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Losers Never Get Laid

Studio: Adam & Eve » Review by J.W. Sharp » Review Date: 2/18/18

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Genre: Comedy Feature


Cast: Connor Kennedy, Katie Morgan, Alexa Grace, Mercedes Carrera, Britney Amber, Kleio Valentien, Miranda Miller, Skylar Snow, Sasha Heart, Tommy Pistol, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, Ron Jeremy (non-sex)

Writer/Director: Dick Chibbles

Release Date: Jan. 26, 2018

Length: 1 hr. 32 min.

Condoms: None

Extras: 30 min. short film “The Couch Surfer”, Photo Gallery, Previews of five Adam & Eve films, Web info and Phone Sex info


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Overview: In a film reminiscent of Woody Allen's Play It Again Sam, the apparition of porn legend Ron Jeremy teaches ultra nerd Connor Kennedy the art of scoring with women in writer and director Dick Chibbles very funny adult comedy Losers Never Get Laid. Clocking in at only a little over 90 minutes, it's a light breezy comedy in which Chibbles has assembled some of the most drop dead beautiful women in the biz today, delivering some fine performances with hilarious dialog, mainly from the great Ron Jeremy, enveloping some very well shot sex scenes.


Scene One: Kleio Valentien and Tommy Pistol


Connor Kennedy narrates is life as a five time loser with zero confidence or swagger, who's still pining away at his ex-girlfriend Mercedes Carrera who left him five years ago. His best friend, played by the extremely talented Tommy Pistol who appears to be channeling the Howard Walowitz character from The Big Bang Theory here, isn't much better even though he has the courage to buy and escort every now and then. The scene starts with one of them played by Kleio Valentien sucking his cock. She licks and sucks on his bone before laying back and spreading her legs for Tommy to go down on her.


Tommy licks and sucks on her pussy getting her nice and wet for his stiff cock which he sticks inside of her in a spooning position. Kleio rubs her clit while Tommy fucks her pussy making her cum before Tommy starts fucking her missionary. With one leg on his shoulder he drives his dick in and out of her before the scene transitions to Kleio riding his cock cowgirl. She bucks her hips and twerks on him making herself cum over and over on his cock before he eventually pulls out and shoots a load on her ass.


Scene Two: Britney Amber and Tommy Gunn


Tommy invites Connor to a double date with his date's friend, the beautiful and talented Britney Amber. She sees the date is going nowhere and skips out on them to fuck Tommy Gunn in the bathroom. They go to one of the stalls to make out. Connor gets caught watching them by the restaurant's owner and gets thrown out. Meanwhile Amber is going down on Tommy in the stall, lovingly sucking his cock and balls. The shot transitions to Tommy eating Amber's pussy on the bathroom sink. He munches on her box making her cum in his mouth over and over.


We then get a shot of Amber riding Tommy's cock, bouncing and grinding on it while she rubs her clit to several more orgasms. She sucks her juices off and Tommy starts fucking her doggy. He pounds his cock in and out of her until she cums again before they fuck missionary. With wide eyed wonder at Tommy's prowess Britney has several more incredible orgasms from his cock before Tommy jacks his jizz on her pretty blond patch.


Scene Three: Sasha Heart and Skylar Snow


While lying in the back alley behind the restaurant, Connor finds a magazine with Ron Jeremy and wishes Ron could show up to help him with women. The next morning his wish is granted and Ron is sitting in his living room, or an apparition of him at least that no one else can see. Ron starts by telling him he needs a new wardrobe and to put on his best outfit, because they're going to a strip club. He then feeds Connor a line to tell strippers Sasha and Skylar involving them eating each other's pussies. They fall for it and start by giving Connor a lap dance.


Eventually they're making out which leads to Skylar going down on Sasha's pussy. She sweetly eats and nibbles at it making Sasha shake when she cums in her mouth. She has a couple of sweetly intense orgasms and then it cuts to Skylar sitting on Sasha's mouth, Sasha's mouth engulfing Skylar's pussy while she masturbates, sending Skylar over the top. After Skylar cums we cut to the two as they 69 with both of them licking and fingering each other's pussies until they beautifully cum on each other's tongues and fingers.


