XCritc.com Adult DVD Reviews
Popular Searches:
Porn Reviews » Adult Movie Reviews » Horny Online Hook Ups

Horny Online Hook Ups


Studio: Airerose Entertainment » Review by Bobby B. » Review Date: 2/27/15


XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Category: All Sex

Studio:

 

Cast: Brooklyn Daniels/Isabella De Santos/Anya Ivy/Jade Jantzen/Rose Monroe/Chad alva/Ralph Long/J Mac

Director: Uncredited

Extras: Photo Gallery/BTS/Trailers

Release Date: 2/2/2015

Runtime: 97 Mins

Click on the photo above to watch the trailer for 'Horny Online Hookups'!

 

*Scene 1:

Brooklyn Daniels/Uncredited

The premiere scene in Airerose's Horny Online Hookups kicks off as we see Brooklyn Daniels on her cellphone with her apparent boyfriend, having a bit of a tussel before hanging up in anger. Afterwards, an uncredited male steps in and consoles her, eventually showing her an online dating site that has supposedly worked wonders for him in the past. Brooklyn goes into it all rather hesitantly, but ultimately she decides to take the plunge. The upcoming segment consists of her and her roommate talking with her "online hookup" before they decide to go and meet up with him. The meeting takes place on a desolate beach of all places, where Brooklyn decides to bring her new buddy back to her place and ditch her roomate, who was failing miserably at playing the comic relief in this god-awful scene setup. The intro is painfully extensive, with terrible acting and some of the absolute worst online dating guidelines I've ever seen (If the guy asks you to meet him in the middle of nowhere, I think it should probably set off some serious red flags, just saying). Anyways, once the scene moves back to Brooklyn's place, there's even more pointless conversation, leading up to the introductory blowjob that takes place on the toilet. Fitting. The blowie is decent at best, performed in a rather hollow manner with some makeshift ball-licks from Brooklyn in an attempt to keep her stunt cock's attention. Sex soon sets in with a standing doggie style fuck, as the couple has now moved into the shower where our featured starlet gives some lifeless moans as her uncredited male counterpart thrusts his johnson inward. Things progress as poorly as one would expect, with both parties engaging in a lackluster sexual encounter that ends after two minor position changes before the dude fires off his ball snot over Brooklyn's face to close it out. This was not a good scene by any stretch, from the second that it began it was bad, and it only got worse. 

 

 

*Scene 2: 

-- sponsored by --

Jade Jantzen/Uncredited

 

The next scene begins with yet another uncredited stunt cock parousing the internet, before chatting with Jade Jantzen in a makeshift Skype session of sorts. After Jade opens up and tells her new pal that she's a model, he asks if it's ok for her to come over to his place so he can snap some photos. The intro is again loaded with some hilariously terrible acting, cutting oddly through various points before the eventual action takes place in a kitchen setting. Jade is dressed in only a pink bra and panties here, falling to her knees in the coming moments to start in on the the pre-sex blowjob. It's shot from a side angle, giving us a look at Jade as she slurps "dude's" love nozzle lethargically before the sex sets in with some standing doggie style fucks. Action again comes to a halt after the sex has begun, with our stunt cock asking Jade to pose for some photo stills in the middle of the scene, causing me to rip what's left of my hair out. I mean, what the fuck? Anyways, things get moving again soon afterwards, with some quick position changes and mostly lifeless sex running the course of the scene. It's all haphazardly shot and performed, and makes for a pretty good 'what not to do' guide when making a porn movie. The final moments consist of "dude" jerking his dong over Jade's face, as she closes her mouth in hopes of not getting her makeup ruined and collecting her paycheck. I'd have to say that this scene encapsulates mainly everything that is awful about carelessly churned out porn content. Sorry, not sorry. 

