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Ladies Of The 80's: The Lost Footage

Studio: Other » Review by The Mooninite » Review Date: 11/2/10

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

The Movie:

Antigua's Ladies Of The Eighties: The Lost Footage release promises some vintage smut footage never before seen on DVD. In typical Antigua compilation style, these are presented as clips taken from feature films, you know, those pornos that are plot based. This presents them all out of context and can sometimes make it difficult to know just what exactly is going on. That said, there's over three hours of big haired fucking here to discuss, so let's get to it...

Scene One: The disc kicks off with an orgy scene in which a girl who looks like Savannah blows Peter North while a dark haired girl and another blonde who doesn't show her face often enough to recognize suck off two other dudes. Eventually, after a few minutes or oral, the girls ride their respective guys cowgirl - all of them at the same time. From there they switch it up a bit - the dark haired girl gets fucked missionary style, Peter North spoon fucks his blonde on the floor and the other blonde rides her man for a bit too. The guys all pull out and shoot and the scene is edited in such a way as to make it look like they all came at the same time.

Scene Two: Two guys and two blondes are hanging out in a back yard. The mood hits them and after some bad dialogue, the girls get naked. Blonde number one sucks a dick and gets fucked missionary style, while blonde number two (the carpet doesn't match the drapes with this chick) sits back and fingers herself as she watches. The pulls pull out and come all over the fuckee, while the masturbator just sort of giggles. A very short scene without much chemistry.

Scene Three: Ron Jeremy calls someone on the phone but has to hang up when a cute Asian brunette who introduces herself as Shirley shows up. Ron gets his hand between her legs and rubs her pussy, and then goes down on her before fucking her missionary style. He flips her over and fucks her doggy style, and then blows his load on her ass cheeks. Another lackluster short scene, though the girl is very pretty.

Scene Four: A blonde in a Corvette who looks like Amber Lynn parks outside a mansion and then heads inside where Ron Jeremy and some other guy are sunbathing. Most people would turn and run, but nope, she's a trooper. She talks to Ron and before you know it she's inside with Ron's cock in her pussy from behind and the other dude's dick in her mouth. They pull out and finish all over her.

Scene Five: Savannah is on the phone when this scene starts but once she finishes up her conversation Christy Canyon comes in and sucks on her tits. That's pretty rad if you ask me. At any rate, the girls go at it a fair bit with Christy eating out first and then flipping Savannah over and licking her from behind while she's down on all fours. That's more or less where it ends. Like most of the scenes on this disc, it's short, but at least here there's a bit of heat.

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Scene Six: A husband comes home from the store and finds his wife horny and on the couch. They make out and another dude is eating out a brunette while she chows down on a bowl of soup (literally). The scene cuts back and forth as the soup couple heads into blowjob territory while the couch couple lands squarely in finger bang land and then pussy eating central before getting off at sixty ninth street and then stopping off at the missionary. The soup couple go at it missionary style and then doggy style, before titty fucking for a bit while the couch guys go for some cowgirl action and then some head. The soup couple ends with a pearl necklace/facial, the other couple stop half way and call it quits for some reason, after an unusually angry facial. Out of the context that the feature film this scene was culled from likely put it in, this clip is just fucking dumb.

Scene Seven: A foxy brunette in a red negligee poses for a guy who looks like John C. Reilly as Dr. Steve Brule from Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job - that's kind of disturbing, really. At any rate, the brunette is a nice piece. She works it for him and he fingers her. She's covered in glitter as she teases him on the bed, but he hops into the sack with her shortly after and she treats him to a hummer. He fucks her missionary style and then spoon style, playing with her C-cups a bit, and then she rides him reverse cowgirl style. He fucks her doggy style and then pops on the top of her ass cheeks to finish the scene.

Scene Eight: A red headed dude with a moustache makes out with a blonde chick. He's got a low rent Tom Selleck thing going on and she has big hair and bad lingerie. He sucks her big fake looking tits and she blows him before she's on her back and taking him missionary style. Her pubes look as bleached as the rest of her blonde hair. She blows him again and he comes in her mouth. He grunts and groans a lot and she sounds like she's got her mouth full, which she does. The compression artifacts make it look like she's wearing ten pounds of makeup.

Scene Nine: Ron Jeremy is a doctor. Right. Anyway, Dr. Ron finds a pretty dark haired patient on the floor and mounts her. They make out and he sucks her tits and she fingers herself until he fucks her missionary style. She rides him cowgirl and then reverse and then they go at it doggy style until Ron fires on off.

