So Jewels tries to fix a car with a pipe wrench. Stroking her beard with her man hands, she agrees to fix Gracie’s car as long as she gets a little tail.
Cars have pipes, don't they?
Jewels has some pretty fantastic and gigantic fake tits.
Well if you're gonna get fake tits, those are the fake tits to get. Dayum!
Gracie’s skirt is ill-fitting, and I wonder why.
She does rock some cute little heart panties! I can has?!
Lots of pussy licking and fingering follows, and then there’s some glass dildo action. Gracie licks it off and suddenly it’s out with the power tools!
Yeah, OK, it’s a dildo on a drill. I am sure that is completely safe. Anyway, Jewels is wanting some drill action, and so Gracie gives it to her with some rimming to start things off right.
Y'know what every girl dreams of? Plastic spinning inside her cunt at 1000rpms.
Drills are loud.
Next, Gracie gets some hot pink drill action!
Since Jewels seems to have an endless supply of toys, we move on to big strap-on dick action.
Jewels then throws naked cheerleader out and goes back to pipe wrenchin’ her car.
Aiden Ashley and Diana Prince
Aiden is apparently late for work while Diana Prince softly rubs the keyboard.
Sluts don't need to actually type. Or have their monitors turned on.
Diana wants to fire Aiden, but Aiden figures she can “talk” Diana out of it.
They lick and finger each other for a bit, and then a series of small dildos come out. Next there’s a purple strap-on.
-- sponsored by --
Not as hot as it should be, really.
At the end, Aiden is just as fired and I am just as bored.
Nikki Brooks and Tanya Tate
So Nikki is a hot masseuse who shops at Ikea, and she is massaging one Miss Tanya Tate. Hilariously, Nikki oils up her magnificent tits and then rubs them all over Tanya’s ass.
This had to have been a GUY'S idea...
And then she rubs them on her front side.
It's ok Tanya, I'd be laughing too. Wtf I don't even.
One kiss, and we’re off to pussy licking!
Nikki’s boobs are hot and natural. I am loving her tits.
Tanya does not know how to use a dildo properly… or she’s one of those crazy people who thinks girls can only cum by being super gentle.
OK, but no! Because then Tanya uses a dildo on her, and Nikki tries to school her on good dildo-banging action. Sadly, Tanya does not pick up on it.
They kiss, and extremely unattractive zoom in! Boo.
I would like to find the guy who pioneered the "to end a porn scene, zoom in until you see pores" trope and stab him in the eye with an icepick.
Roxanne Hall and Tori Black
Roxanne and Tori are doing some yoga, and it is not as hot as the camera guy thinks it is.
What do you mean you're not turned on? They're LUNGING!
Tori starts off with some ass licking, and then there are some odd camera angles and more butt licking. There is some more odd positioning with glass dildos, and then Tori has a pink strap-on.
Next, out comes the magic wand! Roxanne uses it on Tori and now there’s some real orgasms!
There is a reason they are called MAGIC, people.
Once Tori has had her fun, she uses it on Roxanne. Hot!
And then they have a shower together.
Amia Miley (we’ll call her munchkin) and Lisa Ann
So Munchkin here is getting berated by Lisa Ann. Lisa tries to fire her, but of course she will do ANYTHING to keep her job.
Lisa Ann of course helps herself to the physical assets Munchkin possesses.
Well this part is all right...
Some licking and fingering, and then some glass dildos. Next, out comes a really enormous double ended dildo. Predictably, as with most double dildos, absolutely nothing is really happening while they’re both using it.
...but not so much this part.
A kiss, and we’re done!
Bonus scene with Nikki Benz and Tanja James. This is listed as “Bonus Core with Nikki Benz and Tanya James from Self Service #2.” Not sure what that’s about. It’s really just two girls masturbating next to each other with fingers and then dildos, and then vibrators. One of these two is serious about cumming and uses a Magic Wand. The other uses a comparitively comically small and weak piece of crap. LOL.
There is a “stroke selection” which is actually just scene selection (what a "bonus!").
The "cutting room floor” bonus is just 30 minutes of behind-the-scenes interviews.
Pics from the shoots (which are REALLY small)
The good: The Roxanne Hall/Tori Black scene is very good, once they get to the Magic Wand. For the most part the ladies are attractive and pretty, and some of the pussy licking (especially by Gracie Glam) is enthusiastic.
The bad: When you see real orgasms from the Magic Wand, it drives home the point of just how BAD all the fake orgasms and noises are in every other place in the movie. More real, less faking please. Also the MILF/teen aspect isn't really here. The age differences don't appear to be that great, the "teens" don't look that young and the "MILFs" don't look that MILFy.
FINAL GRADE: C
I approve of the magic wand-style raw orgasms, but the rest is mostly your standard faked-for-porn fare.