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Home Improvement XXX - A Parody


Studio: Adam & Eve » Review by Dr. Jay » Review Date: 6/7/11


XCritic's Advice: XCritic Pick

Genre: Feature
Director: David Lord
Cast:Charisma Cappelli, Jay Ashley, Alexis Ford, Syren De Mer, Anthony Rosano, India Summer, Danny Wylde, Brynn Tyler, Seth Gamble, Randy Spears.
Must-See Girls in Cast: None.
Length: 01:58
Condoms: None.
Bonus: One bonus star for condom-free sex.

Synopsis

Home Improvement XXX is an extremely well made parody of the classic TV program with a similar name. The movie is set a few years after the TV show ended and several milestones have occurred: Tool Times is celebrating its 100th episode, the Taylor boys are all out of the house and in college, "Jim" and "Jillian" are empty-nesters and their sex life has lost its pizzazz, and "Jim's" TV sidekick "Sal" is finally going to get laid. On the other hand, some things never change..."Jim" always does crazy and dangerous projects on Tool Time and "Sal" is always the brunt of "Jim's" words and practical jokes.

Home Improvement XXX was directed by David Lord who did a commendable job keeping with the original TV show's look and feel. The sets--including the Tool Times set and the Taylor's home sets--were built with an attention to detail that is simply not evident in other sitcom parodies. They even had special Tool Times and Sinford Tools banners made for the set and T-shirts made for the audience members, and, of course, the gorgeous blond Tool Times girl Alexis Ford. There's even a wood picket fence between the Taylor's yard with the wise and insightful you-know-who on the other side. The director and crew even go so far as to make sure that we never see "Milson's" face...even when he fucks sweet Alexis Ford!

Several story lines populate the movie. Of course, there are clips of several episodes of Tool Times being filmed (including the 100th episode that features Alexis jumping out of a "cake"), there's some tension between "Jim" and "Jillian" because their sex life sucks, the boys come home from college to spend a week, oldest son "Chad" hooks up with the horny MILF next door; middle son "Andy" gets back together with his home-town girlfriend, and gay youngest son "Marcus" comes out of the closet. All of these themes are woven together nicely into a nice plot that ties together five "A grade" sex scenes.

Speaking of the sex, plaid-wearing bachelor "Sal" gets to fuck busty Tool Times groupie Charisma Cappelli; "Jim" and "Jillian" form a threesome with Tool Times girl Alexis, "Chad" fucks his mom's high school bff India Summers, "Andy" and his ex-girlfriend Brynn Tyler get back together and make love in his old bedroom, and neighbor Alexis Ford gives "Milson" the ride of his long and fruitful life. Although Scene Two--the threesome--is definitely the hottest of the movie, all the scenes are top notch.

Bottom line? This is my all-time favorite comedy sitcom parody. It rocks and definitely belongs in your library. XCritic Pick!

Check out some photos of the girls in Home Improvement XXX here. Pay particular attention to the photos of the adorable Alexis Ford and busty MILF Syren De Mer! Enjoy!

Review

Note to readers: My reviews are provided in two parts. This web page provides you with an overview of the scene's setup and action as well as my ratings for sex, video, audio, and production values. A separate PDF document checklist details the foreplay activities, positions, pops, and features of each scene...as well as the calculation of each scene's ratings. The checklist for Home Improvement XXX can be accessed here.

Look for scenes and movies with a 4.5 or higher (A) sex rating and at least 4.0 (B) in video, audio, and production values. Those are my favorite scenes and I'm quite certain that you'll like them, too.

Scene 1

Scene Type: Boy/girl.
Performers: Charisma Cappelli, Jay Ashley.

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: After the taping of the 100th episode of Tool Times, Charisma Cappelli, one of the female members of the audience and proudly wearing a "Sinford" tools T-shirt, boldly joins Jay Ashley (who plays "Sal") on the set and introduces herself. Charisma confesses that she's a big fan of his and is thrilled to meet him. As the two chat for a bit, Charisma observes: "You're the real reason why women tune in to the show. They like to masturbate while watching you!" Wow! Talk about flattery! Of course, "Sal" eats it up and blurts out: "Have you ever had sex on a television set before?" "No," she replies, "but I'm always willing to try something new...especially if you're the one teaching me."

