Genre:
Straight Feature

Director:
Louise Moire

Cast: Angel
Dark, Claudia Rossi, Jennifer Love, Jessica Sanchez, Keana Moire, Nella, Sara
Twain, Silvia Saint, Suzie Diamond, JC Sonogod, Levy Ewil, George Uhl, Cage,
Wen Lewis, Neeo, Denis Marti, Ivan Dan

Length: 155
min

Production Date:
2007

Audio/Visual:

In a Nutshell – Just Like a Big Screen Hollywood Production

Offered in a colorful yet grainy 2.35:1 anamorphic
widescreen image, The Sexual Adventures
of Little Red looks just like a legitimate big screen blockbuster. The sets
are spectacular in their real life abandoned factory dynamic, and the
performers look good, even despite their piss pour personal fashion sense.
There is some noticeable noise, especially in the underground scenes, and the
lighting is imperfect and sometimes overly dark. Still, this is a great looking
movie, especially when you consider most of the captured on camcorder
pro-amateur gonzo that gunks up the XXX aisles. On the sound side, some of the
cast speak English in their own heavily accented way. Others here are dubbed in
dopey sounding Valley-isms. It makes for an unusual aural experience.

Extras:

In a Nutshell – Nothing But the Industry Standard,
Unfortunately

Along with a basic Behind the Scenes (glimpses backstage,
not much else), we get trailers and talent IDs. Otherwise, the added content
here is only fair, failing to really supplement the film, or adding more bang
for our bawdy smut buck.

Condoms: No

First Impressions:

Someone needs to inform the Eastern Europeans that huge
production values do not necessarily lead to steamy hot XXX action. You can
retrofit your movie to fit a standard genre (film noir, horror) or a specific
spoof of a cinematic archetype (Star
Wars, Sin City) and without
appealing players who know a thing or two about tasting tool/twat, the
celluloid bombast equals very little. That's clearly the case with The Sexual Adventures of Little Red.
Taking the fairytale and updating it in a Run
Lola Run/Pulp Fiction like
paradigm, what wants to be both erotic and epic is merely interesting if inert.
The visuals are quite stunning. Director Moire really knows how to use found
locations and out of the way set-ups to sell his sizzle. Unfortunately, the
vast majority of the cast looks lost, body art and bizarre hairdos taking the
place of personality or passion. We want to buy into the reinvention, enjoying
the references to the famous kiddie story. But just as in other ex-Iron Curtain
calls, the overall ennui undermines the arousal.

The Sex Scenes:

With six sequences total, and only two of those being really
top notch, it's clear that director Moire is more interested in narrative than
nookie. The movie is just overloaded with exposition, so much so that you
wonder when the talking will end and the fucking will begin. Even when it does,
the girls here all have that vacant, 'who gives a shit' look on their face, the
kind of carnal cold shower that makes movies like these a perfect
non-aphrodisiac. Granted, Scene 3 and 4 are pretty good, with 2 giving them a
real run for their money. But the gal/gal is as dull as Estonian dishwater, and
the last two sequences are just plain lame. There's lots of anal, which is a
good thing. There's also lots of bad body art, obvious body hair, and a weird
pink dreadlock as part of one character's evil personality. It's all a bit
surreal, honestly.

Scene 1:4
Girls

Acts Performed:Tit Play, Kissing, Cunnilingus, Toe Play, Ass Play

Score:1out of 5

Like a mediocre men's magazine spread come to life, this
foursome, dressed in dopey baby doll fashions and flailing around like excess
motion makes same sex hardcore even steamier, really start this film off on the
wrong foot. There's just too much posing and not enough pussy pounding. You can
really tell that the Sappho experience is foreign to many of these gals, and
even when they try to look involved, their true tired feelings regularly show
through. It would be nice to think that every porn star is professional enough
to really sell a lady on lady licking, but that's clearly not the case here.
There's just too much indecisive dramatizing present.

Scene 2:1
Girl, 2 Guys

Acts Performed:Cunnilingus, Dueling Head, Blowjob, Reverse Cowgirl, Doggy, Anal
Reverse Cowgirl, DP in the Reverse Cowgirl Mode, DP in the Cowgirl Mode,
Gaping, Pussy to Pooper, $hot in Mouth, Oral Clean-up

Score:2out of 5

Now here's a trio that really understands the notion of
being naughty. Our more mature looking brunette handles her two hunks like a
solid seasoned pro, and the DP is done in an aggressive yet sensual manner (if
such a XXX paradigm is possible). The men are rather nondescript, hired for
their large uncut cocks and not their ability to hold the screen. In the end, when
the cum has flowed and our actress feigns enjoyment of the fetid taste, we're
already forgetting the action. Not a good sign when you're making supposed
smut.

