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Porn The Game


Studio: Other » Review by Don Juan DeMarko » Review Date: 2/9/17


XCritic's Advice: XCritic Pick

It has been something that I think porn fans have wanted for years. Hell, I think it is something that many different types of people all shapes and forms, from the most stuffy, to the most free of spirits has wanted. A game that gives you a taste of the industry mixed with some great humor and a raunchy vibe that makes your bosses wife smirk at when she is playing. After reading about this game in a certain adult magazine, I was stoked beyond belief to take a look see at what all the hype was that was bringing this game to a national spotlight. The premise is simple, it is a game that involves booze, lots of buddies and a rather loose amount of morals, well, ....not really, but a little perversion in your diet does not hurt. The cards are marketed as a throw back to when porn was in it's golden age and after seeing this game in so many circles in the adult industry, I figured it was time for Xcritic and Don Juan DeMarko and his day crew to get involved.

Porn The Game

First off, I can tell you that I have played this game with friends who are in the adult industry. Be it that there are few things better than playing a card game with a bunch of porn stars, I figured the way to really give this game it's real test, was to take this game and deal out some smut among the people I work with at my day job. Now, the setting was New Years Eve because I wanted to give this Beta test a real run with people who had outlooks that were not as liberal, loose or what ever you wanted to call them being that I am a writer and critic in the adult industry. I announced weeks ahead, that I was going to be bringing this game to our party in order to give fans a real sense of if they can play this game with their spouses, with friends, with co-workers and the complete stranger who accompanies one of your co-workers and drinks up most of the booze at any type of get together. Most of the time, that person would be me, but in the sense of giving a true review, like I would film in this wonderful industry, I was the moderator observing how good things gelled with so many people from all walks of life who would have views that varied, because I know bringing a porn came is not always the easiest thing to do at any get together, at least I though it was.

Porn The Game

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The rules of this game are simple, be the first person to unload all of your cards and try and screw the rest of your fellow players any way you can. It is almost like a sexier version of UNO, with a lot more booze. The game only has a minimum requirement of three players and the rowdy bunch I was hanging with numbered thirteen in the beginning. There were skeptics when I planned this review and we had a few other people bring in back up games just in case things got a bit boring. The gang had Cards Against Humanity and some bullshit stoner game, the title of which I simply can not remember, but by the end of the night, there would be no need for anything else but this game. The cards really have a wonderful look and feel to them. This is not some cheap piece of shit that is going to disintegrate while you have your drunk cousins over and as they are loosing each round, they start getting drunker than a skunk and end up spilling more beer on the table and upon your glorious game, than they get down the hatch. As a matter of fact, we experienced a spill within five minutes of unloading the deck and the card that was totally drenched, is right here in my hand as I write this review, still as solid as the day it was cracked out of the deck. The rule book is hilarious and I thought a good way to get these people a bit more comfortable would be to let some of the more conservative folks, or at least I thought they were, take a look at what the hype was all about. When you scroll to the end of the first page of instructions, your one rule is to yell "BONER!" if you have only one card left. If you fail to do so, your opponents may yell "COCK BLOCK!" and that is your cue to take a shot and another card from the deck for being slow on your feet. The instructions soon had the entire party coming out into the living room to see what everyone was laughing their assess off about. It lead to this perverted poetry session, where everyone was taking turns and looking at the rule book and cracking a smile and laughing to the vulgar, raunchy, humorous rules as they read them aloud. Now, you can play this game sober if you like, each card has red highlighted amount of text that gives you an alternate route to enjoy the game. I, in all honesty, think any way you play you will have a blast. Booze is my recommendation, because it will loosen up the crowd, especially if this is something you are thinking about adding to your game night with friends. As the hype began to build, everyone was really excited to play this game. I was excited because needless to say, there are not many things in my "night" job that I can bring to the table with my "day" job.

Porn The Game

Once we had everybody with drink in hand we began to dish out the cards. Once again the rules are simple, take four cards each and leave the rest easily accessible, especially of you are with a rowdy bunch that can't handle their booze. The game goes round like your standard style card game until someone loses all their cards and is declared the winner. The twists and turns that this game can bring is something that is unique. The individual cards were very well thought out, you can tell once you get this game going, that the designers had fun in mind and not just dollar signs by the little things that keep things flowing. If you are expecting some cheap ass game with paper thin cards and poorly designed graphics, you are in for the surprise of your life. After a few rounds, I began to notice the amount of competition in a great way that this game creates. I found couples were purposely going after each other in order to make the other look foolish in some way. There was a few husband and wife teams that kept getting the other kicked out and playing the "Jerk Off" card, a card that if you hand it to someone they keep it, but if they tell you to go go fuck yourself you keep the card and loose a turn. The couples friends kept resurrecting the other with the Necrophilia card, which is a card that has an image of this old geezer fucking a skeleton doggie style and brings any player kicked out of the game into the filth. The laughs simply never stopped during these games and we played more than a few times.

