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Ally McFeal

Studio: Passion Pictures » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 9/13/03

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

Ally McFeal

Passion Pictures

Genre: Feature

Director: Harold Merkin

Cast: Layla Jade, Marc Vega, Jade Marcela, James Bonn, Allysin Chaynes, Monique, Nancy Vee, Aurora, Ron Jeremy, TJ Hart, Herschel Savage, Temptress, Alec Metro
Non-sex role by Lexington Steele

Length: 75.5 minutes

Date of Production: 9/9/99

Extra's: 13.5 minutes of Behind the Scenes footage, photogallery

Audio/Video Quality: The picture was presented in 1.33:1 ratio full frame color. Sadly, this 4-year-old movie looked like it was made with home video cameras. The picture lacked clarity, had a lot of out-of-focus moments, plenty of grain, really weak lighting and shadows of the crew during the scenes. The audio was supposedly in stereo but I couldn't hear any separation between the tracks and the vocals were too low compared to the music (the music was pretty good too but not always right for the scenes). I saw more than a few compression and motion artifacts too.

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Body of Review: A few years ago, there was a television show about a goofy lawyer called Ally McBeal. The anorexic looking gal fought all sorts of court battles and was a hit with female audiences looking for a character they could identify with (or at least feel superior to). In the tradition of porn, Passion Pictures decided to make a parody of the show and called it, appropriately enough, Ally McFeal. Armed with a solid concept full of potential, Director Harold Merkin set out to make what was, I believe, the company's first movie. Did he succeed? Well, the movie wasn't great, to be sure. The worst aspect of the whole affair was the poor technical values. From the lighting to the camera work, the movie was not made very well. Does that mean it was terrible? Not exactly would be the fairest answer to that question. The cast had some real hotties, TJ Hart, a young Allysin Chaynes, and the delectable Temptress all made for good viewing. The acting was as cheesy as you'll find in a porno, which is probably part of the charm of a porno parody in the first place. Here's a breakdown of the scenes by cast:

Scene One: Layla, a bleached blonde gal with a lean, natural body, and Marc, had a scene in a courtroom. She had started off the movie with a short solo scene and continued here by giving him a blowjob. The two went at it on a bench in vaginal, then anal sex. The vocals were too low compared to the music but the scene was okay.

Scene Two: Jade, an Asian cutie, and James, had a scene in an office. It started off with a blowjob and then progressed to a screw. That the camera crew's shadows were everywhere (duh!) was kind of funny. This was a straightforward scene with little real heat but fair to watch once.

Scene Three: Allysin, the lean little blonde star of the show, Monique, the black gal with weird hair, and Nancy, a kind of trashy looking white gal, had a lesbian scene in a jail cell. Lots of licking but no real heat.

Scene Four: Aurora, a busty little brunette, and Ron, had an oral scene here on a bench. The scene was hampered by the use of music and sped up photography.

Scene Five: TJ, looking very tasty with her long blonde hair and lean body, did Herschel in a small office. The scene had oral and straight only with some chemistry between the two.

Scene Six: Temptress, a super cute babe with long brown hair, Allysin, the little blonde lead, and Alec, the perverted stud of the movie, all joined in and had a scene in the poorly lit courtroom. The gals looked good but the technical limitations were heat hampering.

Summary: In it's defense, I think the movie was more entertaining than any episode of the television show. It had some cute women that were good at sex and enough humor, some of it unintentional, to address the legal issues of a parody should Fox decide the movie is an infringement of it's copyright. For the prosecution, I'd have to point out that really weak production values, even 4 years ago, are pretty unforgivable. The whole show probably costs less than the television show's budget for diet pills for an episode but at some point, unless the porno is going for bargain bin prices, it's really unfair to consumers to give so little for so much money. The Behind the Scenes feature was decent and I got the feeling the cast knew how weak this one was going to be. I also think that using Lex in a non-sex role was a gyp. He was arguably the best stud of the cast, by far, and to not use him seems ludicrous. I'm going to be reasonable with my rating and suggest this as a Rent It to fans of the cast as well as those who like seeing parodies, just don't expect a lot from it.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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