As you might expect, Jay leans in for a kiss and enjoys swapping tongues with horny Charisma while she, in return, strokes his plaid shirt with her perfectly manicured hands. Soon, they're stripping off each other's clothes--right there, on the set and in front of a cheering audience! Once Jay's cock is free from the confinement of his pants, Charisma takes it all the way down her throat for some first-class--and very slobbery--fellatio that's accompanied by stringers, balls suckling, and skillful handjob action. Once Charisma has Jay's cock ready to roll, he repays her by sitting her in a chair, spreading her legs wide, and then burying his lucky face between her legs. Charisma coos with delight while Jay ravenously eats her pussy.

Sex begins in reverse cowgirl when Charisma straddles Jay and inches her tight pussy down around his rock-hard cock as he sits back in an on-set easy chair. Once her pussy as swallowed his entire rod, Charisma then enthusiastically bounces up-and-down to fuck Jay's cock fast and balls-deep (nice close-ups). Of course, her hugely-enhanced tits dance joyfully in reaction to her moves. Next, after a break for slobbery pussy-to-mouth, Charisma again mounts Jay--this time in cowgirl--and fucks him relentlessly as she screams through an intense orgasm. After Charisma cums, they move into doggie so that Jay can ream her powerfully from behind until he's ready to pop. When he can no longer hold back, he pulls out of her pussy and, after she moves into position at his feet, he jacks off all over her face as applause thunders from the audience. As she milks him dry, she begs: "Can I come see you again?" "Absolutely," he replies to raucous applause.

Foreplay: Stripping, mutual stripping, kissing, hair pulling, tit sucking and squeezing, cunnilingus, fellatio, deep-throat, stringers, balls-suckling.
Vaginal Positions: Cowgirl (she cums), reverse cowgirl, standing doggie.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Yes.
Pop: Facial (closed mouth)

Sex rating: 4.75
Video rating: 4.00
Audio rating: 4.50
Production values rating: 4.40

What I Liked Most:

  • The Tool Times set is remarkably reminiscent of the one used on the sitcom. The "Sinford" signs and banners are a hoot as is Charisma's "Sinford" T-shirt...that's well-filled by her magnificent and proud tits.
  • The plot development leading up to this scene is excellent. The acting and storyline well mimic that in the TV series and the performers--all of whom are porn guys and gals--do a very nice job playing their parts and delivering their roles.
  • Charisma has a great body that's accentuated with a few tasteful tattoos including one, above her genitals, that proclaims: "Daddy's Little Girl." I particularly like her huge and perky tits, which are to die for. You'll want to suckle, fuck, and worship them in every way you can. You'll also enjoy watching them bounce joyfully while she fucks Jay.
  • Charisma is delightfully assertive in going after "Sal." She wants him so bad and gets what she wants.
  • Delightful chemistry develops between Charisma and Jay. This is especially evident by their eye contact shared when Jay greedily eats Charisma's pussy during foreplay.
  • Charisma's blowjob technique features all-the-way-down deep-throating as well as lots of slobber and stringers.
  • Charisma's fucking and grinding moves are excellent. You'll especially enjoy seeing her work her magic in reverse cowgirl. Her outstanding moves do their magic on her when she fucks herself through an orgasm in cowgirl.
  • Charisma's pussy gets so wet that rivers of her girl juice flow down her leg during doggie.
  • Charisma inflames Jay's lust with her naughty words and screams of pleasure. She's quite a demonstrative fuck!
  • The sex gets hot and sweaty.
  • There are some extremely fine close-up shots of the action. The shot-from-below camera angles are excellent, too...especially during the blowjob.
  • The musical soundtrack, presented in Surround Sound, is quite good. So is the "laugh track."

What Could Have Been Better:

  • Jay should have fucked Charisma's tits. Wouldn't you fuck these?
  • I wish some attention had been paid to Charisma's asshole. Assholes need lovin' too! At the very least, there should have been some rimming or anal massage.
  • Jay's beard is so fake looking that it's quite awful.
  • The video suffers from many of the same issues that I'm always fuming about: an overabundance of oblique camera angles, missing transitions between sexual positions, and an occasional loss of continuity caused by unexpected edits.

Scene 2

Scene Type: Boy/girl/girl
Performers: Alexis Ford, Syren De Mer, Anthony Rosano

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Since the kids have gone off to college, leaving them to become empty nesters, sex has grown stale between "Jim" (Anthony Rosano) and "Jillian (Syren De Mer)." So, in true Home Improvement style, "Jim" goes to the fence that separates his backyard from his neighbor's and, speaking over the fence, asks his friend, "Milson," for advice. "Jim" tells "Milson" that he's been having dreams about nailing the Tool Times girl (Alexis Ford). "Milson," played by veteran porn stud Randy Spears, soothes "Jim's" anxieties and offers sage wisdom: "Maybe you should ask "Jillian" to spice things up a bit."