Scene Four: Mercedes Carrera and Evan Stone


Connor starts to get Ron's message that it's not about what you say to woman. It's about he attitude you exhibit while saying it. Ron then sees a picture of Mercedes Connor still has and shows him as she is today, laying on the couch eating popcorn (which even that, Mercedes can look sexy). The plastic surgeon she left Connor for, Evan Stone, comes in and Mercedes asks in a valley girl voice is he wants to watch a movie. Evan suggests instead that they make ANOTHER movie, and with camera in hand they start making out, which is too much for Connor and he and Ron leave. Evan pulls down Mercedes' panties and goes down on her, simply devouring her pussy. He fingerbangs her to an orgasm and then Mercedes starts sucking his cock.


She gets him good and hard for Evan to fuck her missionary on the couch. He slides his cock in and out for sweet pussy and never misses a beat as he makes Mercedes cum in his cock. We then transition to Evan fucking her doggy style, both of them mugging to the camera while she backs her beautiful ass back and forth, fucking Evans cock while he stands there enjoying it. He then starts pounding her ass, his balls slapping her clit, bringing her to another orgasm when it cuts to them spooning. He fucks her from behind with a firm grasp of her tit while she rubs her clit to another orgasm before he shoots his load on her face. Yet another fantastic performance from the incredible Mercedes Carrera.


Scene Five: Katie Morgan, Alexa Grace, Miranda Miller and Connor Kennedy


Ron gets Connor ready for his big night and delivers a terrific and nicely written pep talk about having confidence and self esteem to succeed in life. By now Connor has ditched his glasses and bought a new outfit for his big night to pick up a girl. Ron tells him to flirt with two women at the bar (Alexa and Miranda) and to talk to a woman sitting alone (the ALWAYS terrific Katie Morgan). Soon, by exerting confidence and using all of Ron's techniques, Connor has all three of them in his bed, beautiful asses in the air and taking turns sucking his cock. After getting his dick nice and hard, Katie starts eating Alexa's pussy with Miranda eating her ass and pussy from behind. Katie then shares Alexa's pussy with Connor and he sucks and nibbles on her lips and clit until she cums in his mouth.


After Miranda gets Katie's pussy dripping wet Katie lays back and spreads her legs for Connor. He slides his cock into her and fucks her beautiful pussy. The great Katie Morgan takes his cock and fucks it like a pro before flipping over for him to fuck doggy style while she eats Miranda's pussy. Miranda orgasms in Katie's mouth before Connor starts spooning her. Katie and Alexa masturbate each other and cum on each other's hands while they watch Miranda have an intense orgasm on Connor's cock. Connor then fucks Alexa doggy while she eats Katie's pussy and Miranda sits on Katie's face, all three ladies cumming at the same time, Katie's legs stiffening and shaking while she orgasms in Alexa's mouth. They then all take turns sucking on Connor's very lucky cock before cumming on all three's tits and faces. Terrific orgy scene punctuated by the amazing and legendary Katie Morgan.


Final Thoughts: The talented Dick Chibbles' resume as a director is short. This is his sixth film, and while he's done a lot of work both in front of and behind the camera, it's his work in the director's chair that always promises that you'll be entertained. He has an old school heart, delivering very well paced scenes in a tight, compact way. Not a lot of production or hoopla, just a good old fashioned porn film, with people simply having a good time fucking each other. There's a lot to like about this film. From the sharp and funny screenplay to the terrific performances from such greats as Katie Morgan, Mercedes Carrera, Britney Amber and of course, the incomparable Ron Jeremy. It's well shot, well acted, and there isn't really a lot to criticize about this one other than it's just a really good, really funny porn film, like the way they used to be, and I really enjoyed it. Recommended

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