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Fuck 'Em All

Studio: Other » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 12/22/02

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Fuck 'Em All

Digital Playground

Genre: All Sex, Anal, Inter-racial, Toys, Outdoor Sex, Lesbian

Director: Professor Mike

Cast: Tabitha Stevens, Ron Jeremy, Kyle Stone, Chris Cannon, Amber Michaels, Alec Metro, Mr Marcus, Dee, Alexandra Nice, Alexandra Silk, Mark Davis, Candy Apples, Rob

Length: 89 minutes

Date of Production: 6/4/99

Extra's: Audio Commentary (by Tabitha), slide show and photo's (from slide show), The box claims that there's a strip poker game for dvd- rom but I didn't see any menu selection for it.

Audio/Video Quality: The video is clear and usually well shot. The orgy would have benefitted from having more camera's and overall the lighting was solid as well. The audio track was actually very clear.

Body of Review: The dvd is a showpiece for Tabitha-every scene has her in it. If you like Tabitha-you'll love this dvd. It is the first in a series according to her. This volume has four sex scenes with the last one being an orgy. The movie includes, straight, multiple partners, oral, anal, DP, lesbian, strap on's, and inter racial.

Scene One: Tabitha and Ron on a couch. Ron is getting a bit old, fat and gross to be in front of the camera. Well "getting" isn't exactly the best term I suppose. Anyway, Tabitha told us how she made him shower before the scene. In the commentary, she explained that he smelled like some of the large amounts of food he eats. On the regular audio track, Ron told us how much he works out at the gym. Needless to say, it didn't show-maybe he should've sue his trainer.

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The two ended up having okay sex on the couch. Not much heat but Ron, thank you very much, left his shirt on. This kept the scene from being gross-Ron is fat and hairy (not a good combination in a porn movie). Ron is more of a curio these days and his sense of humor is an acquired taste.

Scene Two: Tabitha, Kyle and Chris had a threesome which started with her having both of their penises in her mouth at once while they were lying butt to butt with one another. I was beginning to think this would've been a bisexual movie at this point. Thankfully, it was not. Chris was having erection problems which made the scene less than fun. In the commentary, Tabitha explains that the reason Chris couldn't get hard was that he partied the night before and how he couldn't handle it. She spends most of this scene goofing on Chris. She also tells us how she "couldn't remember much" about it.

Scene Three: Tabitha, Alec and Amber in a van. Amber looked pretty good except for her bad breast job. Here's a few of Tabitha's comments about Alec: "Alec's a sick, disgusting pig. His dick is not too big, not too wide-good for anal." She comments about Amber: "Amber was tired and not feeling well." Finally, she told us how once she starts talking, she can't stop. The audio commentary proved her right. The sex was okay here too but not what I came to expect from any of these three.

Scene Four: The orgy with Tabitha, Mr Marcus, Dee, both Alexandra's, Mark, Candy, Rob, and Alec. You get to see Tabitha asking the guys about having a cock and she put on a strap_on to find out what it's like. The performers paired up initially and then joined others as the long (over 30 minutes) scene progresses. You get to see it all here too-DP's (one with Candy's mouth also filled-ie: a TP of sorts), anal, oral, and all the other listed stuff.
Here's a few choice comments from Tabitha: "Candy is a fucking maniac. Alec is a sicko. I'm so mad that the editors cut a lot of it out. I didn't know what the hell was going on. This is kinda boring." Technically, neither did the director by the looks of it. It had some really hot moments but you'll need to use your fast forward control a lot here. I tend to agree with the star on this scene-boring.

Summary: If you like Tabitha-you can't go wrong buying this. I think she's attractive but her really bad breast job was distracting. She even admited to this a few times in the commentary when she talked about "ripples" in them.
I liked the audio commentary-even though she babbled a lot. She has the ability to free associate and say whatever's on her mind. Even though it grates on your nerves-she seems honest which is a plus. The lighting and sound seemed good as well. A few of the women looked good and the men looked okay as well. My hangup is just how bad her breasts looked and that the actual scenes were not nearly as hot as they could've been.
Lastly, I've watched this one a few times since I got it. It's the kiss of death when a porno's audio commentary is better than the actual sex scenes. The good news is that the later two volumes in the series were better-I just wish they had commentaries too.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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