As the plot unfolds, we learn that "Jillian" is also tired of her stale love life. "Jillian" shares her concerns with her sexy MILF girlfriend "Karen" (played by India Summer). "Karen" confesses that her love life is quite complete because she's kept up all night by younger guys: "It's like discovering the fountain of youth!" As the girls continue to chat, "Karen" tells "Jillian" that "Jim" will eventually spill his guts. "Take my advice, when he does...go with it. It's a lot easier than fighting it." The girls' conversation is eventually interrupted when "Jim" returns home followed by the three boys ("Andy," "Chad," and "Marcus") who come home to spend a week with their parents. MILF "Karen" takes one look at "Chad" (Danny Wylde) and knows who's going to be keeping her up all night (see Scene Three).

Armed with advice from "Karen," "Jillian" is more than willing to go along with "Jim" when he suggests that they have a threesome: "I want you to bring another woman into this bedroom." "Sounds good!" exclaims "Jillian." She even suggests that they invite Alexis. Score! "Jim" agrees to ask Alexis the following day and to let "Jillian" know if she should meet them on at the studio. "You know," observes "Jillian," "I've always wanted to fuck you on that set."

As you might expect, Alexis readily agrees to a threesome. So, "Jim" changes the day's project so that they build a very solid bed during the program. "Jillian," dressed in a trench coat covering sexy lingerie, arrives on the set, checks out the bed's heavy-duty construction, and exclaims: "This is going to be so much fun!" On cue, Alexis arrives on set, sheds her trench coat to reveal her sexy lingerie and drop-dead body, and growls, "Are you ready? I've been waiting to get me hands on your tool ever since I started!"

Alexis boldly approaches Anthony and starts to undress him. But, Anthony has other ideas and suggests the two girls get started first. "No problem, boss man!" replies Alexis. Alexis begins by removing Syren's coat and then moves in for sensuous kissing and caressing while Anthony watches like a little boy in a candy store. He even directs his wife to "grab her ass, honey." As the girls undress each other, caress wantonly, and suckle each other's tits, Anthony joins in, spanks some fine ass, and buries his happy face between Syren's butt cheeks for some hot and savory rimming and cunnilingus. Meanwhile, the girls inflame each other with very flattering and suggestive conversation. Foreplay also includes a love train as Syren ravenously eats Alexis' bejeweled pussy while Anthony eats Syren's cunt and rims her asshole from behind as she kneels in doggie. Both girls feel fantastic! And, Anthony's pussy- and ass-eating fantasies sure as hell come true.

Sex begins in spoon when Anthony slides his rod into Alexis' vagina and pounds it frantically to orgasm while Syren helps out by suckling Alexis' tits, by kissing her mouth, and sucking Alexis' juices off of Anthony's cock. Alexis loves it, squeals with delight, fingers her own clit, and talks nasty. During this segment, Anthony worships Alexis' feet with his mouth.

As multi-orgasmic sex continues, Syren rides Anthony--and cums volcanically--in reverse cowgirl (Alexis rides Anthony's face and performs pussy-to-mouth on his cock; she also plays with Syren's fine body and jacks her clit); Alexis gets fucked at redline speed by Anthony's cock in cowgirl (she cums again); and Anthony reams Syren to orgasm in missionary.

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During missionary, Anthony reaches the point of no return, pulls out at the last second, and splatters his load onto Syren's firm and lovely belly. The crowd goes wild, especially when Alexis bends down, slurps up Anthony's semen, and eats it. And, Syren goesagain wild when Anthony goes down on her pussy to lick it clean.

This is a fucking great scene.

Foreplay: Stripping, mutual stripping, kissing, caressing/fondling, tit sucking and squeezing, cunnilingus, finger fucking, boy-on-girl rimming.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary (Syren cums), cowgirl (Alexis cums), reverse cowgirl (Syren cums), spoon (Alexis cums), face fucking (both Alexis and Syren cum while fucking Anthony's face).
Anal Positions: Rimming (only)
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: Exterior abdomen. Alexis slurps up the cum and eats it.