Scene Ten: A guy in red sweatpants and a green polo shirt is wearing sunglasses and reading a porno in bed. His wife comes in and he sucks her tits and eats her out. She blows him and then decides to sit on his face so her frizzy haired blond friend can take over sucking him. The girls take turns riding his cock and face and then the dark haired girl gets fucked missionary style. Blondie gets it doggy style from behind as she eats the other girl's pussy and he finishes off the scene by blowing his load all over the blonde's admittedly nice ass.

Scene Eleven: The red haired Tom Selleck guy and his blonde girlfriend are back for another round. They make out and he eats her nicely groomed pussy before she blows him. He fucks her missionary style and then she flips over to take him from behind, and then he blows his load across her ass cheeks.

Scene Twelve: A pretty blonde is stroking a dude's dick on a couch. She decides to go down on him and then another blonde chick just appears out of nowhere to help him. They trade off the oral duties and then he takes turns fucking them, going back and forth between the two girls while they play with one another and eat each other out. He pulls out and blows his load on the second girl's belly. This scene is interesting in that at least the girls seem into one another, adding some heat to what is otherwise a pretty standard three way scene.

Scene Thirteen: In a dimly lit room a creepy guy seduces a moderately attractive blonde. It works, and she sucks his dick while he fingers her as another couple watch from the closet. She's got nice tits and a fun chubby ass that bounces well when she rides him cowgirl style. He flips her over and fucks her from behind, and then missionary style before pulling out and coming on her stomach. In an ace move, she leaves her white fringe leather cowboy boots on the entire time.

Scene Fourteen: A blonde with a mullet and flat tits sucks face with a tough looking guy who eats her out and fingers her box before slipping his prick into her mouth. She gives him some pretty enthusiastic head before riding him cowgirl style, and then he briefly fucks her missionary style before she pulls him out and sucks him to a finish all over her face. At least she smiles at the end, and she does seem to be having some fun here which is always nice to see.

Scene Fifteen: The Corvette girl who might be Amber Lynn from earlier is back, blowing a guy with dark hair and a moustache and then moving into a sixty-nine with him. She rides him cowgirl style and then he fucks her doggy style for a few minutes before flipping her onto her back and mounting her for some missionary style deep dicking. She leaves her thigh-high leather boots on. They go at it cowgirl style and then spoon fuck for a few and he ends the scene by shooting his load across her belly.

Scene Sixteen: A blonde chick has tripped in some shirtless hillbilly's backyard. He finds her and decides to revive her by putting her in his pool. This seems to work and when she wakes up she pays him back for saving her life with a nice blowjob. He returns the oral favors and then they fuck missionary style at the side of the pool. He sits down for a bit and she rides him while he fingers her clit, after which he flips her over and fucks her from behind. He pulls out and shoots his load on her, ending the scene and the disc.

Generally this compilation is pretty bad. As an avowed fan of eighties porn, it was hard even for this writer to get into things here. Nothing has any context so the scene transitions are jarring at best. On top of that, the crappy video quality makes it hard to appreciate the finer details of some of the better looking ladies that appear (and there are quite a few here). It's just all very poorly put together and of unimpressive quality.

The Video:

This material is all from the eighties shot on video era so it looks soft throughout. For whatever reason, skin tones tend to look very orange, giving everyone an overly tanned look that doesn't do the collection any favors at all. Look for tape roll aplenty and except pretty mediocre video quality throughout. In Antigua's defense, you can't make an old tape source look like something that it's not, but some color correction would have gone a long way here. On top of that, the compression artifacts are horrendous, rendering everything into a blocky mess and honestly making some of the performers tough to recognize. This transfer is bad... really bad.

The Audio:

The English language Dolby Digital Mono audio is pretty unremarkable but it gets the job done. You won't have any problems understanding the dialogue or following the setups even if there is a bit of hiss in the mix from time to time.

The Extras:

This disc is completely barebones. It's got a static menu with a squished version of the photo you see on the cover and a 'Play Movie' button on it - that's it. No chapter menu, no trailers, no still gallery, nothing!


The video quality stinks, the audio isn't much better, and the disc doesn't even offer scene selection. Honestly, the Ladies Of The Eighties deserved better than this. Some of these girls are in fine form here but this disc does them no justice at all, making it easy to slap fast and hard with the SKIP IT stamp.

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