams herself gleefully, and massages her sensitive clit as her pleasure builds inexorably toward a world-class orgasm. After she cums the first time, Peg sucks the vibrator clean and then plunges it back into her ravenous cunt for more orgasmic fun. Meanwhile, Al does his best to ignore Peg's animal lust (of course, her groans keep him awake!) and shows off his best-ever grimaces. He even tells her to "shut the fuck up...I'm trying to sleep!" Even though Peg wants to keep cumming and cumming, she finally gives in to Al's grouchiness and turns off her vibrator. I'll bet she continued to feel its effects for some time, however!

Foreplay: Finger-fucking, two-finger-fucking, clit jacking, toy play, masturbation, tit sucking and squeezing, fellatio (with toy)
Vaginal Positions: NA
Anal Positions: NA
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: NA

Sex rating: 4.25
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.70

What I Liked Most:

  • Brittany O'Connell plays the perfect Peg! Everything from the look to the mannerisms are all perfect! Nice job, Brittany!
  • The production values are excellent. The location, sets, make-up, wardrobe, laugh track, and musical soundtrack are all true to the original TV series.
  • The acting is all completely believable and is a credit to the adult performers who were cast for their parts in this movie.
  • The close-ups are very nice throughout the scene.
  • Brittany does a very fine job pleasuring herself. Damn, she really knows how to masturbate!
  • I like the way Brittany slathers a liberal amount of lube on her pussy.
  • Brittany's pussy gapes beautifully while she plays with it.
  • Brittany makes so much noise masturbating that Kagney Lynn Karter (playing Kelly) can't sleep. So, Kagney, deliciously naked and laying atop her bed in her bedroom, masturbates and talks with a boyfriend on the phone.
  • Brittany's second orgasm is truly amazing. Damn, that must have felt good!

What Could Have Been Better:

  • Much of the video was shot in the quintessential porn style: oblique camera angles and jerky camera movements are the norm. I wish that porn videographers would leave these old mannerisms behind.
  • I wish Brittany had pleasured her asshole. A little anal massage would have been fun...anal finger-fucking would have been even better.

Scene 2

Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Jessica Bangkok, Scott Lyons

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: During a few minutes of very funny plot development, the loser Bundys hatch a plot to win the Illinois State Lottery. All they have to do is give Bud's (Dane Cross) friend $1,000 and she'll do the rest. Amazingly, the Bundys win and strike it rich. To celebrate his new "rich" status, young Bud decides to go for a massage...and take his friend Scott Lyons with him. Bud is not only generous with his friend, but he's also quite magnanimous and lets Scott go first. Through the luck of the draw, Scott's masseuse is the lovely and voluptuous Jessica Bangkok. Soon after Jessica joins the guys in the massage room, she recognizes Bud as the winner of the lottery she promises him a "happy ending." But, again, Bud is generous and lets Scott go first. Jessica is impressed and promises that Kitty (Farrah Foxx) will come into the room and give Bud a massage after Jessica and Scott are finished. Little does Bud know what's in store for him. So, while Bud sits on the sidelines and watches, Scott follows Jessica's instructions to "take off your clothes and get naked." Scott immediately complies and is soon atop the massage table enjoying Jessica's considerable skills as she gives him her "deluxe massage." What's a deluxe massage? Well, after Scott's rubdown, Jessica turns her attention to his cock and gives him a first-class and quite slobbery hand/blowjob. Then, she sits on Scott's face so that the two can enjoy delectable 69. Jessica so enjoys the feel of Scott's tongue on her clit that she squeals and convulses through repeated orgasms while she greedily gorges herself on his cock. She even swallows him balls deep and gags on his rod! As foreplay morphs into sex, Jessica simply slides down Scott's body, straddles him in reverse, takes his cock deep into her super-soaked vagina, and then fucks him wildly using some very effective and quite enthusiastic moves. In due course, Jessica lifts herself off of Scott's cock, turns around into cowgirl, and lowers herself down so that her vagina again envelopes his penis. Then, the real fun begins! Both Jessica and Scott thrust back and forth and up and down in a perfectly synchronized manner that's not only pleasing to watch but must also feel extraordinarily good. In fact, Jessica feels so fucking good that she cums again! "It's so good!" she coos. Later, Scott gets to slide into Jessica's beautifully-gaping cunt in doggie and pound her frantically at redline speed through a delicious orgasm while torrents of extremely suggestive words pour from her naughty mouth. By now, you'd think that Jessica would be sated and ready for Scott to cum. Not so! Instead, they spend some high-energy in-and-out time in spoon (great shots of Jessica's bouncing boobs) as Scott ramps up to his orgasm. When he reaches the point of no return, he pulls out of Jessica's vagina and climbs off the massage table. Quickly, Jessica drops to her knees, opens her mouth wide, and tilts her head back to receive Scott's load directly into her mouth. She sucks him dry, licks his still-quivering rod, shows us her cum-filled mouth, and swallows. Sweet! Jessica turns to Bud and tells him that she's going to go get cleaned up. "Kitty (Farrah Foxx) will be right out for you!"

