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Official Sons of Anarchy Parody

Studio: Diabolic » Review by Crimson Clown » Review Date: 5/26/11

XCritic's Advice: Highly Recommended

Official Sons of Anarchy Parody is really just more biker porn that you'd be better off looking past the title for. There's no real Ron Perlman look a likes or attempts at a narrative nor are there any Katy Segal parody porn stars in this piece, it's merely a display for the Charlie Hunnam look alike to flex his stuff and do his thang. And he does his thang all over the place. Not to say this is a bad porno, because it's not. I'm merely making the implication that the title is pretty inconsequential when it comes to the experience, which is merely more biker fetish porn, in the end. I love biker fetish porn, I think it's some of the best around mainly because I have a fetish for women in black leather and tattoos. And something about people fucking in on and around the curves of a Harley is hot. The Official Sons of Anarchy Parody features a lot of references to the show that I'm not fully aware of so much of the little nods went way over my head. But this is porn first and a parody second and the porn works and it works sufficiently.

Darla Crane
First up to the gate is the gorgeous Darla Crane, the cougar that I'm assuming is our Katey Segal. Our resident Ron Perlman wannabe is having trouble playing pool with shakey hands and she comes to talk him down off his anger son Jax (Hah, I got one character name right), and she figures the only remedy is a good blow job. Darla Crane is the oldest of the group and she looks incredible doing what she does best in her performance. After a quick back rub, she goes down on her hubby making out with him and pulling out his cock to suck on it right on the pool table. After titty fucking her for a few minutes, he plants her on the table and eats her pussy out right proper making her cry out and flex her long legs with every tongue lashing. He finally enters her fucking her wide spread, and then pounds her from behind. Ramming her perfectly, he finally finishes off on her tits.

Daisy Cruz

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Daisy Cruz is called in to see Jax's Hammy after her gets in to a vicious argument with his old man. He falls flat drunk and demands to be seen by Ms. Cruz and she obliges with her barely coherent dialogue. She turns him over to suck his cock revealing a body tat that is too hot to ignore. Granted the girl can barely deliver a line to set up the scene, but she goes down on Jax well. Revealing her tan and toned body and gorgeous large tits, she mounts him and sucks him long and hard as he groans watching her from afar. Trying not to fall off the bar, she strolls over (in high heels no less!) and mounts him backward cowgirl to take it up the pooper. Riding him fast and hard, she cries out taking it deep, and as Jax feasts on her tits, he drills her from the side as she groans and moans with every thrust. Planting her against the bar, he fucks her with one leg in the air, and finally bows her down to finish off on her face much to her delight.

Good Cop Bad Cop is different in the porn world.

Anne Marierios
Anne Marierios looks damn good in a tweed suit and I'm assuming she plays the friend of Jax who is a cop. Not the other one but the girl one who likes him in the show. Sue me, I don't know the series too well. She's interrogating a scraggly looking biker about the drug deal Jax is suspected of taking part in and she decides after a long endless line of questioning she'd tempt her biker suspect in to fucking her and giving her the answers she wants. She even takes off every part of her clothing tossing them in to the camera. She spreads wide for him and he bows down to her clit eating her pussy as she moans, and zealously tears off his pants to reveal his large cock which he happily slips in to her pussy much to her surprise. She cries out, gripping the table and screeches with every thrust in her pussy taking the pounding with a pain that is quite the turn on. She bends over to suck his cock, and leans down to take it up her ass from her suspect, groaning and crying out with every pounding. She mounts him on the table riding him cowgirl style and cries out with every painful pounding, writhing as he finishes off her on inner thighs. What's interesting about this segment is that Marierios seems to really love the fuck she takes part in and that makes it the best of the bunch.

Tori Lux
Ash Hollywood is being looked out for the local town sheriff. The town sheriff I presume is in the show? After some creative and hilarious one-liners from Jax's two whores, Jax agrees to talk to Ash Hollywood leaving Tori Lux behind with the sheriff. This one is strictly for comedic purposes as the sheriff sits down beside Tori guiding her on how to sit lady like while she grins goofily and spreads her hole for him asking "Do you want to fuck?" He can barely turn her down. And with her gorgeous face and hilarious delivery of one liners, who can turn down that offer? She bends over waving her gorgeous butt in the air and sucks him off, jerking him with gusto as he licks her hole and loves every second. After mounting him reverse cowgirl, she goes to town on the sheriff, riding him long and wild, bouncing high in the air to take his cock in her hole, moaning and groaning as he weathers her pussy balancing her adamantly. After some more blow from Lux, She rides him cowgirl with her ass flashing the camera, and one finger in her pooper. She bends down to suck him off and he orders her to bend over along the couch. From there on in he gives her a jolly fuck from behind making her cry out and groan, dropping to the floor to fuck her ass along the rug. After some more reverse cowgirl and fucking from behind, the sheriff finishes off on her face.

Ash Hollywood
If it's hot in here, it's only because this is a goddamn good porno. Ash Hollywood looks goddamn good in this movie, with short blond hair and a husky voice that signals the pipes of a good cock sucker. Jax, after giving her a stern talking to, throws himself on her begging to fuck her as she turns him down revealing she's dating his best friend Opie from the club. But that doesn't deter Jax who kisses her petite tits and lips as she groans barely resisting him as he provides and onslaught of kisses on her. After a brief makeout session, they land on the couch tearing each other's clothes off and Jax eventually descends in to her pussy where he eats her out and fingers her zealously while she spreads for him. He finally unclothes and she bends down to suck his cock off nice and slow. After some more blowjob from her, he bends her over to grease her hole with his tongue and takes it in to her pussy from behind fucking her hard and fast. After more sucking she mounts him cowgirl and takes it up her pussy riding him fast and hard while he spanks her cute ass. After jackhammering her from below, he gets her from behind, and finally finishes off on her face.

The audio flat out sucks. There is a moment right in the opening where the sound is so flat you can't hear anything happening between the characters and that stinks considering this is a parody of a dialogue heavy series. I couldn't understand a damn think Darla Crane was saying and it gets no better throughout the remainder of the movie. The sound is awful in this movie and fades in and out like a cam bootleg. The video is nice and crisp with colors coming through with clarity, it's just a shame the audio isn't as crystal clear.

There's a five minute behind the scenes interview with the cast including folks like Tori Lux and Ash Hollywood who simply goof around on the set discussing Christmas. I presume the shoot took place during Christmas due to the heavy talk about the holiday during the five minute featurette. In the same league there's a gallery of stills from the movie and a pop shots gallery from all five segments.

This is simply more biker fetish porn masquerading as a parody, but that doesn't mean it isn't a damn good time to be had by all. With the gorgeous women and the steamy fuck scenes, "The Official Sons of Anarchy Parody" is a great porno that turned me on mostly thanks to Darla Crane who manages to outshine most of the women in the film. Sorry girls, but it's true.

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