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Dirty Masseur 7

Studio: Brazzers » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 9/23/14

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online


Dirty Masseur 7


Genre: Vignette, Web-To-DVD, Massage

-- sponsored by --

Director: None Credited

Cast: Remy LaCroix, Toni Ribas, Rachel Starr, Keiran Lee, Aryana Augustine, Capri Cavanni, Johnny Sins, Dillion Harper, Bill Bailey; Katerina and David (bonus scene only)

Length: 212:31 minutes

Date of Production: 7/8/2014


Extras: The best extra was the 36:11 minute long Bonus scene between Katerina and David called “Titty Training Sprain” released 5/10/2013. The scene was described like this: “Katerina is doing a full workout, and so are her titties! After some intense skipping and boxing, she gets a sprain and needs her trainer to massage her thighs, and while he's at it, he may as well give her full natural boobs and tight pussy a rub too!” And Katerina like this: “Whether you know her as Dublova, Hartlova, or just plain old Katerina, there's no denying this Czech babe's ridiculous sex appeal. After all, a busty babe by any other name still looks just as good when she's getting fucked in her pretty Czech pussy! Czech women are known for having insane bodies, but Katerina's is incredible even by Czech standards! Her big tits are a gorgeous, all natural 34DD, and when you throw in her lovely curvaceous hips and round juicy ass, you've got a picture of near perfection! Originally just a glamour and nude model, Katerina made the jump into hardcore when she was 19 years old. Often working with her actual boyfriend in her hardcore scenes, her passion and jaw-dropping sex appeal make her hardcore scenes some of the hottest around. This is one blonde haired blue eyed Euro babe that you don't want to miss!” There was also a pop shot recap, a photogallery, some trailers, and web access.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Dirty Masseur 7 was presented in anamorphic widescreen as shot by the various uncredited directors of Brazzers. As no crew are ever credited in their works, I won’t have to name names but the truth is that the lighting was good, the camera work often very good, and the editing a major leap forward from the company’s older works I used to review years ago. There was no watermark on the screen and while I would have appreciated more sexual diversity in the scenes, the sex acts seemed to follow a strict and cohesive pattern, I cannot fault the technical aspects of how they were shot. The aural components were of similar lineage, the 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo offerings of the scenes not giving any true separation that I could hear but the vocals easy to understand and the light musical refrains and ambient sounds fairly good when used.


Body of Review: Brazzers is one of the megalithic internet porn companies that some like to complain about for all sorts of reasons but their body of work so large that it includes something for almost everyone. All the big stars who aren’t under contract shoot for them and a number of skilled directors and crew work their magic from behind the camera on said scenes, they just don’t get credited for them as they would in more traditional companies. Their latest release making it to me is called Dirty Masseur 7, a collection of five scenes (6 if you include the bonus scene) where youthful ladies engage a guy who rubs them the right way in a sexy warm up massage that all came from the dedicated company website of the same name. I was mostly interested in seeing Remy LaCroix, Capri Cavanni, and Dillion Harper but Rachel Starr and Aryana Augustine looked good too. The website was described like this: “Take a moment and unwind. Lay down, relax, and enjoy watching and wanking to these luscious Brazzers beauties getting good and greasy. Boobs, butts, and other lady-parts are at their prettiest when shimmering with slick oil. Book an appointment, and slide on in with a lubed babe. Believe me when I say, you'll have the happiest of endings...” Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:


Scene One: Surprise Visit: Remy LaCroix, Toni Ribas: The DVD cover described the scene like this: “When Toni the masseur shows up at Remy's door, she's pretty confused. She didn't order a massage! But since it's paid for, why not accept it? Especially since the rubdown he's about to deliver is the full service...” The company website described Remy like this: “How many other porn stars do you know had the balls to kick off their careers with a kinky five-man gang bang because that's always been their wildest fantasy? Remy LaCroix, a stunning San Francisco sweetheart, has always known exactly what she wants, and never been shy to make her dreams come true. Between her all-natural beauty and her fearless attitude towards taking on new sexual experiences, it's no wonder Remy's become a household name among porn fans practically overnight. In her few short years as a performer, Remy's already taken home five AVN Awards, along with enough of the top industry awards to more than fill her mantelpiece. In high school, Remy played volleyball for the school team and sang in the choir. Remy has also completed an honors degree in Molecular Biology, but decided instead of becoming a scientist to dive head-first into the adult industry. Playing the good-girl-gone-bad has always come naturally to her, and lends her scenes an extra pinch of spice. She's also a very talented fire-dancer, acrobat, and hula-hooper. If you're in the mood to have your mind blown, check out her erotic striptease as she slings a hoop around her hips in her all-time classic anal scene Remy's Ring Toss.” 5/17/2013