Porn The Game

The amount of fun that can be brought into the mix was evident once people knew how to play. I found that no matter the person, people began to play cards they may have been a little timid from playing the last game. For instance, one of my amazingly perverted buddies and co-workers got a card that allowed him to basically act like he was stroking his junk to any player he liked and if he did, they had to draw two cards from the deck. It made for a hilarious set up, that every time the game may have begun to go one way, he air-stroked his imaginary cock at someone and the whole group would erupt into fierce laughter. One of my favorite moments was that I drew a card that had the rule that I could not curse until my next turn. The first game I was running shit like a champ but by the second game, I was burying myself in the most comic way possible. Anyone who knows me, knows that profanity is my second language and in one round of the game, here I was cursing up a storm, making up small talk and yakking away and as every curse word was flying, the other players where just sitting back trying not to bust out hysterically as the dealer was handing me card after card for violating my vow. It was not until I looked around, that I saw everyone trying to keep a straight face, that I saw the pile of cards with my name on it. The moment was something I will never forget. I am a person who loves these types of games, all makes and models and it had been a long time since the memory of a game night sticks so boldly in my memory. Everyone we shared that night with simply does not bring up that we were having this game of craziness play itself out during New Years Eve, no, everybody just remembers it as the night we tested out Porn the Game. I think that stands alone for being something that makes this game my first ever Xcritic pick. Because I believe that something has to appeal to everyone in order to achieve that title and this game did just that. People were fascinated by the action and it was something that had even the most quite person in room wanting a copy of their own once the night was complete and they had busted out of their shell.

Mercedes Carrera and Porn The Game

Of coarse, all games have a draw back and this game is no exception. In my opinion though, it is such a tiny draw back and one few parties will ever reach it is something that does not tarnish the rating of this game. Once more people began to arrive and we almost got the game up to sixteen, the clock strikes it took to get through one round was very time consuming, especially when the cards would make the game go in the opposite direction for the game to continue after a certain card was played. That was the only semi-negative reaction I got from the players going round after round with me that particular night. I thought this game had enough pop to survive such an outlook and when people where giving me feedback for this review, I wanted them to give me every angle so that the buyers out there in porn land would have a real feel for what this game consists of and what they can expect when they put down their hard earned dollars online to purchase this game. Seeing everyone's feedback, it was as if they did not want to even state something they did not like and a few did not have anything bad to say at all, because even when they were seeing the action go around among sixteen people, they were laughing their assess off to all the drunken hi-jinx and that is half the fun of this game.

Kalina Ryu and Porn The Game

Don Juan's Bottom Line:

This game simply brought such a great deal of fun and joy with my co-workers and friends. I had to immediately go online when they were available and bought each one a copy as a gift. Every single one gladly excepted the gift with joy and are still remembering that night that took place more than a month ago. The session we had went until about five in the morning. I indeed had my co-workers partying like porn stars and they loved every minute of it. This is a true testimonial. I mentioned earlier that I had friends bring Cards Against Humanity to the party as a back up and they had a deck that was so massive, it was ridiculous. After we retired for a quick smoke break after a game, we saw that people were beginning to break out the other game. Once we shared a drink and a smoke outside, I came back in to find that they were putting away Cards Against Humanity and wanted to play another round of Porn The Game. That ladies and gentleman is what five star quality is in my book. This Xcritic Pick is something that I think will be a hit with any crew. I myself had the Holiday Addition. It came with all expansion packs and has this cool little addition of a timer and dry erase board that adds some cool bonuses to an already dynamite game. The price tag is great, at only $39.99 I was able to get a game that has already been asked about for another round, at the next company get together. It is that type of buzz that shows you have something worth taking a look at. I recommend going all out and buying each expansion. It proved to be worth every penny and I have to once again say, that this game is something that is a must own in this industry and can be enjoyed by virtually anybody. Bravo to those folks at GameCrafter.com and the amazing souls who designed this labor of love, because it is just that and it shows in every hilarious card and wonderful moment that is shared in a card game so well done. No matter if it is the little niches that play homage to this great industry like The Cable Guy Card or the Chastity Belt, or it is the amount of booze that can be consumed in one damn card game, the only thing I can say is this,.....Bravo! Or should I say "BONER!"

Don Juan

 

 

 

Porn The Game


"With in you heart, mind and soul."



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