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Teeny Bopper Boobies 2

Studio: Other » Review by Vincent Pierce » Review Date: 4/24/14

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

GENRE: Teens, Straight, Amateur, Boobs

DIRECTOR: Uncredited

STUDIO/PRODUCER: Hammer House Studios

MSRP: $19.99

LENGTH: 1 hr 40 mins


AUDIO/VIDEO: Seeing as I've never viewed a Hammer House Studios production before I was surprised by the overall quality of it. The scenes which are mostly shown in a widescreen ratio (Audrey's scene being the exception) look to be HD, and even the sound reflects an HD capture/edit. In the case of Audrey Bitoni's scene though the view switches to a fullscreen, and less than HD format that's almost foreign in nature. I also noticed that the cameraman in each scene did a decent job in capturing the footage for the most part, and did so in a variety of different angles as well as in some POV perspectives. It definitely reflected a more professional camera service. As far as the menu system, and intro credits go they reflected a more basic porn dvd setup that showed Hammer House Studio's newcomer side. With that being said though the intro credits did contain some valuable info by displaying each female performers names as the performers were shown off in the preview clips. It's always a plus to know who it is you are about to watch perform.

CAST: Charlie James, Nikki Sexx, Crista Moore, Audrey Bitoni




Despite the title's hint at a "Teeny Bopper" show this dvd contains mostly girls who look either older than teens, or are phyiscally aged in some form, or fashion. Charlie James, for example looks like a borderline MILF, and in my personal opinion is not teen material at all. The other girls do have a slight youthful look, but as I mentioned they're a little worse for the wear. Things like bulging midsections, stretch marks, and augmented breasts are commonplace amongst the fours girls. As such if you are looking for eye candy you might want to look elsewhere. On top of that the men chose to bang the pudgy girls are no more glamorous in most cases. In fact I'd say some of the men look worse than the ladies. Not only do these less than impressive male performers have fugly features, but most of the time their cocks are oddly shaped, or short in length. This in itself makes for a distracting viewing amongst the already noticably flawed female cast. With that being said there are a couple of male, and female performers who look good, and actually do the pronstar roles justice. In a way this dvd presnetation is like a mixed bag of tricks with the odd grouping of good, and not-so-good features.






Charlie James


In this first scene we are introduced to a female performer named, "Charlie James" who looks as if she could be somebody's mother. She's super tall, pudgy around the midsection, plump around the rear, and blessed with a natural 36DD rack. As she's discussing her breast size with the camerman, and flaunting her goods this perky performer puts on a proper pornstar role. She licks her lips, winks at the camera, and even presses her nipples against the lens. As I'm watching all of this unfold I'm thinking to myself, "What a tryhard performer", and that's exactly how she performed. After removing all of her clothing articles, and revealing her less than glamorous body Charlie engaged the male performer on the couch next to her. She unzipped his pants revealing an oddly shaped, and oddly curved cock. It looked nasty. In fact I felt sorry for Charlie having to suck this deformed man rod.

Regardless of my disgust Charlie went ahead with her oral deed, and sucked cock like the supposed amateur that she was. Regadless of the cock's small size Charlie continued to suck the oddly shaped tip in order to get the man erect enough for penetrations. Once the man's cock was ready Charlie climbed on top in the cowgirl position, and bounced up and down for quite an extensive amount of time. After a good five minutes, or more of this Charlie did an about face to ride in the reverse cowgirl position. Once again time spent on this position was long lived. After the two cowgirl rides were shown, and done Charlie got on all fours upon the couch to allow the muscularly ripped man behind her to do some doggie. Unlike the previous two positions the doggie was short lived, and was quickly changed up for a final missionary pounding.

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After the in, and out of the missionary fuck the man of the scene slightly pulled out his deformed penis only to leave Charlie with an oozing creampie. Normally I associate creampie finishes with the more naughty, and seasoned female performers, but this supposed "Teeny Bopper" took it like a pro, and allowed for a gory camera close-up of her puss as the man goo seeped from her gaping wound. When it was all said, and done I found myself sitting there with no fucks given. I was not impressed at all. I was not impressed with the fact that Charlie looked like a MILF instead of a Teeny Bopper, and I was not impressed with the tryhard performance. Even the creampie finish left little to be desired.




