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Lesbian Vampire Academy

Studio: Hustler Video » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 10/8/14

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online


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Lesbian Vampire Academy

Hustler Video

Genre: Lesbian, Vampires, Spoof

-- sponsored by --

Director: David Edwards


Cast: August Ames, Raven Rockette, Karmen Karma, Ryan Ryans, Carter Cruise, Zoey Foxx, Natasha Voya, Zoey Monroe

Length: 88:10 minutes

Date of Production: 2014


Extras: There was spam, trailers, more spam, and a slide show.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Lesbian Vampire Academy was presented in anamorphic widescreen as shot by director David Edwards for Hustler Video. The lighting was flat and even in each scene but the camera work and editing raised major concerns. The short duration of the movie raised concerns that all the feature elements were dropped because so few remained in the finished product though some of the performers had mentioned (proudly at that) how well they thought their acting was in the show as it was being shot. This rendered the show as more of a collage of barely related lipstick lesbian encounters than anything else, too many close up shots used, weak framing of said shots, and editing that looked as rushed as anything I have seen of late though the flesh tones were accurate, the lighting well done, and the various body parts of the ladies all shown in glorious detail. The aural components of the movie were likewise man handled in quizzical fashion, the 2.0 Dolby Digital captured from the camera itself, no noticeable separation between the channels and limited dynamic range with some ambient background noises that do not appear to have been purposely recorded. The vocals were clear though and the musical score was appropriate for the vampire theme but without a story element behind the score to enhance a story, it did nothing else to enhance the quality of the show.


Body of Review: David Edwards is a director whose works are fairly minimal in terms of credited movies, some suggesting his role in production work or dabbling on the side from time to time a better way to describe his status making movies. That said, Hustler Video saw fit to credit him with a new movie called Lesbian Vampire Academy, a set of six lipstick lesbian scenes centering on a school background with some vampire teeth tossed in to appeal to the younger crowd (apparently, vampires are still “in” according to the company). Given the use of babes like Carter Cruise, Zoey Monroe, and August Ames, I was ready to dig this one until I found almost no feature elements were present, my belief being that such were shot and then ditched instead of making what was to be a dramatic flick into a spoof instead, the result leaving the production as something of a collection of eye candy trysts of limited replay value. The company website described the movie like this: “Hustler presents the scorching hot LESBIAN VAMPIRE ACADEMY. Your heart is going to race as you watch this sexual frenzy full of Babes, Boobs, and Blood. These Lesbian Vampires need to feed on more than Blood. The incredibly hot Vampire, Raven Rockette must seduce each and every female scholar as she sinks her teeth into them, licking them into a frenzy. Lesbian Vampire Academy features Raven Rockette, August Ames, Karmen Karma, Natasha Voya, Zoey Foxx, Ryan Ryans, Carter Cruise and Zoey Monroe.” Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:


Scene One: August Ames, Raven Rockette, and Karmen Karma, started things off in the locker room before moving to the showers where they caressed themselves and each other as the water flowed on their naked bodies. Raven sported a huge pubic push and Karmen’s arm tattoos made her stand out just as August’s smoking hot everything looked good. The scene was pre-credits and other than feeling each other up, served to introduce the neck biting aspects of the show.


Scene Two: Ryan Ryans, a light haired cheerleader type of cutie in a pink top and blue skirt, was up next in the bathroom with vampire Raven Rockette, the gal dressed in a slutty black top and plaid skirt. The ladies were all over each other in moments sucking boobs, munching rug, and pawing each other but it cut short after some face sitting and pussy eating on the bench.


Scene Three: Carter Cruise, an adorable blond hotty newcomer, was up next as a cheerleader accosted by aggressive vampire August Ames, both wearing the respective outfits described previously. August pushed Carter against the lockers and pawed her, some kissing included as the generic music played in the background, Carter initially resisting her attacker as August made the hotty eat some of her juices. The pussy rubbing led to eating and use of a purple toy on a large desk, both giving as well as they got.


Scene Four: Zoey Foxx, a cute cheerleader type, was then tossed to the bed by vampire Raven Rockette, the domineering undead tearing off her submissive’s shirt and pulling a vibrator out of the night stand as she coaxed the timid gal into doing her bidding. It was another paint by numbers scene including pawing, oral, and toy use, nothing special to see.


Scene Five: Natasha Voya, a bleach blond cheerleader, and vampiric Karmen Karma, were up next in the bath room as Karmen pushed Natasha into a lesbian tryst. She started off with a slap but was soon just taking what she wanted, shoving her hand up the dress of the cheerleader or running her hands under her top to reveal her tits, the gal coming around as the scene progressed. Karmen bent her over the sink to savor her juicy slit, spreading her ass cheeks and spanking her before diddling her cookie to a frothy orgasm by fingering her. Natasha then reciprocated well enough, I just wished for more.


Scene Six: Zoey Monroe, Ryan Ryans, and Raven Rockette, were then up last in what appeared to be a warehouse or stage area as cheerleader Zoey was pounced upon by the two dark fiends. It was a slow seduction and Raven sort of bowed out early on as Ryan and Zoey focused on each other orally and caressing each other, Ryan’s bald beaver still looking tasty.

Summary: Lesbian Vampire Academy by director David Edwards for Hustler Video was terrible as a feature given there was almost no feature aspects to the movie, the lesbian trysts themselves containing precious few moments of true lust, and yet the cast was replete with attractive young babes that served as spank bank fodder so I rated it a mighty generous Rent It. Carter Cruise looked stunning, as did August Ames, Zoey Monroe, and some of the others but the gash gobbling and toy use was very basic, few inspired moments of lust and other aspects made this one to walk into with knowledge of its limitations. In short, as low budget as Lesbian Vampire Academy appeared to have been, I can hardly fault the director for making a turkey given the strength of the expansive cast of cuties but the scenes were short too so don’t expect a lot of quality undead moments here or you’ll be sorely disappointed.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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