Foreplay: Mutual stripping, massage, oil/lotion, caressing/groping, handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, cunnilingus, 69.
Vaginal Positions: Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie, spoon.
Anal Positions: None
Girl cums: Repeatedly
Pop: Open mouth; she swallows.

Sex rating: 4.60
Video rating: 4.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.70

What I Liked Most:

  • The production values are excellent. The location, sets, make-up, wardrobe, laugh track, and musical soundtrack are all true to the original TV series. In particular, the laugh track is hilarious, especially when Kelly (Kagney Lynn Karter) gives her boyfriend a blowjob while the rest of her family watches the lottery broadcast on TV.
  • The acting is all completely believable and is a credit to the adult performers who were cast for their parts in this movie.
  • It's cool how Bud Bundy (Dane Cross) watches from the sidelines and gets to vicariously enjoy his friend's romp with masseuse Jessica. It must be nice to see your money so well used!
  • The close-ups, throughout the scene, are top notch. So are the shot-from-above camera angles during doggie.
  • The massage parlor setting for this scene is titillating and very appropriate given Bud Bundy's new-found riches.
  • I like how Scott and Jessica make such creative use of the massage table during the scene.
  • Jessica's slobbery-wet combination hand/blowjob technique is hot!
  • The cunnilingus, especially during 69, is outstanding. Scott makes Jessica cum with his tongue. Yum!
  • Jessica's super-wet cunt liberally coats Scott's cock with girl-juice. No lube necessary!
  • Jessica's big boobs dance and dangle beautifully as she fucks Scott with powerful, sexy, and energetic moves. They look best, I think, during spoon when Scott pounds her relentlessly.
  • Jessica and Scott fuck each other with tremendous skill during cowgirl and doggie...like a well-engineered fucking machine! Their skill and enthusiasm result in orgasms for Jessica in both these positions.
  • I really like Jessica's command of naughty language. As the saying goes, "she can make a sailor blush!"
  • Jessica swallows Scott's semen at the end of the scene.
  • The "Kitty" (Farrah Foxx) massage sequence is beyond funny!

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What Could Have Been Better:

  • Much of the video was shot in the quintessential porn style: oblique camera angles and jerky camera movements are the norm. I wish that porn videographers would leave these old mannerisms behind.
  • There are missing transitions between sexual positions.
  • I wish Jessica's asshole had been pleasured. A little anal massage or rimming would have sufficed...anal fucking would have been much better.