Nikki Sexx


In scene two the cameraman skips the chit chat, and immediatley begins recording the performance between "Nikki Sexx", and her fugly (fucking ugly) male partner. While the blonde haired, and curvacious Nikki does sport some "Teeny Bopper" similarities her face still sports some wear reflecting an age older than that of a teen. As far as the man of the scene goes this dude has a face only a mother could love. Not only that, but he's skinny as a rail, and has a pecker that's shorter in length than most male pornstars. At this point in the viewing I'm wondering why the heck the director picked the cast that he/she did? Anyways, as the sex begins Nikki starts the show off with some oral foreplay, and some complimentary titty fucking. Her breasts, which are obviously fake are perfect for such a task.

After some slobber lube is applied, and Nikki has had her fill of entertaining the guy's cock she climbs up on top of the short stick in the cowgirl position. Unlike the previous scene Nikki limits her time in the cowgirl, and switches up to the following positions more quickly. The short lived cowgirl is traded up for reverse cowgirl, and finally for some finishing missionary. One thing to note is that Nikki did look fairly sexy riding cock, and bouncing her buttocks blubber as she did so. The only thing I had against her pudgy looks was that she too had stretch marks, and fat pits reflecting an unhealthy lifestyle that is usually not synonymous with pornstars. Other than that I guess she looked alright.

After being pounded for a short while in the missionary position the man of the scene, who had just given some of the ugliest facial expressions during the fuck pulls out of Nikki, and preps to shoot his load all over her fake boobies. He jerks off for a while trying to get the juices flowing, and eventually erupts the thick fluid load all over Nikki's cleavage. After doing so he rubs his cock all in the mess ultimately putting an end to the show. While I thought the cumshot in this scene was an improvement on the last I still felt that the scene wasn't all that entertaining. The performers were obviously mismatched in a beauty, and the beast sort of way, and definitely did not have proper chemistry going on. The fact that the dude gave some horrible facial expressions during the fuck session only made it all the more laughable. Once again we are given a wholly lacking scene not fitting of a viewing.




Crista Moore


I could rip this scene a new one, but I won't. It has some good things going on about it that are worthwhile. I will, however take the time to call out the lead female performer. Crista Moore who happens to be this scene's lead female performer is what you'd call a cliche blonde pornstar. Everything about her from her adult oriented make-up to her fake tits are a generalized fabrication of what a pornstar should be. I see it all the time with blonde performers, and it's always disappointing. They put on that heavy hooker make-up, have their tits blown up, and try to immitate every other blonde performer in Hollywood. Crista is no exception to this. While I congratulate her on keeping a fit, and trim body, I cannot do so in regards to the disservice she has done to herself by going the "Cliche" route. In porn you either stand out, or blend in. In the grand scale of things Crista merely blends in as a perormer.

In the way of sex Crista, and her rather buff male partner do good to keep things fresh, and make things interesting. They cover all of the basic position changes, and in doing so make the performance more worthwhile to watch. To begin the man of the scene penetrates Crista in the missionary position as they lay upon a nearby couch. The two lovers spend some significant time banging away in missionary, but switch things up in a timely fashion afterwards. Following the missionary pounding the man of the scene positions Crista for some spooning on the couch that was made available. From missionary, and spooning the couple moves onto some reverse cowgirl, and finally some doggie.

As I continued watching this scene unfold I was torn between liking the sex, and despising the cliche looks of Crista. The ending cumshot that followed the final penetration did little in the way of swaying my opinion either way. Like the scene before it the man of the scene opted to spray his load all over the breasts of his lover. The least they could have done is ended it with a facial, or something along those lines, but sadly that did not happen. With all things weighed I found this scene to be mediocre at best. The sex was good, but the female performer wasn't all the impressive. I doubt I'll remember her name later on to be honest.




