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This Ain't The Bachelor XXX


Studio: Hustler Video » Review by Apache Warrior » Review Date: 12/10/10



XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

Genre: Parody

Director: Stuart Canterbury

Cast: Alanah Rae, Heather Starlet, Kayla Paige, Bailey Brooks, Melissa Jacobs, Sabrina Maree, Summer Brielle Taylor, Chris Johnson, Dale DeBone

Length: 117 minutes

Date of Production: 2010

Extras: The highlight of the special features section is the very good sixteen minute Behind the Scenes segment. Alanah Rae's interview is insightful. In Chris Johnson's interview, he talks about his enjoyment of sky-diving and his scenes in the movie.  A nice looking photo gallery is also included. Six Hustler trailers, web information, phone sex ads, and a Free Speech Coalition public message round out this section.  

Condoms: None

-- sponsored by --

Audio/Video Quality: The audio and video quality are very good. This film is shot in High Definition.

Overview: This Ain't the Bachelor XXX is a parody of the very popular network television reality show. Chris Johnson is the bachelor who has seven very beautiful eligible ladies to choose from. The bevy of beauties are a good group and will provide good eye candy for the audience. The director Stuart Canterbury has had good results with critics and fans with his parody films such as This Ain't Apprentice XXX and This Ain't Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX.      

Scene One: During their stroll outdoors, a naked Alanah Rae begins to suck Chris Johnson's meaty plaything with good determination and focus. The camera shots of her oral work is solid. It gets the viewer turned-on well. Some nice looking titty fucking action occurs in between blow jobs. When the 69 activity is shown, both sides of the action gets good coverage. Alanah continues to be very fond of his manhood. Then, she bounces on it reverse cowgirl style. The activity is mild in tone and energy. Their fuck session continues with this mood as she rides him while facing him. However, the fuck from behind has a bit more energy as Chris fucks her harder and with more determination. As a matter of fact, the scene becomes more exciting. Finally, he pulls out and cums on her mouth and tits. It is important to note that the best moments are Alanah's cocksucking actions though.

Scene Two: Summer Brielle Taylor plays with herself on the bed as she fantasizes about the bachelor Chris Johnson. Her body movements add good stimulation to the scene for the audience. The romantic background music is effective as the attractive woman in lingerie plays with her titties and pretty pussy. Her lovely body is a major turn-on and eye candy. The camera movement also adds to the sexiness of the scene. Unfortunately, when the toy play is added, the sexy nature of her performance is lost. However, the energy level does rise as she fucks herself in a more rapid manner. Overall, it's a good scene, but it's way too long. 

Scene Three: Bailey Brooks is seen sucking Dale DaBone's lucky boner under the stars. Her demeanor looks gleeful and horny. Her mood continues in the same manner as she is fucked by the man. The intensity level rises as she rubs her clit and the camera focuses on their penile-vaginal fucking area. The missionary moments really heighten the excitement level and her joy. More intense moments occur during the doggie action. Her performance keeps the viewer's attention well. Her facial expressions are quite memorable. Then, he jacks off on her mouth.

Scene Four: Sabrina Maree and Melissa Jacobs make out in a soapy tub as Chris Johnson watches on. The titty play is very hot even though the soap suds are gone for the most part. The energy level rises as soon as one of them sucks the other's juicebox from behind her. When it's time for the other lady to display her talents, her technique is very sensual and sweet. The ladies are completely enjoying themselves as they laugh several times. Afterwards, they sit on the edge of the tub and finger their own love tunnels while staring at each other. Their hot bodies and efforts make this scene a good replay value moment. Next, a glass dildo is used to fuck one of the beautiful women. Meanwhile, there are some breast caresses and pussy rubbing. A purple toy is then used to fuck the other lady's sugar walls. It's not too lengthy though. Then, they kiss to end their very good scene. 

Scene Five: Heather Starlet, Kayla Paige, and Chris Johnson make out at the mansion after their date. The titty sucking activity looks sweet. The kissing activity by the women looks sexy. Then, the ladies orally suck his manhood at the same time. The tight shots of their actions are hot. Next, Heather sits on his face briefly while the other blond continues to orally massage his well-pampered dick. Thus far, it's their double pleasuring of his cock that is the highlight to this scene. Later, the women switch positions and roles as Heather solely works on his meaty plaything. Later, Heather is riding his cock while Kayla continues to sit on his face. The energy level rises a bit. Next, the guy fucks Kayla from behind while the ladies are in 69 position with Heather on the bottom. The intensity factor increases. Once in a while, Heather sucks his cock. Afterwards, Heather gets fucked on her back while she sucks Kayla's sex spot.  More screwing action follows as he fucks both women for a while. This scene is the best performance in this film by far. He finally shoots his load on Heather's sexual playground while Kayla is underneath her.    

Final Thoughts: Despite having good sex performances, this bachelor film is still a disappointment for those fans of the tv show. There is not sufficient interaction between the bachelor and his ladies to create solid quality storylines before the sexual activity takes place. Some of them are too brief. I would had liked to have seen them with more substance such as the incident with Bailey Brooks. Nevertheless, this film is still a rental based on the solid sexual performances and Bailey Brooks' most memorable scene.


Apache Warrior

Apache W
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http://twitter.com/apachewarrior  



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