Scene 3

Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers:  India Summer, Dino Bravo

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: India Summer and Dino Bravo play next-door-neighbors Marcy and Steve. One day, the two of them stop by the Bundy's for a little conversation and overhear Al talking on the phone about his plan to continue working even though he's now a millionaire and has purchased a 40-foot yacht. Marcy (India) listens to Al's words and states her feelings succinctly: "The smell of money really brings out the animal in me!" As Al fields call after call (including one from Hugh Hefner inviting him to come to "the mansion"), Marcy gets more and more horny: "I can't take it any more. I need to have sex right now, Steve!" Then, she literally drags him out of the Bundy's and home to their living room where they sit on the couch and make out. As she spreads her legs wide open, Marcy states her requirements concisely: "OK, Steve. I need you to service me completely!" First, she satisfies her oral needs by giving Steve a very unique and truly enjoyable blowjob that's replete with deep-throat, gagging, balls gobbling, and plenty of hand work, too (There's nice POV footage during fellatio.). Meanwhile, the "laugh track" lets us know just how much the "studio audience" is enjoying the action. After a while, Marcy bares her muscular and firm body, lies back on the couch, and spreads her legs wide so that Steve can give her extremely effective cunnilingus. Before he goes down on her, however, he spends some time worshipping her feet and legs with his tongue. But, once his tongue reaches her twat, he shows off his expert pussy-eating technique, a technique that's so effective that Marcy's legs tremble with delight! God, I'd LOVE to eat her...she's so demonstrative! She even fucks back as an orgasm overwhelms her hot body! As the scene unfolds, Marcy mounts Steve in reverse, guides his cock into her accommodating pussy, and then fucks him with long and balls-deep thrusting and grinding strokes (nice close-ups and camera angles). She even makes herself cum by stroking her clit with her fingers while she dances on his dick! After Marcy climaxes, she kneels on the couch in doggie and then spreads her ass cheeks wide so that Steve can rim her sweet asshole while she encourages him with nasty words. Of course, Steve's cock soon fills Marcy's cunt as it pistons in-and-out of her balls-deep. Marcy loves Steve's actions and encourages him with her words and ecstatic squeals. After a while, Marcy once again climbs on top and shows off hot and sexy moves almost as nice as those she used during reverse. Then, Marcy lies half on her side and half on her back so that Steve can ream her cunt in missionary/on-her-side. Marcy cums again and then it's time for Steve to fill her mouth with his seed as she kneels at his feet. She milks and sucks him dry and his sperm disappears down her throat.

Foreplay: Mutual stripping, tit squeezing, hair pulling, handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, balls gobbling, cunnilingus, foot-worship.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie, on-her-side.
Anal Positions: None
Girl cums: Repeatedly
Pop: Open mouth. She swallows.

Sex rating: 4.80
Video rating: 4.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.70

What I Liked Most:

  • The production values are excellent. The location, sets, make-up, wardrobe, laugh track, and musical soundtrack are all true to the original TV series.
  • The acting is all completely believable and is a credit to the adult performers who were cast for their parts in this movie.
  • The close-ups, throughout the scene, are very effective. I love to see pussy close-up-and-personal!
  • I really like India's firm and muscular all-natural body. The "landing strip" of pubic hair above her clit is damned attractive, too. And, her all natural breasts look super fine when they dangle.
  • India is extremely aggressive in getting her needs fulfilled by Dino. Damn, to have a woman want you that much is what life is all about, guys.
  • The cunnilingus is excellent. Dino licks India to orgasm while her body--especially her legs--tremble with pleasure.
  • Those of you with foot fetishes will enjoy Dino's foot- and leg-pleasing tongue action.
  • India's cocksucking technique is very unique and very enjoyable.
  • There's some POV footage during the blowjob during which India makes intense eye contact with us as she sucks our cocks. More POV angles highlight the in-and-out action during doggie.
  • India's fucking and grinding moves are breathtaking, especially during reverse cowgirl. Her subsequent orgasm is equally spectacular!
  • Dino rims India's asshole during doggie.
  • India does a very nice job motivating Dino--and us--with torrents of naughty words.
  • India swallows Dino's semen at the end of the scene.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • Much of the video was shot in the quintessential porn style: oblique camera angles and jerky camera movements are the norm. I wish that porn videographers would leave these old mannerisms behind.
  • There are missing transitions between sexual positions.
  • I wish India's asshole had been fucked. I'm grateful for the rimming. But, I'd prefer balls-deep penetration.

