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This Ain't Boardwalk Empire XXX


Studio: Hustler Video » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 5/17/14


XCritic's Advice: Skip It

 

This Ain’t Boardwalk Empire XXX

Hustler Video

Genre: Parody

Director: Stuart Canterbury

 

Cast: Cassandra Nix, Scott Lyons, Cameron Dee, Presley Hart, Belle Noire, Ryan Driller, Alana Rains, Jovan Jordan, Kimber Day, Anthony Rosano
Non-sex roles: David Park, Boo

Length: 108:30 minutes

-- sponsored by --

Date of Production: 2014

 

Extras: There was spam, a slide show, trailers, and more spam.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: This Ain’t Boardwalk Empire XXX was presented in anamorphic widescreen as shot by director Stuart Canterbury for Hustler Video. The director of photography was Jake Jacobs, the AD was Andre Madness, Frank Armitage was in charge of sound and the editing was handled by “Sir Licks A Twat”, the minimalist technical aspects of the show handled well enough for a low budget production. The flesh tones were largely accurate, the editing jumpy at times, and the framing of the cast not always optimal but there was no company watermark displayed on the screen at all times. The aural aspects of the movie were provided in a post production 2.0 Dolby Digital with 224 Kbps audio bit rate, the vocals often so low I couldn’t hear them even with the volume turned up all the way. The music sounded like a combination of appropriate jazz from the time period and really cheap known off material but it was blended in to make the audio portion of the movie modest at worst.

 

Body of Review: Stuart Canterbury has worked for a number of companies over the years, his latest titles all from Hustler Video. Stuart recently released This Ain’t Boardwalk Empire XXX, a low budget parody based on the HBO long running miniseries that ends later this year, a story about bootleggers during prohibition set in Atlantic City. As a fan of the television show, I wasn’t expecting a whole lot from this parody and frankly, it still managed to let me down some, the acting stilted, the sets looking super cheap, and the sexual trysts populated by whomever it seemed was available that day even if lead actor Scott Lyons bore a slight resemblance to the legendary Steve Buscemi. None of the others had that edge going into the show and the formulaic sexual encounters were not supported by any reasonably entertaining feature elements, the result becoming yet another nail in the coffin of the porn parody craze that has largely extinguished itself by now. Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

 

Scene One: Cassandra Nix, a lean gal in a modern orange outfit made to look more like a flapper garb, did a really weird dance for Scott Lyons, his character of “Nucky” based more on his resemblance to the mainstream actor than anything else. As painful as the dance was, he clapped for her and she climbed into his lap, kissing him before leading him to bed as their clothing came off, the guy gobbling her gash while fingering it. She had a very light patch of pubic hair and moaned a lot, rolling her eyes in the back of her head as she slobbed his knob, some hand to gland friction and nut nuzzling included as she worked him over. She then mounted him for a few positions of occasionally active vaginal penetrative sex, Scott depositing a wad of semen on her ass at the end.

 

Scene Two: Cameron Dee and Presley Hart, both attractive ladies, were up next in a lesbian tryst that began in front of a makeup mirror and ended up on the couch after some stilted dialogue. They kissed and caressed each other as the clothing was peeled off, no escaping their contemporary looking pubic grooming as they ate each other and then reached over to feel each other up on the couch side by side. The 69 was far too brief and shot with a single camera so it missed too much physical pleasuring, the scene ending before I knew it.

 

Scene Three: Belle Noire, a brunette here with a multi-layered outfit and no panties, next engaged sexually with Ryan Driller on a porn set version of the boardwalk. They sat on a bench where she spread her legs while facing him, the guy fingering her shaven slit before tasting it, Belle reciprocating with a blowjob on the assassin (whose face mask was all wrong by the way) before three positions of vaginal sex led to the facial of sperm dousing her mug.

 

Scene Four: Alana Rains, the lady on the center of the front cover, was up next as she had an interracial tryst with Jovan Jordan, their verbal exchange leading to more living room sex where his big black cock impressed her enough to kneel down and suck it. While she only took the top half into her mouth as she stroked his meaty member, she did provide decent eye contact, the man reciprocating on her nearly bald beaver (it had a light landing strip) before a few rounds of vaginal sex left his seed plastering her juicy ass, her slip still located on her body.

 

Scene Five: Kimber Day, a very cute young lady seen on the background of the front cover, was up last with gangster Anthony Rosano, the two flirting in the vintage car before kissing beside it. She knelt down to blow him and he bend her over the nearby steps to vaginally pound her briefly, the gal rubbing herself but remaining passive until mere seconds of cowgirl drained his dragon of spew that he jerked off onto her chest.

Summary: This Ain’t Boardwalk Empire XXX by director Stuart Canterbury for Hustler Video was a really weak parody of the popular cable television show, the feature elements horrid and the sexual encounters extremely generic each time so I rated the production as a Skip It. I suppose some sailor at sea for an extended tour of duty might find a few elements of the movie to be worth something but by and large, there was no replay value for me and the strokability factor was extremely modest given the strength of the ladies in other scenes. In short, This Ain’t Boardwalk Empire XXX was so unlike the cable television show as to be unrecognizable in most ways, the sex and feature aspects of it done so much on the cheap that I’d strongly suggest looking at other parodies if that is what your heart is set on.


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You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon



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