Sex rating: 5.00 (points actually total 5.075)
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 4.50
Production values rating: 4.70

What I Liked Most:

  • The Taylor's house and backyard sets are remarkably reminiscent of those used on the sitcom. Even the oft-used backyard fence that separates the Taylor's yard from "Milson's" is spot on.
  • The plot development leading up to this scene is excellent. The acting and storyline well mimic that in the TV series and the performers--all of whom are porn guys and gals--do a very nice job playing their parts and delivering their roles.
  • Syren is one magnificent MILF. Take a look at this body! In addition to her formidable sexual talents, Syren is also a very adept actress and plays her "naughty" mom role to a tee.
  • Alexis Ford's fine body is often the topic of my commentary when I review Adam and Eve movies. She looks especially nice in this scene. And, as always, her genital piercing adds an inch to my erection.
  • The girls develop incendiary chemistry with each other. They really enjoy going after each other...and Anthony, of course.
  • The girls' excellent chemistry results in volcanic girl-on-girl action while one of them gets her pussy stuffed by Anthony's cock.
  • Anthony fucks the girls' pussies balls-deep at redline speed.
  • Syren's fucking moves--especially during reverse cowgirl and when she fucks Anthony's face--are hot and sexy.
  • Alexis sits on--and fucks--Anthony's face while Syren rides his cock in reverse. He eats her pussy and rims her asshole.
  • The girls perform two-girls-on-one-dick pussy-to-mouth on Anthony's lucky penis during breaks in the in-and-out action. They also work together to jerk his mammoth rod.
  • The trio forms a love triangle when Alexis fucks Anthony's cock in cowgirl while kissing and suckling Syren, who's riding Anthony's face.
  • Anthony takes time to eat the girls' pussies during respites in the in-and-out action.
  • Syren's pussy gets so damned wet that it makes Anthony's pistoning cock gleam.
  • Both girls are loud and demonstrative. There's no doubt that their pleasure is real and plentiful.
  • Both girls cum repeatedly. For me, a female orgasm junkie, their untold pleasure was like heaven on earth. Syren even makes herself climax by fucking Anthony's face.
  • After Anthony pops onto Syren's abdomen, Alexis sucks up is cums and swallows it.
  • The musical soundtrack, presented in Surround Sound, is quite good. So is the "laugh track."
  • The close-ups are excellent.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • Anthony should have fucked Syren's tits. Wouldn't you fuck these?
  • I wish Alexis had squirted during this scene.
  • I wish more attention had been paid to the girls' assholes. I appreciate the rimming, but some actual penetration would have been much better.
  • The video suffers from many of the same issues that I'm always fuming about: an overabundance of oblique camera angles and missing transitions between sexual positions.

Scene 3

Scene Type: Boy/girl.
Performers: India Summer, Danny Wilde.

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: While "Jim" and "Jillian" are on the Tool Times stage fucking Alexis, the boys stay at home and watch a movie. After it's over, "Andy" and "Marcus" head up to bed while "Chad" remains on the couch in front of the TV. Meanwhile, "Jillian's" friend "Karen" (India Summer) sneaks into the Taylor house intending to have her way with "Chad" (Danny Wylde). India surprises Danny who, in shock, asks "What are you doing here?" Boldly, India sits next to Danny on the couch, caresses his chest, and coos: "You've grown into quite a gorgeous young man. It's really hard to keep my hands off you. You don't mind, do you?" Amazed at his good fortune, Danny replies, "Are you serious? I've fantasized about you ever since last summer when we were at that swimming trip." After the two agree to keep secret what is about to transpire, Danny grabs a handful of India's ass and squeezes it while she leans in for a passionate open-mouthed kiss and asks: "Are you good at taking instruction from an older woman?" "Yes, madam," he replies.

Definitely the aggressor, India takes the lead in stripping off Danny's--and then her--clothes. They continue to kiss for a bit and then India attacks Danny's extremely long cock with her talented mouth and hands. Meanwhile, he squeezes handfuls of her ass cheeks and her dangling all-natural small breasts. He strokes her clit, too. As foreplay unfolds, India whispers: "I want you to bury your face between my legs!" "Whatever you want," he replies. As Danny greedily licks and strokes India's labia and clit, she shouts: "Oh, my God. That's fucking great!" In reaction to her mounting pleasure, she pulls his hair, gives him explicit instructions (she even tells him to stroke his cock for her), and squeals with delight as he eats her through her first orgasm of the scene.

