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Studio: Vivid » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 7/5/03

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

C-Men: Pussy's In Heat


Genre: Feature

Director: Robby D.

Cast: Kira Kener, Cheyne Collins, Fujiko Kano, Dale DaBone, TJ Cummings, Steven St. Croix, Eric Masterson
Non-sex roles by Mina, Mika Tan

Length: 85.5 minutes

Date of Production: 12/4/01

Extra's: 18.5 minute long Behind the Scenes feature, trailers, unrelated bonus scenes, photogalleries, double sided dvd cover, short Kira Kener biography, spam

Audio/Video Quality: The picture was presented in 1.33:1 ratio full frame color. The picture was lacking in lighting and that added grain with the typical color bleeding which bothers me so much. There were some compression artifacts too but not a lot. The audio was presented in stereo English and was generally clear with music that sounded like it came from a Jim Holliday movie.

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Body of Review: Almost everyone who has watched a porno has seen a spoof of some mainstream movie or another. Vivid has made a number of these over the years and the latest one on dvd is a little title called, C-Men: Pussy's In Heat. In this porn version of X-Men, a group of female mutants, led by Kira Kener, wants to take over the world using sexually enhanced powers. Anytime Kira has sex with a guy, he turns into a stuffed animal and anytime Fujiko has sex with a guy, he loses his dick (sounds like both would be great divorce lawyers). In any case, a group of guy superheroes, try to stop the gals from their evil plan. Camping it up in grand old style is a cast of half a dozen, all of whom spouted groaners like nobody's business. Here's a breakdown of the scenes by cast:

Scene One: Kira, dressed in that wonderfully decadent fishnet outfit she wore on the dvd cover, and Cheyne, had a scene on a bed. Oral and straight with a condom and she jerked him off to completion. I thought the scene was pretty average, neither good nor bad, and she could've used her breasts as they dangled in front of her rather than her hand to make it better.

Scene Two: Fujiko, or at least one of the hench-women (they were all dressed alike, all had the same face make-up, and were all of Asian descent), and Dale had a scene in the back room of a bar. Pretty good action here although some will complain that the oral, straight and condom sex wasn't hardcore enough for them. Dale as "Mr. Mirror", the world's most vain superhero, was cute.

Scene Three: Kira, back for some more action, took on TJ on a bed. Again, oral and straight with a condom but some warmth between the two-if only the lighting had been better to allow us to see the action more readily. Not bad.

Scene Four: Fujiko and Steven had a scene on a couch. Oral and straight with condom (imagine that). Steven as the "Green Goofus" was almost as funny as Dale's character. He did dump a large load on her body before she disappeared with his penis.

Scene Five: Kira and Eric had a scene on another couch. Similar action although their doggy added some heat to the proceedings. warm. I think his character was called, "The Ass" or "The Fart" since all he could do was break wind.

Summary: I believe that Vivid shot two movies at the same time, this one and it's sequel, although why they didn't release them together is one of those mysteries I'll have to live with. It seemed like the sex material was shot and then the pick up day (where the nonsex stuff is shot) must've been cancelled as the plot was even more lacking than usual. Take it as a fun little spoof of the superhero genre and you'll be okay here. For all it's limitations, I think this one rates a Rent It status but if the sequel has it all making sense, I'll revisit this rating if need be. If you like Asian women and corny lines, check it out.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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