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Official The Client List Parody

Studio: Zero Tolerance » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 8/1/12

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

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The Official Client List Parody

Zero Tolerance

Genre: Parody

Director: Mike Quasar

Cast: Veronica Avluv, Mark Wood, Francesca Le, Michael Vegas, Misty Stone, Anthony Rosano, Krissy Lynn, Danny Wylde, Aleska Nicole, Alec Knight

Length: 126:45 minutes

Veronica Avluv

Date of Production: 2012

Extras: The best extra was the humorous Behind the Scenes feature lasting 13:25 minutes. Mike was his classic self and the cast recognized this (“We always have a fun time” or some such), Francesca and Veronica getting the majority of the footage from what it seemed. There was also a slip cover, a photogallery, some trailers, and a pop shot recap from the scenes but that was all.

Condoms: None

Francesca Le with Michael

Audio/Video Quality: The Official Client List Parody was presented in a visually appealing anamorphic widescreen color using an aspect ratio of 1.78:1 as shot by director Mike Quasar for Zero Tolerance. The lighting was not as optimal this time, allowing for additional shadows to interfere with some scenes. The bitrate tended to hover around the mid 4.8 Mbps area most of the time, the composition of the camera angles typically optimal for the ladies. The composition of the scenes enhanced the look of the ladies in most cases though, each as fit as ever from what I could tell. The sole audio track was presented in 1.0 Dolby Digital English using the standard 192 Kbps rate using a 48 kHz sampling rate most titles are mastered with, the aural experience fairly limited but much like the gonzo titles he likes to shoot. There was also no separation between the channels and the dynamic range was as truncated as ever, standard gonzo audio being okay for most consumers. The voices could be clearly heard though, the balancing between those and the music capably handled.

-- sponsored by --

Misty Stone

Body of Review: Mike Quasar is a popular director at Zero Tolerance, his lengthy career full of humor and heated sex scenes few of his peers can match. His most recent releases sent for review is called The Official Client List Parody, a five scene sex flick parodying a Lifetime Network cable show most people have probably never heard of (unless they have girlfriend’s that watch a lot of reality television). The story elements were on the light side this time, essentially used to tie the five scenes together more than anything else, the basic television premise run with instead of being tricked out too much. The back cover described the movie like this: “When Alec leaves Veronica high and dry with bills to pay and a house in foreclosure, she gets a job at a local massage parlor to make ends meet. Little does she know these clients aren't looking for an ordinary rub down. At first she's not sure how to handle the sticky situation, but with financial pressures bearing down, she finds herself giving into the insatiable sexual needs of her 'client list.' Veronica Avluv and Alec Knight give stellar performances in this unique story based on the hit series.” Here’s a really brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Krissy Lynn with Danny

Scene One: Veronica Avluv, the attractive Latina featured on the front cover, was up first plying her new trade, a question to Mark Wood leading to an abrupt bout of gash gobbling as she spread her legs for him to go down on her. Veronica was very vocal about his oral efforts and he then vaginally porked her, the passive riding on the minor side until after she inhaled his pecker soundly with an enthusiastic blowjob. She used ample hand to gland combat to increase the friction too, providing a very aggressive ride once properly turned on, the bed getting all messed up by the time he busted a nut of genetic juice on her face.

Aleska Nicole with Alec

Scene Two: Francesca Le, a lean MILF with a curvy body, was up next on a large tan couch as she massaged the shoulders of Michael “Senator Houston” Vegas (funny Mike). He was whining about expenses but she convinced him that some good old fashioned happy ending work would be good so he reversed roles and went down on her. This continued as he tossed her dress to the side, her facial expressions priceless in light of the tonguing she received, Francesca slobbing knob really well before an active series of vaginal penetration positions resulted in a mouth pop of population pudding. The couple was sweaty, she kept great eye contact, and there was a sense of urgency conveyed that lent the scene some extra replay value.

Scene Three: Misty Stone, the kinky hair black babe making so many inspiring scenes of late, was up next in a sitting room with Anthony Rosano. She massaged him on the table, quietly purring to calm him down until he turned over to kiss her. Within moments she was naked and he was savoring her sweaty form, going down on her trimmed pussy and ass as she loudly coaxed him to continue. She gave him a brief blowjob in return, not keeping eye contact with him but focusing her entire attention on his pleasure, leading to some moderately active vaginal riding. There was some taste testing by both of them, the spunk going into her mouth for apparent swallowing as she smiled up at him.

Scene Four: Krissy Lynn, a cute blond with freckles, was up next with recording artist Danny Wylde in bed, the man a “walk in client” this time, in need of going straight to the action. Her black outfit did not last long though her pants were so tight that they managed to hug her ass really well, Krissy teasing his pecker until he removed his attire so she could orally pleasure him like a seasoned professional. The licking turned to sucking, the gal applying some hand action to increase the levels of friction. There was ball sucking and she quickly moved to aggressively riding his rod vaginally, moving very fast in some positions though Danny slowing her down to last longer. There was then what appeared to be a mouth shot of splooge, some additional vaginal plowing leading to his ball batter unleashed all over her torso.

Scene Five: Aleska Nicole, a lean brunette built for speed over comfort, was up next as she massaged Alec Knight, the lying man speeding up her delivery by request. She climbed onto him and he sucked her tits, his towel falling off as he caressed her firm ass and played with her red thong. She blew him after that, briefly working his testicles before he reciprocated on her trimmed snatch (to her delightful squeals). He chowed down on her box well enough and the two then began vaginally fucking, Aleska rubbing her clitoris as he boned her ever deeper. She also provided some aural encouragement, both giving more head between positions and Alec fingering her perfect pucker while fucking her pussy though never going full anal. After doing a standing doggy that showcased her great ass, his launched his payload of spew all over her face and upper torso, Aleska giving some post coital head with a smile.

Summary: The Official Client List Parody by director Mike Quasar for Zero Tolerance was advertised as a parody fuck flick and it lightly provided that kind of action, earning a rating of Rent It. The scenarios were minimal and thanks to a cast of experienced leading ladies such as Veronica Avluv, Misty Stone, Francesca Le, Krissy Lynn, and Aleska Nicole, a lot of you will probably rate it even higher as inspirational material (according to a press release, mainstream actor/comedian Fred Willard liked it enough to take off his pants in public to masturbate to). In short, The Official Client List Parody was not the most original parody released by the company of late but there was a decent amount of replay value, strokability, and truth in advertising to make it worth checking out if you aren’t totally into gonzo nut-busting fare.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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