After India climaxes, she tells Danny to "slide your cock in." She spends a bit more time sucking and lubricating his rod with her mouth and then mounts him in reverse cowgirl so that he can do her bidding. After he's deep inside her, she briefly fucks him and then he takes over...pounding her relentlessly at redline speed while she encourages him with a torrent of nasty commentary. After a break for pussy-to-mouth, the couple enjoys some serious orgasm-inducing fucking in spoon followed by missionary. Toward the end of the scene, India lies across the arm of the chair with her head on the seat cushions...in sort of a mild piledriver position. Danny pounds her through another convulsive orgasm and then uses his cock to spank her labia before sliding back into her pussy for more balls-deep action. Eventually, India demands: "Give me that fucking load." So, on cue, Danny pulls out and showers her muscular belly with a massive load of his semen. Of course, the studio audience goes fucking wild as they scream and applaud riotously.

Foreplay: Stripping, mutual stripping, kissing, caressing/fondling, hair pulling, tit squeezing, cunnilingus (she cums), clit stroking/jacking, handjob, fellatio.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, reverse cowgirl, spoon (she cums), piledriver (she cums).
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly
Pop: Exterior abdomen.

Sex rating: 4.65
Video rating: 3.50
Audio rating: 4.50
Production values rating: 4.50

What I Liked Most:

  • The plot development leading up to this scene is excellent. The acting and storyline well mimic that in the TV series and the performers--all of whom are porn guys and gals--do a very nice job playing their parts and delivering their roles.
  • I love India's assertiveness. She's a MILF who wants young studs to keep her awake all night. She gets what she wants! She even gives him explicit instructions about how to best fuck her!
  • Danny and India develop explosive chemistry. Wow! They've wanted each other for a long time and are super happy to be able to so each other at long last.
  • India does a very nice job encouraging Danny with her nasty commentary and passionate moans.
  • India's beautiful, small, and all-natural tits dance joyfully in response to her--or Danny's--actions.
  • India's fucking moves are sexy and erotic.
  • To increase her pleasure, India knowingly strokes her own clit while Danny fucks her.
  • Danny squeezes India's tits and kisses her mouth while he fucks her.
  • The sex gets hot and sweaty.
  • Danny takes time to eat--and spit in--India's pussy during breaks in the in-and-out action
  • Danny's pop is incredible. It's power and volume rival that of porn hall-of-famer Peter North.
  • The musical soundtrack, presented in Surround Sound, is quite good. So is the "laugh track."
  • The close-ups are excellent.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • I wish some attention had been paid to India's asshole. Assholes need lovin' too! At the very least, there should have been some rimming or anal massage.
  • The video suffers from many of the same issues that I'm always fuming about: poor color balance (the image is too yellow), shadows that hide the action, an overabundance of oblique camera angles, and missing transitions between sexual positions.

Scene 4

Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Brynn Tyler, Seth Gamble

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: After the Taylor boys finishing watching a movie together, "Andy" and "Marcus" hang out in their bedrooms while "Chad" fucks India in the living room. We never get to see what "Marcus" is up to (he turns out to be gay), but we do learn that "Andy," played by Seth Gamble, doesn't go to sleep. Instead, his ex-girlfriend (Brynn Tyler) climbs through his second-floor window. The two chat a bit about why "Andy" invited her to meet with him. He apologizes for breaking up with her and shares his plans for the future with her. "I want us to be together again." Brynn likes Seth's sweetness and offers her consent by accepting his tender kiss. The studio audience cheers.

As foreplay unfolds, they strip Brynn out of her dress so that Seth and suckle and squeeze her fine all-natural breasts. Then, she helps him out of his pants so that she can give him a tender and loving combination hand/blowjob that features lots of spit, stringers, and balls suckling. She even double-fists his long penis with both of her hands. Seth loves Brynn's attention and responds by pulling her flowing blond hair. Seth also shows his gratitude by positioning Brynn atop his bed, tugging off her panties, and voraciously eating her tasty twat. He also finger-fucks her through her first orgasm of the scene. Brynn squeals with absolute delight as pleasure from his tongue and fingers course through her horny body. And, she responds by encouraging him with naughty words and by pulling on his hair.

As the scene continues to unfold, Brynn sweetly asks Seth: "Do you wanna fuck me?" There's really no need to answer such a question. So, after Brynn gives his rigid cock a few more slobbery sucks, licks, and strokes, she mounts and rides his pistoning dick in reverse cowgirl. After quite a bit of intense in-and-out action, to which they both contribute, Seth and Brynn transition to spoon so that he can pound her through a second orgasm. In the last position of the scene, Seth pounds Brynn's "fucking little pussy" in missionary, making her adorable titties bounce delightfully. Then, she coos: "I want you to fuck me until you cum. Cum all over these titties!" Seth does the lady's bidding and pounds her powerfully as the two exchange "I love you's." Seth pulls out when he can no longer hold back. Then, his powerful stream of semen splatters not only Brynn's titties, but her face as well. "That's a big one!" observes Brynn as she sucks and milks him dry. The crowd roars its approval.

