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This Ain't Fast & Furious XXX


Studio: Hustler Video » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 10/13/14


XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

 

This Ain’t Fast & Furious XXX: This Is A Parody

Hustler Video

Genre: Parody

Director: Andre Madness

 

Cast: Cassandra Cruz, Will Powers, Mischa Brooks, Karlo Karrera, Sasha Heart, Ryan Ryans, Courtney Shea, Xander Corvus, Aimee Black

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Non-sex roles: James Bartholet, Silvia Joy, Mia Herley, Kyle Stone, Wizzard, Steve, Amy Hunter, Raymes, Terminator, Crash, Christie, Love Lee, Annie Palange, Christian, Greg, Sabrina Addams, Cece Shine, Susie

Length: 115:34 minutes

Date of Production: 2014

 

Extras: There was spam, trailers to various other movies, and a slide show but that was all.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: This Ain’t Fast & Furious XXX was presented in anamorphic widescreen as shot by director Andre Madness for Hustler Video. Flicktor was a second camera operator and Digital Dave Williams handled special effects, Sir Licks A Twat taking care of editing while the aural components were taken care of courtesy of Frank Armitage. The special effects were admittedly spotty as some looked like low end computer game work from some years back while others, specifically the ending scene, clearly showed the car in a warehouse despite the car engine noises and speedometer sporting speeds hovering around 90 MPH after the lightweight green screen effects. The lighting varied a great deal in the sex scenes and the feature elements were so lacking that you won’t care about them. The surprise for me was that the vocals were not bad and some of the music sounded reasonably along the lines of the kinds of music populating some of the volumes of the mainstream series but none of it was credited so there was no way to give credit where due.

 

Body of Review: Andre Madness has been directing porn for some time now, his specialty niche work favored among a number of folks I’ve talked to. His work for Hustler Video has not resonated as strongly with audiences but I was asked to look at the forthcoming This Ain’t Fast & Furious XXX, a parody of the mainstream Hollywood series coming out later this month. With Xander Corvus bearing a passing similarity to the now deceased Paul Walker and Karlo Karrera looking ever so slightly like Dwayne Johnson, I was half curious why a certain lookalike for Vin Diesel was not included here. That said, the ladies included sexy Mischa Brooks, Cassandra Cruz, and Ryan Ryans so I went into the flick with an open mind, just not an empty head. Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

 

Scene One: The Meet: Cassandra Cruz, the curvy Latina featured on the left side of the front cover, was up first with Will Powers in a dumpy little dive. After a silly but cute flashback montage, he lifted her black dress to dive right into her yummy ass, gobbling her gash on the black love seat as she spread her legs to reveal her bald beaver. In return, she nuzzled his nuts and slobbed his knob briefly, leading to a few positions of active vaginal riding before he slowly porked her perfect pucker. The anal was short and milked his nuts dry of semen, Will tossing it across her ass and back as his no longer turgid pecker swayed around during their ending kiss.

 

Scene Two: My Crew Has My Back: Mischa Brooks, the lean gal with red hair shown on the front cover (second from the far right side), was up next in a similarly lame location on a red couch with Karlo Karrera. She was wearing a body suit having just been in some really low grade special effects, Karlo’s hands pawing her as he helped her remove her attire to reveal a world class ass. He rimmed her and caressed her juicy ass, Mischa inhaling his cock until he was rock hard, applying some hand to gland friction as she readied him for fucking. Her eye contact was solid and she provided a degree of enthusiasm missing in some of the other scenes, her vaginal penetration positions draining his dragon without the anal I was hoping for here. His sperm plastered her crotch and lower torso, the sweaty duo not given much time to savor the afterglow of the moment.

 

Scene Three: The Chase: Sasha Heart and Ryan Ryans, both fetching young ladies built for speed over comfort, were up next in the ladies bathroom after a cameo by goofy Kyle Stone as an officer came across as worse than James’ in the previous scene. The ladies ate each other in turns, bending over the sink area with some fingering before a small vibrator was used on their precious puckers. I know that most people do not consider using a toy on an ass as qualifying as “anal”, neither do I, but they both had sleek bodies with strong legs and nice asses that looked good regardless of what they did or didn’t do. After exploring each other with toys and tongues, the ladies rubbed their crotches together and kissed, no explanation given at the end.

 

Scene Four: Laying Low: Courtney Shea, the slutty gal shown on the far right side of the front cover, was up next in a basic bedroom set as she went crazy hiding out waiting for Xander Corvus. She bemoaned the fact that they were in a low grade location sitting on tons of money, her loose red top and slutty booty shorts with stripper shoes not enough to inspire him until she put on a skimpy bikini which was silly given the small orange inflatable wading pool he set up in the room for her. She went to slap him but he stopped her, grabbing her as their energies were directed in a sexual tryst instead. He tossed her to the bed and pawed her, her hands roaming all over his body as well. She sucked him off and then vaginally rode his rock hard erection, the vaginal sex helping her let loose the juice as his own sperm freely flowed all over her crotch.

 

Scene Five: A Sunday Drive: Aimee Black, a brunette with tattoos and a partially shaven head, was up last with Xander Corvus as she saved him during a stunt involving a tanker truck. He found his way inside the car and she blew him, the effect greatly diminished during the second half of the oral only endeavor as the special effects looked like the busget ran out of money aside from him pretending to drive fast as she inhaled his cock until he lost his wad of spew.

Summary: This Ain’t Fast & Furious XXX by director Andre Madness for Hustler Video fell way short when it came to the feature elements and the sexual trysts were fairly generic on most levels but this would qualify as the “Super Creepy Rob Lowe” version of the movie going straight to late night cable on the Hustler channel, fair enough a look at the popular show to merit a respectable Rent It on a slow night during the middle of the week. The music was pretty solid and the ladies all looked suitably slutty but it looked cobbled together on a low budget almost the entire time, making This Ain’t Fast & Furious XXX the latest parody based more on the name than anything else.


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You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon



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