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Vagnificent Seven, The

Studio: Other » Review by J.W. Sharp » Review Date: 10/23/16

XCritic's Advice: Recommended


Genre: Lesbian Western


Cast: Lily Cade, Audrey Noir, Lotus Lain, September Reign, Vera Drake, Amber Ivy, Sadie Pop, Norah Nova

Director/Writer: Adam Christopher (a.k.a. Tarantino XXX)

Length: 108 min.

Release Date: Sept. 23, 2016

Condoms: None

Extras: BTS and blooper reel

Video/Audio: Varies with each scene. The video is digital full frame while the audio goes from mono to 2-channel stereo.

Overview: This is Adam Christopher's unusual but creative fantasy film that parodies Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds and The Hateful Eight. In fact the original title was The Hatemen Eight which he should have stuck with. It's a patchwork hodgepodge that seams together scenes from Adam's website and newly shot footage for the release. It's interesting if not very well executed.


Scene One: Norah Nova


The movie opens with a “porn overture”, which is Norah Nova masturbating over a musical score. Not much to say here. Norah rubs out an orgasm before cumming again with a vibrator. And that's about it.


Scene Two: Vera Drake and Sadie Pop

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In an alternate universe lesbianism rules the world and straight sex is banned. Any person caught having straight sex is punished to slavery. The story opens in the wild west where Ruth “The Hangwoman”, played by Lily Caid, is bringing in her prisoner Audrey Noir. They stop in a “hoebadashary” (cute) and meet two strangers, former slave turned bounty hunter Django Freewoman (Lotus Lain) and Christine Womannix, the town sheriff (Amber Ivy).


We flashback to inside a movie theater (like in any other QT film this is explained later). On the screen is a lesbian movie that parodies Inglourious Basterds from Tarantino XXX's website. Sadie Pop has Vera Drake in a cage, Sadie dressed in a Nazi uniform with women symbols instead of swastikas on the sleeves. With a dog collar around her neck Sadie pulls her out to have sex with her. She starts kissing her before bending her over to eat her ass out. She slaps her ass and rubs her pussy spreading it open for the camera to see. Sadie sits her in a chair and spreads her legs apart to eat her pussy. The sound is really muffled here so you can't really make out what they're saying to each other. She rubs and licks Vera's pussy until she cums. Sadie then puts Vera on all fours and smacks her ass with a paddle. She then flips her over and finger bangs her to another orgasm. She then stands her up and rubs her pussy from behind before laying her back down and eating her out. Vera starts undressing Sadie and Sadie pulls out a vibrating wand. (Did they have those in the wild west? Maybe in Tarantino XXX's alternate world.) Anyway, she rubs Vera's pussy with it and makes her cum before finger banging her some more. Sadie then sits in a chair and it's Vera's turn to finally lick some pussy. She eats Sadie out before using the wand on her bringing her to an intense orgasm. After that they embrace as a slave and master. This isn't really a bad scene. The audio is just so horrible, but it is nicely shot and Sadie and Vera look great.


Scene Three: September Reign and Jessica Ryan


Back at the hoebadashery Lily, Lotus and Amber are sitting around eyeing each other with contempt. It should be pointed out here that there is no dialog outside of the sex scenes in this movie. Enter Major Martha Warren, another former slave and bounty hunter played by September Reign. We're introduced to her character by a flashback scene of her when she was a slave putting on shows for lesbians. In this show she's having sex with Jessica Ryan in another scene pulled from Taratino XXX's website. This is actually a nice well shot standard interracial lesbian scene on a white leather couch and modern art on the wall that couldn't have been made in the 1800's. Welcome to Tarantino XXX's world. Anyway, the scene starts with September and Jessica kissing and caressing in their underwear. The strip each other September licks and sucks Jessica's pale white breast. She very lightly feels her pussy through her panties before pulling them off and licking her beautiful hairy pussy. September tenderly and sweetly licks and sucks on Jessica's pussy lips. She works her way to fingering her before she really goes to town on her pussy, tonguing it, bringing her to a sweet orgasm. It's then September's turn. Still wearing her panties, Jessica gently tickles September's pussy from the outside, pinching and playing with it, driving September crazy. Jessica pulls her panties off sweetly and slowly fingers her. September moans with pleasure as Jessica fingers her sopping wet ebony pussy. She finger bangs her to a beautiful orgasm. Jessica continues to manipulate September's pussy with her fingers, working three and four in at a time making her cum again. After making her glistening wet pussy have multiple orgasms, Jessica gets on all fours and September eats her from behind. September licks and sucks on her pussy before flipping over and having Jessica sit on her face. Jessica bucks as she cums on September's mouth and face. The scene ends with them kissing and caressing each other. This is a very hot scene, that again is out of place in the film.