Scene Two: Stranger Danger: Rachel Starr, Keiran Lee: The DVD cover described the scene like this: “Every woman needs a good rub down every now and then, even the shy ones. Rachel called for a female masseuse, but Keiran Lee showed up instead! But with just some strong hands and some oil, Keiran can rub any lady into a horny craze.” The company then described Rachel like this: “Rachel Starr's whooty ass is like a catchy song on the radio. You see her sweet piece once, and it'll pop up and get stuck in your head at the most inappropriate times. Rachel got noticed by a fellow porn star in 2007, who pointed out that since she was already a raging swinger, she might as well work in porn and get paid to enjoy her nympho appetite for sex. When she isn't busy on set, she cuts loose wakeboarding with friends and keeps her body fit and tight with MMA training. Twice a year, she goes on adventures to exotic locales like Thailand to leave all the pressures of work behind. Rachel's been nominated for two AVN Awards, and it's a crime that she doesn't win at least one every year. Once you've seen Rachel in action, her name might slip your mind, you might not remember her face, but there's no way you'll ever forget the most famous bubble butt in the biz.” 12/28/2012


Scene Three: Aryana’s Gotta Loosen Up: Aryana Augustine, Keiran Lee: The DVD cover described the scene like this: “Aryana Augustine's trainer is guiding her through a workout so intense she pulls a muscle in her back. There's only one thing to do: oil up her smokin' bod and give this hottie a deep-tissue massage, from her tense shoulders all the way down to her juicy pussy.” The company described Aryana like this: “With her lilting drawl, innocent smile, and on-screen grace, Aryana Augustine is the personification of Southern charm. This small-town Alabama girl is a self-professed health nut, and has the tight tanned body to prove it. She has worked as a fitness instructor and exotic dancer, and her gorgeous body won her the Miss Mardi Gras Atlanta title in 2011. Aryana entered the industry in November 2011 after acquiring an appetite for turning people on as an exotic dancer, and her fans love for her big perfect round tits and her laid back personality. She has a tomboy streak and a weakness for hot women, and her idea of a perfect day is watching football and going fishing with the guys, then coming on set and burrowing into a pretty pink pussy. Being able to host her first B/G scene here on Brazzers is a thrill! Check in to see Aryana discover dick!” 7/5/2013


Scene Four: A Killer Massage For Capri: Capri Cavanni, Johnny Sins: The DVD cover described the scene like this: “Capri Cavanni's heard all the rumors about Johnny's intense massage skills. Whenever Johnny gets the urge to rub women down on his table, he can't rest until he's worked oil into their big tits until they shine, and pounded their sweet pussies.” The company described Capri like this “Canadian cutie Capri Cavanni is the best thing to come out of the great white north since maple syrup. She's got curves in all the right places, a serious passion for fucking, and the kind of gorgeous face you don't see too often in porn. She moved out of her native Vancouver BC to start her career and escape the cold weather, but no one knows how you can get cold when you're already so hot! Capri is something of a wild child, enjoying skydiving and sex in public. She also loves photography, Hello Kitty, and animals, saying her ideal date would involve a trip to the zoo, aquarium, or botanical gardens (so take notes, gentlemen!). She even has a couple animals of her own, a pit bull and a chihuahua that go running with her in the morning. Capri Cavanni has one activity she loves more than all of them, though, and thankfully for us that's fucking!” 8/30/2013


Scene Five: Norther X-Posure: Dillion Harper, Bill Bailey: The DVD cover described the scene like this: “Dillon and Bill are scientists warming up in their cabin after a day of exploring the farthest reaches of the arctic. When Bill offers Dillon a massage to warm her up and relax her stiff, aching joints, she can't resist, but stays firm.” The company described Dillion like this: “Dillion Harper is the epitome of the innocent looking chick next door type. With her sweet smile, tempting tan lines, and perky 32D tits, she's like something out of your wildest dreams come to life to give you pleasure. This bisexual beauty was the Hustler Honey for November 2013, and despite the close to 100 credits to her name, Dillion had actually never even seen a porn before starring in her first one! As a quiet and shy person, she decided to start fucking on film as a way to bust out of her shell and own her sexuality. Now, as one of the internet's brightest rising stars, it's obvious that she made the right choice! So whether you love her for her adorable smile, her perfect little body, or her wonderfully sloppy blowjobs, Dillion Harper is one sexy little squirter that is destined for big things!” 3/1/2013

Summary: Dirty Masseur 7 by the uncredited directors of Brazzers was a decent selection of curvy women, had solid technical values, and what would have been above average extras if a BTS or other title specific extra had been included but the bonus scene was okay. A few of the scenes were on the weak side and none of them showcased the major talent I like so much as well as expected but there was a lot of fun factor going on to balance some of that out so I gave this a tentative rating of Rent It but mainly because you could spend the same money joining the company website and download all these scenes and a great deal more in no time at all with a good internet connection. In short, Dirty Masseur 7 was a good advertisement of why joining the company website would make sense, the relatively short vignettes needing some polishing up in both the feature department as well as the sex aspects to merit a higher rating given the totality of circumstance but it was a step forward for the company so I hope they continue to upgrade and eventually credit their crews, enhance their extras, and provide more fuck for the buck so check it out.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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