Scene 4

Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Madelyn Marie, Eric Swiss

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Al Bundy (Eric Swiss) decides to remain a "regular Joe" even though he's now filthy rich. So, he decides to keep his shoe-sales position. One day, oh-so-sweet Madelyn Marie stops by his store and checks out the merchandise. Of course, Al, always a pervert, can't keep his eyes off Madelyn's body that's squeezed into a skin-tight rainbow-colored outfit (you won't be able to take your eyes off of her, either!). Al lets Madelyn shop for a while and then sells her not one, but three pairs of shoes! Such a sale! Al's in heaven...so much so, in fact, that he immediately begins to daydream about fucking sweet Madelyn right there in his store. Fortunately, in his fantasy, Madelyn's on board with him: "Make love to me right in the store!" she begs. So, as the "studio audience" screams its approval, Madelyn pulls Al into a tight embrace and kisses him deeply while his randy hands explore her shapely curves. Abruptly, Al pulls away and asks, "How far can I go in this fantasy?" "All the way," she replies. Score! Within seconds, as mystical smoke fills the air, Al is stripping off Madelyn's clothes and enjoying the sight and feel of her succulent flesh. He squeezes her fine tits, slips his hand into her panties and jacks her clit, finger-fucks her pussy, spreads her legs, and then attacks her pussy with his greedy tongue as her body heaves with lust and ecstatic groans pour from her lips. Al even multiple-finger-fucks Madelyn's pussy while he licks her clit with rapid-fire strokes. Of course, Madelyn repays Al's oral favor by sucking and deep-throating his lucky cock (nice POV footage), by making sexy stringers from her mouth to his rod, and by suckling his balls. She does damned nice work with her hands, too. And, she lets him fuck her pretty titties, too. In due course, Madelyn straddles Al in 69 so they can simultaneously please each other orally. Believe me, Al takes full advantage of the situation to rim Madelyn's asshole, to spread her pussy wide, and to tongue-fuck her. Meanwhile, Madelyn continues to show off her world-class fellatio skills. When Madelyn is ready to move on to sex, she straddles Al in cowgirl, lowers herself down around his cock, and then thrusts her hot body up and down while stroking her clit with her fingers. Al so likes the feel of Madelyn's pussy that he returns her strokes with his own redline-speed strokes. The result? Madelyn cums for the first time during the scene! Madelyn then sucks her cum off of Al's dick using pussy-to-mouth (PTM) and then kneels in doggie (nice POV footage) for more balls-deep fucking. Later, they enjoy reverse cowgirl during which Madelyn makes great use of her sexy thrusting and grinding moves. For the remainder of the scene, Madelyn and Al again use cowgirl and reverse cowgirl to great advantage as they fuck each other with passion and gusto. In fact, Al pounds Madelyn so fucking hard that he almost cums inside her. But, he's able to pull out at the last minute so he can blast her face, fill her mouth, and splatter her breasts with his seed. Sadly, Madelyn purposefully spits out his cum. So disrespectful! Al's daydream comes to an abrupt end when Peg, Kelly, and Bud shout at him and shove his body to awaken him. Bummer.

Foreplay: Mutual stripping, kissing, masturbation, tit squeezing and fucking, caressing/groping, handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, jaw breakers, stringers, balls-gobbling, cunnilingus, finger-fucking, two-finger-fucking, clit jacking, tongue-fucking, 69, rimming.
Vaginal Positions: Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: Open mouth.

