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Studio: Blue Pictures » Review by Staff Review » Review Date: 2/8/04

XCritic's Advice: Skip It


Genre - Feature
Ron Jeremy and Al Goldstein are porn legends. Next to John Holmes, what male porn star is as widely known as Jeremy? Goldstein, founder of "Screw" magazine, has been in the business almost since its inception. What do you get when you combine the two legends for a hardcore feature? In my opinion – a train wreck!

The Movie

Body of Review
The premise of this movie finds Ron Jeremy out of work and looking for help. He visits his old buddy Al, who agrees to pay him to do odd jobs around his house. His one stipulation – don't touch any of Al's women.

So off Ron goes to mow the lawn, trim the trees, ect., and he finds one of Al's girls fingering herself outside. She promises him money to not tell Al that she's cheating on him. Out walk a stud that gets treated to a blowjob. I can't tell you who the actors are, because these clowns don't tell us! The girl has a nice shaved pussy with big tits. A guy slips on the condom, fucks her on her side and doggy and then unloads on her face. Ron is happily watching them from the bushes.

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The next day, Ron is doing his chores, when he comes across another babe – that's right, fingering herself. She too, pays Ron hush money and in walks the same stud that proceeds to fuck her with a condom cowgirl and mish. This one two ends with a facial. This scene actually did generate some heat, but by now the premise was wearing on me.

Al orders Ron to take 3 of his girls out on his boat for some R&R. The two girls from the first two scenes start going down on each other and using the vibrator. A new girl decides to give Ron a blowjob – WHY?? Anyway, we're treated to Ron's hairy graying chest – nice. Ron doesn't use a condom like the last guy, and after eating her pussy, he fucks her mish and doggy. He blows on her tummy.

Fast forward 6 months later. Ron is now rich. After collecting money from all of Al's girls for hush money, and getting paid by Al to do odd jobs, he's now bought himself a nice big boat. He decides to reward the captain of his boat with 3 naked girls. The girls start blowing this guy, until he calls Ron in the room. These girls are like "family", and he can't bear to nail them. Ron understands, and opens the closet – out pops another busty babe. We get some 69, doggy, mish, ect. By now this movie is so annoying, so who cares? She ends by sucking him off.

Now for the worst scene in the flick. Al is now doing infomercials for oral sex. Ron is watching one on TV – open with 2 chicks and Al on a bed. Old Al goes down on the girls and uses vibrators on them. Al – all 275 lbs, pulls his dick out and the girls suck him until he cums. This scene almost caused me to hurl. Thankfully, it was the last one in the movie.

Audio: The audio isn't a bad mix. Some of the outside sex is more difficult because of outside noises, but the soundtrack fits the action. Not bad.

Video: The video is actually well done, in terms of quality. A couple of the scenes are shot outside and there are only minimal shadowing problems. It's pretty crisp and clear on the inside shots as well.

The Extras: Photo Gallery – Stills from the flick.Previews –all hardcore.

Final Thoughts:

Why is Ron Jeremy still making porn? Does he have enough of a fan base that people will pay to see his hairy back, balding hair and disgusting body have sex with beautiful women? This movie is horrible – and not because of the girls. Yes, Ron is a porn legend, but his time in front the camera has passed. I can't with good conscious recommend this movie.

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