 

 

*Scene 3: 

Anya Ivy/Ralph Long

Anya Ivy kicks off the third scene in the film, gradually getting naked out of her casual pornwear as she takes some selfies for the home viewers. The intro doubles as a tease of sorts, happening pretty quickly before she randomly gets on her computer for the online hookup sequence. Ralph Long plays the role of Anya's "hookup", picking her up in his car after a brief online conversation between the two. Things get down and dirty rather quickly this time (thank god), with Anya chomping on Ralph's choad before the introductory sex happens in a missionary style fuck. The sex is far better than the rest of the film's given us so far, showing a bit more energy and a good enough chemistry to summarize for a decent scene. It progresses through a variety of quick position changes, with an adequate energy that's mostly negated by poor camerawork. It all gets pretty long before the final moments, concluding with Ralph blasting a sizeable load of dick juice over Anya's stomach and breasts to close it out. Even though this scene was leaps and bounds above the first two, I couldn't possibly say that it was good by any stretch. They'd be better off just setting up a fixed camera. 

 

 

*Scene 4: 

Isabella De Santos/J Mac

The beautiful Isabella De Santos is the focal point of the next scene in the film, as things open up with J Mac scrolling through his phone before eventually coming across her photo. Things begin a lot like the previous scene did, with a quick conversation leading up to the meet, as we see Isabella dressed casually in a sundress upon her introduction. J Mac soon takes her back to his place, with action setting in with some fairly sloppy dicksucks from Isabella to get it moving, before some solid sex takes place in the coming moments. It all unravels quite well through the course of the scene, having a pretty authentic feel and a nice chemistry that helps the tone translate pretty well overall to the viewer. Things cap off with J Mac dropping his load over Isabella's chin in the final stages, as she gives him a couple of cock-kisses as the screen fades. I'd say that this was a great scene in comparison to the rest of the film, but in the big scheme of things it's pretty run of the mill. 

 

 

*Scene 5: 

Rose Monroe/Chad Alva

Blowjob Only

The final scene in Airerose's Horny Online Hookups begins as we see Chad Alva surfing the web, before coming across Rose Monroe and chatting with her for a few moments. They eventually set up a meeting, where Chad goes to an unspecified location and watches Rose Monroe give him a classic striptease to open up the scene. The tease intro is pretty nice, showcasing the big-bootied beauty stripping down for us out of a blue bikini top and wearing some blinged out high heels to finalize the look. The action unfortunately consists of only a blowjob, with anything that is really good about it wearing off quite quickly as the scene ultimately drags on for an eternity before capping off with some cum bubbles spurted from Alva's dong. It reverts into what we saw from the rest of the movie, placing itself neatly in the pack of forgettable content that will lie forever in my closet collecting dust particles.

 

 

*Summary: 

Horny Online Hookups from Airerose Entertainment left me at a loss for words when trying to describe it, running for only 97 minutes but seeming like an endless eternity of mundane plot setups leading into predictably bad sex with a predictably bad ending. I tried and tried to imagine if there was a reason for the poor lighting and careless camerawork, thinking maybe there was a point to it all, but I landed at the conclusion that it's just an uninspired movie that has nothing to offer in terms of good porn. I'd hardly say that it's indicative of what Airerose is capable of, noting that they've certainly released some significant titles as of late, but I'd have to say that this one is definitely the bottom of the barrel for them. It's almost upsetting at times; this movie had me unnerved in so many ways. I understand that porn is supposed to be fun, but when it's done at the expense of the viewer then what's the point? I fully understand why the director left his name out of the credits (considering that it was only filmed by one person), because I would have done the same thing if I put any amount of work into a movie, only to come out with a finished product that even slightly resembled this one. Extras consist only of a 7 minute BTS segment, and a few trailers from other Airerose titles to round it out. Don't waste your time on this movie, if you see it at the store knock it off of the shelf and give the clerk a dirty look. Skip It. 


--------------------------------------------------

i apologize for any grammatical errors, i was beating off when i wrote this.

Follow me on twitter @ ThePornoNerd
ThePornoNerd.tumblr.com



comments powered by Disqus
Popular Reviews


Naughty Natasha
Anal Savages 3
Blacked Out 8
Angela Volume Three
Swallowed.com Volume 11
Disciplined Teens 8
Fucking The Neighbors
Threesome Fantasies Volume 2
Pirates 2 Stagnetti's Revenge
Undercover


Featured Reviews


Get XCritic Via Email:

Enter your email address:


Delivered by FeedBurner