Sex rating: 4.10
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.80

What I Liked Most:

  • The production values are excellent. The location, sets, make-up, wardrobe, laugh track, and musical soundtrack are all true to the original TV series. The smoke machine effect in this "fantasy daydream" scene is particularly appropriate.
  • The acting is all completely believable and is a credit to the adult performers who were cast for their parts in this movie.
  • Madelyn is very attractive. Wow, what a nice body!
  • The musical soundtrack, especially during foreplay, is excellent.
  • Eric attacks Madelyn's tasty twat with his insatiable tongue. Damn! He likes to eat pussy as much as I do!
  • Madelyn's a damned fine cocksucker. The fellatio is made even hotter, from our perspective, by some first-class POV footage.
  • Eric and Madelyn enjoy sweet 69 during foreplay. I love 69 and am always appreciative of couples who use it in sex scenes.
  • Madelyn cums repeatedly during cowgirl.
  • Madelyn's tits look fucking fine when they dance joyfully in response to Eric's balls-deep thrusts in doggie.
  • Madelyn's generous vagina liberally coats Eric's cock with girl juice...especially during reverse. Sweet!
  • Excellent chemistry develops between Eric and Madelyn. They have an outstanding time together.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • Much of the video was shot in the quintessential porn style: oblique camera angles and jerky camera movements are the norm. I wish that porn videographers would leave these old mannerisms behind.
  • There are missing transitions between sexual positions.
  • I wish Madelyn's asshole had been fucked. I'm grateful for the rimming. But, I'd prefer balls-deep penetration.

What I Didn't Like:

  • Madelyn spits out Eric's semen at the end of the scene. Girls, spitting out a guy's cum is very disrespectful and should be avoided.

Scene 5

Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Kagney Lynn Karter, Barrett Blade

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: After Kelly, her brother Bud, and her mom Peg awaken dad Al at the end of Scene Four, Kelly, as always, begs Al for money. Uncharacteristically, Al says "yes" to all Kelly's requests...he even hands her a wad of cash so that she can buy her boyfriend a new seat for his motorcycle! Just then, Kelly hears the roar of a motorcycle engine and begs off: "Can I catch up with you later? I have to meet up with this guy (Barrett Blade)." "Kelly, you do whatever makes you happy!" replies Al. So, while Al and Peg go out to eat, Kelly heads home to her bedroom where Barrett Blade is awaiting. The two kneel on Kelly's twin bed, kiss, and caress each other while the "studio audience" cheers its approval. Within seconds, Kelly's clothes are history (they have trouble getting her blouse off because her "titties are SO big!") so that Barrett can suckle her nipples, stroke her bejeweled cunt, and slap her magnificent breasts. Soon, Kelly exclaims "WOW!" when Barrett's fully-erect dick explodes from his pants. She immediately takes his rod into her capacious mouth to suck and swallow it (nice POV footage). She also makes sexy stringers, gobbles his balls, and strokes his spit-soaked penis with her practiced hands. Barrett loves it and responds by pulling her flowing blond hair and by thrusting his cock in-and-out of her throat. And, he also shows his appreciation by going down on her pussy and giving her first-class cunnilingus and a deep finger fucking. His tongue and finger actions are so effective that he even gives her an orgasm during foreplay! Of course, if you've ever seen Kelly (Kagney Lynn) fuck, you know that she does her best to encourage her partner. For example, during cunnilingus she tells Barrett: "Treat her (her pussy) like the slut that she is!" Barrett does the lady's bidding and makes her "pussy feel good!" Seeking to make her pussy feel even better, Barrett positions Kelly in doggie, enters her from behind, and fucks the shit out of her (nice POV footage) while torrents of naughty commentary ("I love fat cock!" "Treat me like a bad little girl!" "I love my lips wrapped around a fat fucking cock!" "Pump my fucking pussy full of your cock!" "I'm a fucking cock whore!") and ecstatic moans escape her luscious lips. After a short time-out for gag-inducing deep-throat pussy-to-mouth (PTM), Kelly straddles Barrett in reverse cowgirl and lets him fuck her delectable cunt with powerful balls-deep strokes (superb close-ups). After a while, Kelly takes over the thrusting and tosses her amazing body up and down on Barrett's cock while the lucky SOB gets to lie back and enjoy the ride. Again, Kelly sucks Barrett's cock using PTM and then mounts him in cowgirl for some of the best-looking sex you'll ever see. Kelly's fucking moves defy description! And, her screaming orgasm took my breath away. After the amazing cowgirl segment, the remainder of the scene pales somewhat in comparison. That's not to say that it's passive in any way. In fact, the in-and-out action that follows in missionary is damned good. It's just that Kelly's cowgirl ride is incredible! But, Barrett really likes mish...so much so, in fact, that he nearly cums inside her. But, he's able--at the last minute--to pull out and shower Kelly's womanly belly and her tits with his cum. His load is so powerful that it even reaches from her pubic area to her wide-open mouth. She sits up so that Barrett can use his dick to smear his semen all over her body and then she sucks him dry.