Audrey Bitoni


Just when I thought things couldn't get any more odd, or worse this final scene goes, and proves me wrong. It seems that the director behind this scene wanted to include some fetish material as well as some femdom worship. While the man of the scene, and "Audrey Bitoni" did have that pornstar quality about them the sex between them was a mixture of awesomeness, and mediocrity. When the scene opened up the man of the scene was rubbing, and playing with Audreys stocking covered legs, and feet. Audrey who was dressed in lacy black lingerie, and matching stockings was obviously enjoying being treated like a queen, and allowed the man to continue playing with her feet for about 15 minutes.

Things like the oiling of Audrey's feet, and her applied footjob were a huge part of the fetish nonsense that ensued. The male performer obviously had a thing for women's feet as he sucked on Audrey's feet several different times, and even allowed her to walk on him barefooted as he lay upon his back on the floor. It was a huge disappointment seeing a good portion of fuck time wasted on fetish material. Thankfully though Audrey did return the favor tenfold with an amazing sloppy blowjob. Her slobbery deepthroat performance is something that shoul definitely not to be missed.

Even the penetrations that follow the extensive foreplay were fun to watch. Audrey, who opted to ride in reverse cowgirl to begin with looked as if she's having a wonderful time bouncing up, and down on the huge man meat. In fact I personally enjoyed watching her do so myself. After some time in the reverse cowgirl position the two lovers switched it up upon the floor by doing some additional spooning. Once again Audrey looked super sexy as she was being furiously pounded. Following the floor fucks Audrey got up on all fours to also recieve some doggie. The doggie fuck in my opinion was the the best position by far. It gave a sexy look at Audry's backside including a slight peek at her tight pussy. I do wish the camerman would have captured her facial reactions more though. Her head, unfortunately was mostly out of view during the entirety of the doggie penetration.

When the couple had reached "that point" the man of the scene stood up, and used Audrey's feet to seal the deal. He practically jerked himself off with Audrey's bare feet until he came. What a fucking waste. Even with my dissatisfaction of the ending cumshot I can't help but admit that the scene had it's finer points. When it got past all the foot fetish tomfollery the scene definitely began to shine. I think Audrey looked sexy throughout the scene, and that her male partner was a perfect match chemistry-wise. Unfortunately a lot of time was wasted on foot fetish, and femdom worship material. At least there was something worthwile in this dvd, I guess.





As one might assume the gallery in this dvd is filled with various sized photo stills of the performers involved. The pictures range from fullscreen shots of the sex that was previously shared to trimmed down pictures of penetrations, and position changes. There is no real order to the photos, but they are grouped according to the femaleperformers. The gallery starts off with some photos of 'Audrey Bitoni', and moves on to other female performers within the film. This one, and only extra is definitely not the best, but is by no means the worst either.



I say it all the time folks. When you make a dvd with 3-4 scenes all of the scenes have to be exceptional, or porn enthusiasts won't want anything to do with it, not even for a rent. In the case of "Teeny Bopper Boobies #2" I only found a buttload of disappointment. The performers weren't all that great for the most part, and the title of the dvd was misleading. I honestly don't think any of the female performers belong in the "Teeny Bopper" genre. They were either older in appearance, are were phyiscally altered in a way that made them seem more like a seasoned pornstar. Crista Moore, for example was the prime example of what not to do according to appearance. She looked like a teeny bopper trying to be a grown-up pornstar. She even had those fake tits going on. Sadly the only female star I found worth my time in the dvd was 'Audrey Bitoni'. Unfortunately for her most of the scene was wasted on close-ups of her feet, and some dude with a major foot fetish.

With all things considered I can only recommend renting the final scene if that is even an option with this dvd. If not this dvd is a definite "Skip It!!!". I've seen better $20 dvds in my time than this four scene flesh flick. It's up to you though. If you want to take a gamble, and rent it, or buy it for Audrey's scene then by all means do so. I for one would not spend one red cent on this sucker.


VERDICT: Skip It!!!

"I'm the man who coined the phrase "Same Sex Different Dame". If you're gonna produce porn PLEASE go all out, and don't fall victim to retro ruination. Innovation is king!"

- Vincent Pierce 2014 A.D.

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