Foreplay: Stripping, mutual stripping, kissing, body kissing/licking, caressing/fondling, hair pulling, tit sucking and squeezing, cunnilingus, finger-fucking (she cums), clit stroking/jacking, handjob, double-fisted handjob, fellatio, stringers, balls suckling.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, reverse cowgirl, spoon (she cums).
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: Exterior breasts.

Sex rating: 4.55
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 4.50
Production values rating: 4.30

What I Liked Most:

  • Brynn Tyler is adorable. She's a young-looking and very cute girl-next-door...the kind you really wish you could fuck when you're in college. Casting her as "Andy's" girlfriend was an excellent choice.
  • The plot development leading up to this scene is excellent. The acting and storyline well mimic that in the TV series and the performers--both of whom are porn guys and gals--do a very nice job playing their parts and delivering their roles.
  • I love Brynn's gorgeous natural titties. I especially like how they hang when she's in doggie. They look damned nice when she fucks in reverse cowgirl, too.
  • Brynn has a very sweet and innocent-sounding voice. Therefore, the torrent of nasty vocabulary that pours from her lips is especially delightful.
  • Excellent chemistry develops between Brynn and Seth.
  • Brynn is a very demonstrative fuck. She screams with delight pleasure courses through her randy body.
  • Brynn ups her own pleasure by stroking her sensitive clit with her beautifully manicured fingers and by doing lots of the fucking and thrusting movements. Speaking of Brynn's fucking moves, she really knows how to fuck and grind...especially in reverse.
  • Seth pounds Brynn's cunt at redline speed.
  • The sex gets hot and sweaty.
  • Brynn's horny body becomes covered with goose-pimples as her pleasure escalates.
  • Seth gently chokes Brynn's throat during spoon-style sex.
  • Seth and Brynn are really very tender with each other. They are considerate of each other, tell each other "I love you," and yet manage "push each other's buttons" skillfully to give each other untold pleasure.
  • Brynn gets to climax twice during the scene.
  • The musical soundtrack, presented in Surround Sound, is quite good. So is the "laugh track."
  • The close-ups are excellent.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • I wish some attention had been paid to Brynn's asshole. Assholes need lovin' too! At the very least, there should have been some rimming or anal massage.
  • The video suffers from many of the same issues that I'm always fuming about: poor color balance (the image is too yellow), an overabundance of oblique camera angles, and an occasional loss of continuity caused by unexpected edits

Scene 5

Scene Type: Boy/girl.
Performers: Alexis Ford, Randy Spears.

Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: After "Jim," "Sal," and Alexis finish taping another particularly "electrifying" episode of Tool Times, Alexis reveals that she wants to continue what she started with "Jim" and "Jillian" in Scene Two. She even bought crotch less panties for him! And, she plans to come by teh Taylor's house so that he can "snake her pipes" again. After Alexis kisses him on the mouth, she departs...leaving him terrified. You see, he promised "Jillian" that their fling with Alexis would be a one time deal.

So, what would the tool man do? Of course, he chats over the fence with neighbor "Milson" (who is played by Randy Spears). "Milson" advises "Jim" to tell Alexis the truth...that their romp on the set was a one-time thing. As always, "Jim" follows "Milson's" advice. So, when Alexis shows up at the Taylor's house and joins "Jim" in his backyard, he tells her the news. Remarkably, even though Alexis confesses to loving older men and that she's "never had an orgasm with a man under 30," she takes "Jim's" news very well. She even thanks him for being honest. He gives "Milson" credit for giving his good advice and suggests that Alexis have a talk with him. So, she peeks through the fence slats and compliments the bird house that "Milson's" building in the backyard. "Milson" comes to the fence and then Alexis asks him: "Why do guys always dump me? Is there something wrong with me?" "From where I'm standing," he replies, "not a single thing. You know what your problem is? You keep picking young guys. You need an older guy...a single man...a guy with no children...a man of education...intelligence...well versed in the arts of lovemaking. That's what you need." "Where would I find such a guy?" she asks. "You're looking at him." "God, you are SO smart," she coos. "Just talking to you makes me SO horny. If this fence wasn't between us, I would blow you right now."