Foreplay: Mutual stripping; kissing; tit sucking, slapping, and squeezing; fellatio, deep-throat, stringers, balls-gobbling, cunnilingus, finger-fucking, clit jacking and spanking.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: External belly and breasts.

Sex rating: 4.90
Video rating: 4.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.50

What I Liked Most:

  • The production values are excellent. The location, sets, make-up, wardrobe, laugh track, and musical soundtrack are all true to the original TV series.
  • The acting is all completely believable and is a credit to the adult performers who were cast for their parts in this movie. In particular, Kagney is absolutely superb as super-slut Kelly. Whew!
  • Kagney Lynn Karter! Is there any cuter pornstar in the business right now? Are there more mesmerizing eyes? Have you ever seen a finer body ride a cock? Have you ever seen a hotter genital-area piercing?
  • Incendiary chemistry develops between Kagney and Barrett. Whew!
  • Kagney is agreeably aggressive in getting what she wants from Barrett.
  • Kagney loves having her mouth stuffed with cock and shows it by her insatiable fellatio technique. Believe me, Barrett's dick never had it so good. You'll get to experience a little of Barrett's bliss through some excellent POV footage.
  • Barrett ravenously eats Kagney's bejeweled pussy. I'd give a king's ransom to be in his place right now! He expertly uses his tongue and fingers to give her the first of several orgasms she experiences during the scene.
  • Kagney is an incredibly demonstrative fuck. Her naughty words, erotic movements, and pleasure-laden coos let her partner--and us--know just how good she feels. I love girls who express their pleasure like Kagney does.
  • Barrett does his best to pleasure all of Kagney...while he fucks her, he kisses her body, caresses her magnificent flesh, pulls her hair, spanks her ass cheeks, and even mildly chokes her throat to increase her pleasure.
  • Much of the footage in doggie was shot from our POV.
  • Kagney's bouncing boobs are mesmerizing. You won't be able to take your eyes off of them...especially in reverse.
  • Kagney's fucking moves are unbelievably hot...especially in cowgirl. She's damned sexy in reverse, too.
  • Kagney's earth-shattering orgasm in cowgirl left me breathless.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • Much of the video was shot in the quintessential porn style: oblique camera angles and jerky camera movements are the norm. I wish that porn videographers would leave these old mannerisms behind.
  • There are missing transitions between sexual positions.
  • I wish Kagney's asshole had been pleasured. A little anal massage or rimming would have sufficed...anal fucking would have been much better.
  • Given Kagney's magnificent breasts, I wish that Barrett had enjoyed a little titty fucking.