Scene Four: September Reign and Amber Ivy


We're back to the present day at the hoebadashary. September Reign is confronting Amber Ivy in one of the worst green screen effects I've ever seen. As the others look on September and Ivy start making out. September undresses Ivy, kissing her ginger red headed body and sucking her pert nipples. She works her way down to her pussy and gently eats it out. She laps up her clit and lips making Ivy cum. The camera switches back and forth showing two different angles of the action (good job Adam). After she cums it's September's turn to be licked. She sits it the chair and Ivy spits and licks on September's pussy. I'm going to give Adam Christopher the benefit of the doubt that he was inspired by Quentin Tarantino's jump cutting from Death Proof here. It's very disjointed. Ivy licks September's gorgeous pussy making her cum, then there's another jump. Christopher does something here that always irks me. We can hear him say “Action” between takes. Very sloppy and lazy. September sits in another chair and Ivy pulls out a dildo. She works it in and out of September's pussy while she rubs her clit. I love watching September when she cums. Her expressions are priceless, especially when they are gentle orgasms like these. Ivy then climbs up and sits on September's face. September rubs her own pussy as Ivy convulses on her face. They go into a 69. It's a thing of beauty watching Ivy's lily white body and September's chocolate brown body intertwined in sweet interracial lesbian love. After making September's juicy pussy cum, Ivy lays in a missionary position while September eats her to one more orgasm.


Scene Five: Lotus Lain, Audrey Noir, and Lily Caid


Lotus begins to suspect something about Audrey and about how she came into Lily's capture. We flash back to the theater with Audrey standing behind screen watching the lesbian movie from before. In a great sequence of very cheesy special effects, the final scene from Inglourious Basterds is duplicated. Audrey burns down the theater while a film of her sucking cock plays on the screen which goes up in flames. This awesome spectacle needs to be seen to be believed. Back to the present, after Lily explains Audrey's story, she pulls a gun on Lotus. Ivy and September, both beautifully naked, reach for their guns also. Lotus summons Audrey over to her, removes her coat and finds her wearing nothing but a corset and no panties, revealing her sweet hairless pussy. In full Django character she takes charge ordering Audrey to sit on the table. She spreads her legs open and starts licking her pussy. In the most vocal scene, Lotus tongues, licks and munches on Audrey's snatch. Lotus undresses and takes Audrey's corset off kneading and slapping her tits and sucking her nipples. Audrey starts sucking Lotus's tits before getting on all fours allowing Lotus to eat her from behind. All the while Lily is getting incredibly horny watching this. She joins in, first lightly whipping Audrey with Lotus's whip then pulling a blue strap on out of her pants for Audrey to suck on. While Audrey sucks on it Lotus is fingering her pussy fro underneath. She then stands Audrey up and bends her over the table to fuck her from behind with the strap on. While Lily fucks her from behind Lotus lays spread eagle on the table letting Audrey eat her out. Audrey and Lotus both cum at the same time as Lily plows into her from behind. Lily then lays Audrey on the table and fucks her missionary. She fingers her first as Lotus spits on her pussy before Lily enters her and Lotus sits on Audrey's face and manipulates her tits. After Lotus cums on Audrey's face she gets on all fours. Lily then starts whipping her ass, prompting Lotus to remind her that her days of being whipped are over (funny). So in return Lily inserts her blue dick into Lotus's pussy and fucks her doggy style. Audrey lays down spread eagle and Lotus eats her out as she cums. They then form a daisy chain with Lily fucking Audrey from behind while Audrey eats Lotus's ass out. After all of this it's Lily's turn to get licked. She takes off her pants and strap on and lays on the table. Audrey eats her as Lotus sucks her tits. Audrey then finger bangs her for a little bit before Lotus takes over and drives her to town, fingering her to a major orgasm. The scene ends with Lily and Lotus agreeing to share Audrey.


Overview: Just like his namesake there's only one thing you can say about Tarantino XXX, either you get him or you don't. The marriage of porn with bad exploitation might could work if executed right. Here you appreciate what he is trying to achieve. Unfortunately the film is so disjointed with material added from the outside and the technical mistakes. Still when it works it's great. You just wished it worked more often. This movie is available on VOD from Adult Empire however a special edition dvd is available through his website at http://thetarantinoofporn.wixsite.com/tarantinoxxx/home. I'm going to recommend it but only because I get it.  And also Adam, if you're reading this, you REALLY should have stuck with the original title The Hatemen Eight.  It's much more fitting.




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