Assapalooza

Black Market

Genre: Black

Director: Dick

Cast: Edible, Wesley Pipes, Delotta Brown, JR Langdon, Beauty Dior, Lee Bang, Flame, Tasha Knight

Length: 110 minutes

Dates of Production: 9/28/2006, 10/21/2006, 10/28/2006, 11/10/2006, 11/15/2006

Extra's: The best extra was the 9 minute Behind the Scenes feature where the women were dogging out the men in almost all cases. It was funny to watch and added some humor to the show but at the same time, it detracted from the heat when you could hear the men feeling dejected by what were, in large part, third stringer female performers. The photogallery played after that, showing some okay shots as some weak raps played on in the background. There were also trailers and a cardboard slipcase over the DVD case.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Assapalooza was presented in a letterboxed 1.85:1 ratio widescreen color as shot by director Dick for release by Black Market. I prefer anamorphic widescreen since it provides substantially more detail and it not any more difficult to shoot but I understand that start up companies with limited experience actually making movies might not understand this so I try to give them a break while they figure it out for themselves. The entire movie looked like one guy with a low end camera caught the action and an editor assembled the final product as quickly as possible to the best of his limited abilities (leaving in a lot of material best deleted or saved for the BTS feature in my opinion). The lighting was flat and reasonably suited to the more difficult task of lighting up the performers of color but there was some grain and occasional compression artifacts as well. For low budget, ethnic gonzo, it looked pretty good but not exceptional by any means. The audio was presented in stereo but was also as basic as could be with no separation between the channels and limited dynamic range observed. I hated the hollow vocals and the poor music, both indicative of the budget.

Body of Review: Dick is a generic director name given to pretty much any male that has ever held a camera in porn. In this case, the name was in regards to a release by Black Market on DVD called Assapalooza; a series of five scenes where thick, really thick, women had sex with a guy of dubious talents for the black or urban porn markets. The company caters to those who like black people having sex (an admirable niche) so I was probably the worst person to review it; please take my comments as playful pokes at a title with little for me to enjoy rather than mean spirited attacks on the heavy ladies. The movie had five generically similar scenes with the listed cast, using technical values of limited quality. If you're still interested, here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used:

Scene One: Edible, a sturdy gal with a lot of junk in her trunk and other body parts, was up first as she teased in the living room wearing her yellow bikini to some really lame music. Her face... well, let's just skip that part of her for now and focus on the large booty since the two were easily mistakable for one another. If you like fatty porn, she'll appeal to you a lot more than she did to me. She was met with Wesley Pipes as a partner and she then proceeded to play traffic cop; ordering him how to make each lick and how to pound her fleshy figure during the vaginal action. He did most of the work here and while she probably felt good in person, she was unable to convey any sense of heat or appeal to me. She was no stranger to cock in her mouth and once warmed up she provided an active ride but again, there was nothing for me to enjoy here. It ended when she rubbed out his nut on her face. Pass!

Scene Two: Delotta Brown, a gal with an appealing face and a lot of wear on her aging body, was up next as she followed the formula of providing tease during lame music in the crappy setting. While she also looked sturdy, she wasn't as fat as Edible so I was much more willing to see what she had to offer. Her partner was JR Langdon and she dropped to her knees to suck him off very aggressively, proving her experiences in life paid off when it came to porn. I wasn't keen on all the cottage cheese she had in the rear but at least she seemed to enjoy riding his moderate sized cock. If you don't want to ruin the illusion of her liking him, skip the BTS feature but it wasn't a bad scene in the sense that it provided a couple porking pretty hard. It eventually ended after several positions with him busting a nut to her face.

Scene Three: Beauty Dior, a gal built for comfort over speed, was up next as she displayed some weaker than average tease skills. This was a gal that looked better with clothes on; a lot better at that. In any case, Lee Bang was her scene partner and he wanted to sample all she had to offer, starting with her titties. After sucking them and warming her up, she dropped his draws to blow him, perhaps seeking a sample of his population pudding as she prepared him to mount her. Her oral skills were superior and while her riding skills were far less developed, she at least tried. The scene ended with a pop shot to the ass cheeks.

Scene Four: Flame, looking far better on the front cover then in the movie, was up next in a yellow two piece outfit that was practically absorbed by her curves in the living room. The difference in her body shape from her abdomen was almost as if someone took two gals of completely different shapes and stuck them together. The scenario was established too low to hear properly but the sex with Wesley Pipes followed the same generic formula; oral, straight, and pop after a few positions. The energy levels were mixed and I really couldn't get into the action. The dirty talk was okay but the action wasn't the best in the movie, ending with the facial as she jerked him off.

Scene Five: Tasha Knight, a large gal that could single handedly disprove the theory that porn companies put their best performers last in a porno, was up last with Lee Bang. Like the other gals, if you like fat gals with a lot of extra weight on their curves, by all means check this one out since she probably weighed a lot more then he did. The action was again the same and that limited it in my eyes, ending with the pop shot as expected. Pass!

Summary: Assapalooza by director Dick for release by Black Market had weak music, lame vocals, few extras, and technical values that showed a very limited budget. The ladies were certainly packed with lots of curves but not my type so your mileage will vary greatly compared to my take but there really wasn't anything strokable in the movie for me, causing it to garner a rating of Skip It. In short, Assapalooza had women with large asses but they didn't do anal and seemed to be involved in the project strictly to pick up a paycheck. Give it a look if you happen to like the cast but don't say I didn't warn you.

For other much greater choices in porn, check out: 2006's Top Porn List, 2005's Top Porn List, 2004's Top Porn List, and 2003's Top Porn List as well as the latest Blue Room Column.