Scene 6

Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Faye Reagan, Dane Cross

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: While Kelly and Barrett are upstairs fucking in her bedroom, Bud sneaks into the house with redhead Faye Reagan, who plays a hooker, in tow. Bud and Faye head straight to the living room couch where they work out the details of their transaction. Bud hands Faye, who's wearing skin-tight animal-print pants and a leave-little-to-the-imagination black mesh top, $200. Faye responds, "If you wanna lick my asshole, it's an extra $50." Bud eagerly coughs up the additional "Ulysses S. Grant" and then Faye literally pounces on lucky Bud. She helps him tear off his clothes while he basks in the pleasure of the moment. Soon, her mouth attacks his lips, his neck, and his nipples (it's not often you see a girl suck a guy's nipples) while squeezing the bulge in his jeans. She asks if he wants her to suck his cock (of course he does!) but adds a condition: "Ladies first!" Bud eagerly agrees and starts to undress her: "Hurry up," she coos, "I want it!" Once her shoes and pants are history, Faye sits on the back of the couch and lets Bud worship her feet and legs and ferociously eat her sweet and tasty pussy while simultaneously finger-fucking her vagina and stroking her sensitive clit. Faye reacts passionately and squeals with delight as Bud eats and finger-fucks her to her first orgasm of the scene. After a bit of titty play (Faye's boobs are gorgeous), Faye spends some time stoking Bud's cock with her hands before taking it into her voracious mouth. Faye's fellatio/handjob technique is so fucking hot that I'm just going to let you imagine it! As the scene continues to unfold, Faye asks, "You wanna fuck me, don't you?" "Yeah," he breathlessly replies. "How bad?" "Really bad!" "You wanna fuck me like a whore from behind?" Of course he does. So, Faye kneels on the couch, presents her pretty and very juicy genitals to Bud, and groans with pleasure as he slips his cock inside and fucks her fast and furious in doggie. Meanwhile, Faye encourages him with ecstatic moans, joyful squeals, and naughty commentary. She even fucks back forcefully as her body ramps up to another orgasm. In due course, Faye mounts and furiously fucks and grinds Bud in reverse cowgirl (nice bouncing boobs, Faye!). After a short respite for gag-inducing and spit-lubricated PTM, Faye and bud continue vaginal sex in cowgirl as Faye does nearly all the "work" while Bud lies back and enjoys the ride. Bud gets to do his share of the thrusting next as Faye lies on the couch and enjoys a vigorous orgasm-inducing pounding in missionary. After Faye climaxes, she encourages Bud to do the same: "Cum now! Gimme a big ole' load! I wanna see how much you can shoot!" Bud continues to pound Faye's cunt until he reaches the point of no return. Then, he pulls out and she quickly drops to her knees to receive his load into her mouth and onto her face and fantastic tits. She swallows and sucks him dry just as Peg and Al return home. Naked, they make a dash upstairs just in the nick of time.

Foreplay: Mutual stripping, kissing, body licking, tit squeezing, she suckles his nipples, hair pulling, caressing/groping, handjob, double-fisted handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, stringers, balls-gobbling, cunnilingus, finger-fucking, two-finger-fucking, clit jacking, foot worship.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: Open mouth; she swallows.

Sex rating: 4.85
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.70

What I Liked Most:

  • The production values are excellent. The location, sets, make-up, wardrobe, laugh track, and musical soundtrack are all true to the original TV series.
  • The acting is all completely believable and is a credit to the adult performers who were cast for their parts in this movie.
  • There are great close-ups of the in-and-out action throughout the scene. There are also very effective POV shots, too.
  • Once Dane and Faye make a financial agreement, hooker Faye takes absolute control and is aggressive in getting--and giving--maximum pleasure.
  • The cunnilingus/finger-fucking segment is excellent. Dane's technique and Faye's reaction are both explosive.
  • Faye gives a really good double-fisted handjob and does a superb job of fellatio, too (there's some super-hot POV footage). (Note that Dane is naked during the hand/blowjob in the movie while he's dressed in the linked stills.)
  • Faye's command of nasty vocabulary is very advanced and extremely effective.
  • Faye's dangling all-natural tits look absolutely stunning, especially in doggie and cowgirl.
  • Explosive chemistry develops between Faye and Dane.
  • Faye's moves, in reverse cowgirl and cowgirl, are awesome!
  • Faye's girl-juice makes Dane's cock glisten, especially in cowgirl.
  • Faye swallows Dane's load at the end of the scene! Good girl, Faye!

What Could Have Been Better:

  • Much of the video was shot in the quintessential porn style: oblique camera angles and jerky camera movements are the norm. I wish that porn videographers would leave these old mannerisms behind.
  • I wish Faye's asshole had been pleasured. A little anal massage or rimming would have sufficed...anal fucking would have been much better. What makes this deficiency extremely ironic is Dane paid up front to be able to rim Faye's asshole!
  • Given Faye's adorable breasts, I wish that Dave had enjoyed a little titty fucking.