Wasting no time, Randy grabs a drill motor and hole saw blade, cuts a circular opening in the fence, and shoves his fully erect dick through the opening, gloryhole style. Of course, the studio audience roars its approval. Alexis shouts "That's hot" and then immediately attacks his cock and her mouth and hands and gives him an excellent gloryhole blowjob that includes deep-throating and stringers as well as spit-lubricated handjob action.

In due course, Randy comes around into the Taylor's yard and then, without his face ever being seen, Alexis fucks the shit out of him in reverse cowgirl and gives herself a screaming orgasm. Alexis continues to pound Randy's dick relentlessly after she cums and pleasure continues to course through her fine flesh. In due course, however, she does turn around so that she can thrust her holt little body up and down on his cock in cowgirl. Alexis soon screams through another orgasm...yet keeps on fucking him.

During the final position of the scene...missionary...Randy reams Alexis' cunt deep and fast while the camera zooms in on her tattoo-emblazoned and bejeweled pussy. At the last minute, he pulls out, stands above her, and fills her mouth with his semen. Greedy Alexis sucks him dry and swallows. Good girl!

Foreplay: Handjob, gloryhole fellatio, deep-throat, stringers.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl (she cums), reverse cowgirl (she cums).
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: Open mouth; she swallows.

Sex rating: 4.65
Video rating: 4.00
Audio rating: 4.50
Production values rating: 4.70

What I Liked Most:

  • The Tool Times set is remarkably reminiscent of the one used on the sitcom. The "Sinford" signs and banners are a hoot as is Alexis' "Tool Times" T-shirt.
  • The plot development leading up to this scene is excellent. The acting and storyline well mimic that in the TV series and the performers--all of whom are porn guys and gals--do a very nice job playing their parts and delivering their roles. The episode of Tool Times that is taped prior to this scene is "electrifying."
  • Dittos to all I said about Alexis' fine body in my review of Scene Two above.
  • The gloryhole blowjob is excellent!
  • Alexis' fucking moves are awesome. Her energy is boundless and her body's movements are sexy and erotic.
  • Alexis knowingly plays with her bejeweled clit and labia to increase her pleasure while she fucks Randy.
  • Torrents of suggestive and erotic words pour from Alexis' mouth.
  • Randy squeezes Alexis' fine tits and spanks her generous ass cheeks while she fucks him.
  • Alexis' multiple orgasms are deeply fulfilling.
  • The musical soundtrack, presented in Surround Sound, is quite good. So is the "laugh track."
  • True to the Home Improvement rule book, we never see "Milson's" face during the scene.
  • The close-ups are excellent.
  • The over-the-fence, shot-from-above, shot-from-below, and through-the-gloryhole camera angles are excellent.

What Could Have Been Better:

  • Randy should have fucked Alexis' tits.
  • I wish Alexis had squirted.
  • The video suffers from many of the same issues that I'm always fuming about: an overabundance of oblique camera angles, missing transitions between sexual positions, and an occasional loss of continuity caused by unexpected edits.
  • I wish that Randy had eaten Alexis' pussy. But, since the cameraman stayed true to the Home Improvement "rule" that never allowed the audience to see Wilson's face, there couldn't have been any pussy eating. Thus, I did not take off points for this lack of cunnilingus.

Extras

My copy of Home Improvement came in a two-DVD pack. Disc One is a DVD-9 disc and contains the feature (which includes Dolby Digital Sound), a still-frame chapter selector organized by female star, and a "Special Features" screen that directs you to Disc Two.

Disc Two, which is also a DVD-9 disc, contains a plethora of stuff to keep you busy. In addition to a 28 minute behind-the-scenes (BTS) featurette; you'll also find 38 minutes of cast interviews; about five minutes of bloopers; a 28-minute video that documents the casting call auditions (both guys and gals--the girls go topless and/or nude); a two and one-half minute featurette that asks the question, "Did you Watch Home Improvement?"; a seven-minute tease performance by Alexis Ford during which she introduces us to her assets (including deep inside her vagina), talks nasty to us, rubs out a couple of orgasms, and eats her girl juice; a seven and one-half minute "Magic of Green Screen" featurette that shows how the opening credits sequence was created; the internet promo trailer (softcore) for Home Improvement XXX; a three and one-half minute self-running slide show; a 21-minute bonus scene from The Contractor that features Carmen Luvana, Austyn Moore, and Evan Stone; 11 minutes of previews of Adam and Eve releases; an ad for Adam and Eve's websites; and about six minutes of phone-sex ads.