Scene 3:1
Girl, 1 Guy

Acts Performed:Foreplay, Blowjob, Cunnilingus, Mish, Spoon, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl,
Foot Job, Sitting Cowgirl, $hot on Cunt, Anal Mish, Anal Spoon, A to M, Anal
Reverse Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth

Score:4out of 5

Anyone interested in seeing what this title could be need
only look at this magnificent solo sequence to understand the power in good
onscreen sex done right. This pair, obviously finding a passionate point of
common interest among themselves, deliver the kind of hetero humpfest that
really gets the juices going. Thanks to the multiple positions, interesting angles,
and clear cut heat between the couple, we end up with something guaranteed to
give you wood. It’s just too bad that the rest of this film couldn't be as
fiery. Alas, all we get is the frolicking foursome in the next scene and that's
it.

Scene 4:Group
Grope

Acts Performed:Blowjob, Cunnilingus, Mish, Cowgirl, Doggy, Anal Spoon, Pile Driver, V
to M, Face Fucking, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Gaping, $hot on Tits, $hot on Mouth

Score:3out of 5

Though orgies often degenerate into indecipherable action
inadequately covered by a director unsure of how to capture the carnality,
director Moire does a damn fine job of keeping this foursome in frame. The
combination of people and positions adds up to some excellent erotica,
including a real sense of sexual chemistry. The factory setting adds some
interesting ambience, and the various extras futzing about in the background
really spice up the situation. After the one two punch of Scenes 3 and 4, it's
all downhill from here.

Scene 5:1
Girl, 2 Guys

Acts Performed:Blowjob, Dueling Head, Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Cowgirl, DP in the
Cowgirl Mode, DP in the Reverse Cowgirl, A to M, V to M, $hot on Cunt, $hot in
Mouth

Score:2 out
of 5

Even with the presence of what looks like Denis Marti, this
is XXX material as going through the motions. There is no connection between
the performers, and even the DP feels mechanical and forced. Director Moire
does give us enough up close looks at cock going into asshole and pussy that we
tend to ignore the vacant stance of the actors, but then we are treated to more
fake ardor, and the illegitimacy of everything reemerges. If you want to know
the difference between good threesomes and mediocre ones, just compare this
scene to the action in #2. The disparity is depressing.

Scene 5:1
Girl, 1 Guy

Acts Performed:Foreplay, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Doggy, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Anal
Cowgirl, $hot to Mouth

Score:2 out
of 5

Here's the problem with this scene in a nutshell - the
meat puppet present is simply repulsive. Hairy as hell, overly pierced, and
sporting tattoos that look like prison hand-me-downs, he's not sinister, he's
sickening. Even worse, his stubbly bald head sprouts a weird, bright pink piece
of matted fur that looks like a diseased plant poking out of his skull. It's
the height of horrible, and really dampens the possible pornography. No matter
what our actress does - she could be gaping the size of Cincinnati and we'd
still be focusing on her nauseating partner. Of course, after looking at the
limited selection of positions present you realize there are other issues with
this sequence beyond someone's lame coiffeur.

Disco Dirge
Peter Meter Rating:2.5 out
of 5 (Recommended)

Cohabitation
Certification:Granted

Clearly creating a critical quandary, The Sexual Adventures of Little Red is
a 100% cinematic experience which only offers about 45% potent porn. The rest
is merely routine, with at least one actor's poor personal choices marring the
moment. Overall, there's more here to like than loathe, therefore making the
awarding of a Recommended rating
quite realistic. Couples will definitely enjoy the scope and visual flair
present, even if the action is uneven and slightly stunted. Still, a Cohabitation Certification is clearly
warranted. Having experience both the fancy and the foulest that Eastern Europe
has to offer, hardcore wise, it's clear that extravagant doesn't always mean
erotic. Instead of big sets and large production values, XXX titles need to
concentrate of sex first, spectacle second. Someone needs to remind the makers
of The Sexual Adventures of Little Redbefore the inevitable sequel hits these shores.