Extras

The DVD-9 disc I reviewed contains a full motion chapter selector organized by scene; a "Select A Star" menu that allows you to jump to the scene featuring the girl of your choice; sub-menus within the "Select A Star" menu so you can select portions of a scene to watch (intro, blowjob, sex, cumshot, and so on); multiple chapters per sex scene; a 30-minute behind-the-scenes (BTS) featurette; trailers for four X-Play features; an eight-minute self-running slide show of glamour, soft, and hard photos from the movie (a nice musical soundtrack accompanies the show); and a function that allows you to replay the DVD introduction. The BTS contains video from the still photo shoots, behind-the-camera looks at the filming of the movie (you'll get to see how director Will Ryder shoots the POV footage); plot-development bloopers (Eric Swiss blows LOTS of lines!); random footage of semi-clad and naked chicks (lots of super-tight open vagina shots); on-set/impromptu interviews of the producer, director, cast, and crew; tours of the sets and props; on-set tomfoolery (Kagney's quite goofy!); planning and rehearsing the scenes (plot and sex); extra footage from the sex scenes; and after-sex clean-up. This selection of extras, which is not extraordinarily lengthy, is still quite nice. In particular, the BTS is far superior to most such features that accompany adult movies. Four stars.

Final Thoughts

The best things about Not Married With Children include:
  • the production values. As always, director Will Ryder hits the nail squarely on the head with the locations, sets, props (even period-appropriate telephones), make-up, wardrobe, and hairstyling.
  • the outstanding soundtrack, which includes well-performed and chosen music as well as a sit-com-style laugh track.
  • the extremely-appropriate "stock footage" featuring glimpses of Chicago.
  • the cast. I don't think a better cast of pornstars could have been selected to play their roles!
  • the acting. Not only do the cast members provide first-rate sex scenes, bit they also portray their "plot" roles to a tee.
  • Kagney Lynn Karter. She should have played Kelly in the original series. Wow! What a babe! What a slut! What a Kelly!
  • Faye Reagan. This adorable--and quite naughty--redhead has two of the finest breasts you'll ever see. And, her sexual performance, in Scene Six, is off the charts.
  • India Summers' body! Whew!
  • Jessica Bangkok's curves...and fine boobs!
  • the excellent POV footage that is often provided during fellatio and doggie-style sex.

Not Married With Children could have been better if:

  • the video had not been shot in the quintessential porn style. Indeed, oblique camera angles and jerky camera movements are the norm. I wish that porn videographers would leave these old mannerisms behind.
  • consistent transitioning footage had been included between all of the sexual positions.
  • there had been a greater emphasis on anal sex. There's some rimming, but not much more.
  • the outstanding breasts owned by Kagney Lynn Karter, Jessica Bangkok, and Faye Reagan had been wrapped around cocks for some titty fucking.
  • Peg (Brittany O'Connell) had gotten fucked during the movie at some point. I understand the need for Peg to masturbate at the beginning of the movie while the family was still broke and miserable. But, she should have gotten a celebratory fucking at some point after they struck it rich./

Things I didn't like about Not Married With Children include:

  • Madelyn Marie's choice to spit out Eric's semen at the end of Scene Four. Girls, spitting out a guy's cum is very disrespectful and should be avoided.

Recap
Average sex rating: 4.58
Average video rating: 4.33
Average audio rating: 4.00
Average production values rating: 4.68
Extras rating: 4.00
Bonus point(s): 2.00
Overall rating: 4.72

Legend:
X Critic Pick (4.5+ sex; 4.0+ production values; 4.5+ overall)
Highly Recommended (4.5+ sex; 4.0+ overall)
Recommended (4.0+ sex; 4.0+ overall)
Rent It (<4.00 sex; <4.00 overall)
Skip It (<3.50 sex; <4.00 overall)


Dr. Jay



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