First Impressions:
As ideas go, it's pretty novel – take the look and style of the '40s pin-up and place it alongside the post-millennial idea of pornography and see what happens. Visually, the clean corporeal carnality of the war era is a nice contrast to the glorified gonzo of today. But Pin-Up Pussy doesn't do enough with this inventive approach to warrant an entire film. Instead, it offers up a high school book report on the whole cheesecake ideal, inserts five fun if flawed hardcore scenes in between the comments to illustrate its points, and hopes we are intrigued. We aren't. In fact, once we get past the attempt to mimic the wardrobe and visual technique, all we are left with is the sex. And like most titles made today, the lack of interpersonal passion and performer chemistry is more or less lethal to any lewdness, including the smut being sold here.

The Sex Scenes:

With one or two exceptions, nothing in Pin-Up Pussy is exceptional or erotic. Most of the fucking is forced and unappealing. The girls all give it the 'aren't I excited' attempt, but the men are mere meat puppets, providing the pud necessary to supply the shuck. Visually, the women match their '40s counterparts rather well. Sure, some have tattoos that would have made their wartime equals shudder with embarrassment, but everyone from Veronica Rayne to Faith Leon more or less looks the part. So if you ever wondered what it would be like to see a Vargas girl balling her boobs off, or if you've imagined Rita Hayworth doing more on that iconic bed than kneeling, you may enjoy the action here. But this is a clear case of all style and very little sexual substance. The position descriptions indicate just how limited the lewdness really is.

Scene 1: Phyllisha Anne, Will Powers
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Doggy, Cowgirl, V to M, $hot on Ass
Score: 1.5 out of 5

Phyllisha looks fine in her skimpy sailor suit. Will looks like he's drunk too much Navy issue cough syrup. Together, they create a lopsided scene which could have been hot, but ends up as cold as the winds that blow across the bow of this silly ship setting. When she's stripped down to her far more fetching birthday wear, Ms. Anne has a figure that just won't quit. But again, her partner has an approach that just won't start. The lack of heat is palpable, and in the end, the filmmakers simply repeat the same two positions over and over again, waiting for Mr. Powers to pop. Once he does, there is a subliminal sigh of relief from both the audience, as well as our lead actress.

Scene 2: Veronica Rayne, Alec Metro
Acts Performed: Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Doggy, Mish, Scissors, $hot on Stocking Feet
Score: 2 out of 5

What a snooze fest. Ms. Rayne looks overfed and kind of dumpy, matched only by the portly paunch on Mr. Metro. A note to all sex stars – attempting to look like the butter basted individuals of the '40s does not require you to lay off of the Pilates. Indeed, the body issue elements of this scene really detract from the dicking. In addition, Metro and Lasher as filmmakers really fuck up this material. They take the combination of Mish and Scissors and constantly intercut between them. One moment, the couple is copulating in the standard fashion. The next, Veronica is on her side, Alec pumping away with unconscious abandon. Instead of being sexy, it's scattered and confusing, resulting in some rather ineffective eros.

Scene 3: Faith Leon, Marcos Leon
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Cunnilingus, Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl, V to M, $hot on Tits
Score: 2 out of 5

One assumes from the shared last name that Faith and Marcos are related somehow (without getting gross, it's obviously hubby and spouse). Here's some advice for Mrs. Leon – you can do a shitload better, babe. Marcos is a mook, a dumpy drip of a dork who doesn't deserve to stand in the same room as you. Yes, Faith, you are very fine to look at, and one imagines that outside your suitcase pimp – sorry, significant other's involvement, your scene here would be stupendous. You give off a vibe of heated carnality. Marcos looks like he's ready for some kind of siesta. As a result, only half the hardcore is worth exploring here. The rest is just some Average Joe junk.

Scene 4: Avy Lee Roth, Nick Manning
Acts Performed: Cunnilingus, Fingering, V to M, Blowjob, Doggy, Mish 69, Reverse Cowgirl, $hot on Vagina
Score: 2.5 out of 5

The least convincing pairing of the set. Nick is supposed to be a typical '40s businessman. His perfectly capped white teeth and slicked back ponytail make him look like one of Tony Montana's mob buddies. Avy is an advertising model, a typical homemaker type who sells starch along with sex for Madison Avenue. However, the minute she strips off her skivvies, she's a pure punk goddess – all primary color body art and rock girl chic. Indeed, they break the war-era façade right from the beginning. Thankfully, it's not that important. The pair pork along like troopers, nearly getting us to believe that they enjoy each other's sexual company. In perhaps the second best scene in the collection, Manning even manages to make us forget his infamous risqué running commentaries. Now that's something.

Scene 5: Venessa Lane, Reno
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Standing 69, Mish, Standing Cunnilingus, Standing Scissors, Cowgirl, Standing Cowgirl, V to M, Doggy, Cunnilingus, Reverse Cowgirl, $hot on Tits

Score: 1 out of 5

Filmed in an erotically effective black and white, and utilizing Reno's roid raged body bulk in combination with Venessa's itty bitty petite assets, this should have been a real sexual scorcher. Both performers are quite capable, and the combo of beefed up brawn and subtle beauty usually works. Unfortunately, Reno is such a meat headed hardcore star that he can only look puffy, not passionate. Even as she's riding his rod in an overdone manner, Ms. Lane can't shake her partner's gym enhanced ineffectiveness. This means the balling battle is more or less over before it's begun.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2 out of 5 (Rent It)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted

Since there are two films here for the price of one, with both offering elements good and god-awful, a rating of Rent It is warranted. This is the only way you will be able to determine if Metro and Lasher's retro randiness works for you, or if Ninn's nostalgic horny Happy Days gets you all warm in the woolies. From the Dirge's determined perspective, both films are flawed. Pin-Up Pussy has very little of either, while Cashmere keeps playing like a XXX version of Industrial Symphony #1. We come to porn for physical release and sexual fantasy, not attempted recreations of era specific images or really weird girl group sing alongs. Couples will not complain about the level of activity present in either film. Therefore, a Cohabitation Certification is granted. In the world of wantonness, Pin-Up Pussy and Cashmere are way too pretty to be potent. Erotic has to have some aspect of roughness to remind us of the physicality of fucking. Sadly, such a compelling component is all but absent here.