The BTS contains: video of the crew setting up the sets and props; make-up, wardrobe, and hairstyling; video of the still photo shoots; behind-the-camera looks at the filming of the movie (plot development and sex scenes); impromptu interviews of the director, cast, and crew; video of the cast hanging around on set; rehearsals of the plot development scenes; footage of Alexis "fluffing" Randy Spears; after sex de-briefing and clean-up; on-set tomfoolery; footage of Alexis being placed inside--and popping out of--the Tool Times 100th episode cake; and video of Charisma Cappelli shaking her booty for us. There's quite a bit of hot behind-the-camera footage of Charisma Cappelli's scene (Scene One).

This is an excellent selection of extras, although not quite as extensive as those found on some "epics." Nonetheless, they're worth a solid four and one-half stars,

Final Thoughts

The best things about Home Improvement XXX include:

  • the attention to detail. Wow! I have never seen a sitcom parody as well made as this one. Almost everything is perfect in this movie, including the Tool Times and Taylor home sets, the props, the made-for-the-movie T-shirts (both "Sinford" tools and Tool Time) that are worn by the cast members, the 80's-style "big hair" hairstyles, the dowdy wardrobe of mom "Jillian," and the beyond custom--and quite sexy--outfits worn by Alexis Ford.
  • the "studio audience" effect in which it feels as though the entire movie--including the sex scenes--were being observed by an audience. There's even an applause/laugh track to support that feeling (they cheer when the guy pops, for example).
  • the musical and "laugh track" soundtrack. It is not only fairly faithful to the original TV series score, but the well-chosen music in each scene nicely supports that scene.
  • During the Tool Times segments, there are two audiences...the on-set Tool Times audience as well as the Home Improvement XXX audience.
  • the care in which the director and writer kept the original feel of the characters and their dialog. They never show next door neighbor "Milson's" face!
  • the casting. Not only do the pornstar cast members reasonably resemble the original TV cast in appearance, but they are also pretty good actors and actresses, too. I'm particularly impressed by Anthony Rosano and Syren De Mer (as "Jim" and "Jillian," respectively).
  • Alexis Ford. It has taken me a while to "warm" to this sweet/hot blond. But, the more I see her, the more I appreciate her.
  • Syren De Mer. I've already mentioned how well she played her plot role. But, she's a damned hot sexual performer, too. She's so much hotter than that other well-liked brunette MILF...
  • the sex! Never have I reviewed a porn sitcom parody with such consistently hot sex from scene to scene.
  • the cunnilingus. I usually complain bitterly about the lack of pussy eating in sex scenes. Not so in Home Improvement XXX. There's only one scene in which the guy doesn't go down on the girl...and that's the "Milson" scene. He couldn't possible eat Alexis' pussy without us being able to see his face.
  • the orgasms. Everybody cums! Not one girl was left wanting. Of course, all the guys came, too.
  • the extras, which are abundant, well made, and worth watching.
  • the movie's packaging. It even comes with an official "Sinford" ruler so you can see if you measure up.

Home Improvement XXX could have been better if:

  • there had been more emphasis on anal sex. There's a tiny bit of rimming. But, no penetration. Not even any finger-fucking or anal massage. Assholes need loving, too!
  • there had been more titty fucking. Many of the girls in this flick have remarkable breasts (Charisma and Syren, in particular). Each delicious pair of those boobs should have been wrapped around the guy's cock.
  • Alexis had squirted. We know she can squirt when she cums. There's even a whole movie dedicated to her gushing vagina: Squirt Girl: Alexis Ford.
  • the videographer and editor had refrained from using so many of the "pornism" techniques that I'm always fuming about: poor color balance, action hidden in shadows, an overabundance of oblique camera angles, missing transitions between sexual positions, and an occasional loss of continuity caused by unexpected edits.
  • "Sal's" beard had been more realistic. It looks so fake that it really ruins the intended effect.

Recap
Average sex rating: 4.72
Average video rating: 4.10
Average audio rating: 4.50
Average production values rating: 4.52
Extras rating: 4.50
Bonus point(s): 1.00
Overall rating: 4.668

Legend:
X Critic Pick
(4.5+ sex; 4.0+ production values; 4.5+ overall)
Highly Recommended (4.5+ sex; 4.0+ overall)
Recommended (4.0+ sex; 4.0+ overall)
Rent It (<4.00 sex; <4.00 overall)
Skip It (<3.50 sex; <4.00 overall)


Dr. Jay



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